


Missions

by Mikari



Series: The Shinra Files [3]
Category: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-07
Updated: 2014-05-07
Packaged: 2018-01-23 22:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 72,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1581515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikari/pseuds/Mikari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinra is reformed, but the Turks still need to go on missions. It's just that the missions are a little different, all for the sake of making the world a better place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Missions: Report I 

Mission 01: Puppy 

"Found anything yet?" This had to be one of the most boring missions Reno had ever been on. 

"No," and Rude wasn't helping. 

"Hey Rude, who do you like'" 

Rude looked at his partner and shook his head, offering no verbal response. 

"Yeah, I know, I already asked you that." 

"Seven." 

"Seven times, I know, I know... This stinks..." and it quite literally did. Searching for a lost puppy in the wreckage of old Midgar was not Reno's idea of a cool Turk mission. "I'm going to look over there." 

Rude nodded and the Turks went their separate ways. 

A few more minutes of fruitless searching passed, until Reno saw a white and black spotted puppy. "Hey!" He ran towards the dog, "here puppy! Come here!" 

Unfortunately the puppy did not listen and instead ran away from the strange human.

"Come back here!" 

The dog hid in a pile of wreckage that was too small for a grown human to fit in. 

Reno reached in to try to grab the puppy by the collar, but the dog bit his hand, causing Reno to quickly retreat. "Stupid mutt!" He clutched his hand and gave the pile of junk a frustrated kick. 

The debris came crushing down, the puppy's cry was heard, and then there was silence. 

Reno cringed, it looked like he would fail this mission, but he should at least heal up. He retrieved a small bottle from his jacket pocket and drank a little of the potion. It tasted like sour medicine, so instead Reno resolved to apply it directly to the tiny cuts on his hands and he was healed. Against his better judgment, Reno rounded the pile of debris and found a small opening to look in. He looked away quickly, yeah, the dog was dead alright. 

A stray puppy slowly approached, whimpered a little and wagged his tail. He wasn't too used to seeing humans around that area, but this one didn't look particularly scary to him. 

"Looks like my problem is solved, come here little mutt." 

The puppy looked at the human curiously; it looked like he was being called so he went over there and allowed the human to pick him up. 

"Good puppy," Reno held the dog with one arm and called Rude on his PHS with the other. "I found the dog; let's go back to the chopper." It was all for the sake of positive publicity, and a dog is a dog, so who cares? 

But Rude noticed and pointed out the difference, "that is not a Dalmatian." He wasn't sure what breed the dog was, other than being a mutt, maybe a cross between golden retriever and something else. 

"Who cares, let's get out of here!" Reno gave the dog to Rude and they both boarded the helicopter, leaving the ruins of old Midgar behind. The new Shinra missions sucked. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 02: Pancakes 

Rufus poked and prodded the food with his fork, but where the utensil should easily sink in, it did not. The president wrinkled his nose in disapproval and pointed an accusing finger at the items on his table. "What is this?" They looked like pancakes, but unlike pancakes, they were not fluffy and soft. Instead they were hard, like a disk one would throw to a dog in hopes that the canine catches it and brings it back to win some silly competition. 

"Pancakes," Reno replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and to him, it was. 

"These are not pancakes!" Rufus' tone grew more offended with every word. "I don't know what they are, but they are not pancakes." He pouted like a child refusing to eat his vegetables and crossed his arms, sticking his nose up in the air. 

Reno grumbled a few inaudible words and removed the plate from Rufus' table. It was a fine time Elena picked to come down with such a bad case of the flu. Tseng was tending to the fallen Turk and that left Reno and Rude to pamper Rufus. 

Reno deposited the rejected pancakes, plate and all, into the kitchen trash can. He was about to complain about his effort not being appreciated, when a particular scent reached his nose. The scent was familiar and pleasant; it was the scent of freshly made pancakes. That is, pancakes that, unlike his, did not turn into an inedible disaster. "Rude, I didn't know you knew how to make pancakes. Why didn't you say so'" 

"Try," Rude took the pan away from the stove and carefully moved the pancakes to a new plate. 

"Why should I waste my time trying if it's going to turn out to be a mess'" Reno pouted. "You know I'm not good in the kitchen." 

"Learn," Rude placed the plate with the pancakes on a tray and added a glass of orange juice on the side. 

"No matter how much I try, there are things that some people can't learn. Rude the silent can't learn to be talkative, Elena the chatterbox can't learn to be quiet, Tseng the workaholic can't learn to be a lazy hobo," Reno lowered his voice for the next one, "Rufus the spoiled brat can't learn to stop being a spoiled brat," then he spoke normally again, "and I can't learn to cook." Those were the impossibilities that kept the world in balance, and if any of them were defied, Sephiroth would surely sprout out of the ground as the result. 

"..." Rude quietly left the kitchen and served Rufus his precious breakfast. The president eagerly devoured the pancakes, chewing with his mouth open and everything. 

After breakfast was done and Rufus was transported from Healin Lodge to his office at the new Shinra Headquarters and Reno continued to pester Rude the entire day. Those pancakes smelled really good and he wanted some too. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 03: Frying Pan 

As soon as Reno looked at the report detailing their next mission, he thought it would be annoying. Then he saw the name of the person requesting the mission and he knew it would be annoying. 

Reno and Rude met their client at the shopping mall, near a store that sold kitchen appliances. "Everyone thinks this entire help the community thing is a joke!" Albeit a well paid joke. If not for keeping his regular Turk pay check, despite the trivial missions, Reno would not be there. 

"I wanted to see what you were really doing," Cloud admitted. The entire campaign about making the Turk services available to the public so people could see how nice they are, looked like a desperate effort to cover something. Cloud didn't know what Shinra was hiding, but they had to be hiding something. 

"You just wanted to see Rude because he's the new greatest chef..." Reno walked past the two, slightly bumping into Cloud, and went into the kitchen store. He wanted to get this mission done and over with as soon as possible, and hopefully without being reminded once again that he would starve if fast food restaurants ceased to exist, because he couldn't cook anything edible if his life depended on it. 

Cloud tried to counter Reno's odd accusation, but couldn't come up with anything and just stood there open mouthed with no voice. Rude quietly waited for the client to wake up, until Cloud finally reacted. "It's not like Rude even knew about the frying pan before the mission," the blond muttered. 

Rude gave Cloud an odd look, though it was impossible to tell behind his shades. 

"Tifa's frying pan," Cloud explained, then silenced himself. Tifa promised a variety of fried treats to who ever gave her the 'ideal frying pan'. Sure she was only thinking aloud while cooking, but Cloud had heard, and he brought it upon himself to find that ideal frying pan for Tifa. 

Reno happened to be on break at the time Tifa spoke those words and he also heard. He was eating at the Seventh Heaven because he didn't feel like setting foot in the Shinra cafeteria if anyone had heard about the latest Turk missions. If they laughed, he would kill, and that would ruin the very image those missions were trying to construct, and possibly get him fired, since Rufus couldn't afford his precious reformed image to be tarnished. 

Cloud and Rude both entered the store, the blond grumbling about having specifically requested that Elena be sent on the mission, she would have been the easiest to deal with, and she would have no reason to try to steal his glory. But apparently Elena was already busy with some other mission and Cloud got stuck with Reno and Rude. 

The delivery boy and the bald Turk walked around the kitchen store completely lost. Rude knew how to cook but he wasn't an expert in the kitchen. There were many kitchen appliances and tools, some of which they had no idea what they were used for. 

"May I help you'" A woman with a big smile approached Rude and Cloud. She was wearing a uniform that matched the color scheme of the store, identifying her as an employee. 

"We're looking for a frying pan," Cloud replied. You never find those customer service people unless you're not looking for them. Hence why Cloud assumed he wouldn't find any and decided to hire Elena, while at the same time investigating Turk activities. 

"Of course, but let me show you our selection of pots first, we have a large variety!" The woman proudly proclaimed. 

Meanwhile, in a different part of the store, Reno was talking to someone on his PHS, "so I turn right past the bowls, left past the spoons, then straight down the aisle' I see them, which one? Is that written on a tag' Okay, I got it." With a victorious grin, Reno picked up a frying pan and headed off to the front desk. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Due to the severe headache that overtook Cloud, having to listen to the annoying employee, the delivery boy fled the scene without buying anything. Having no need or desire to stay at the store any longer, Rude left as well. 

They both retreated to the Seventh Heaven just in time to see Reno leave with a bunch of take-out bags. "Don't get me wrong, I was just hungry." The red head promptly left. 

Cloud and Rude looked at each other, wondering what that was about. They soon found out when they entered the Seventh Heaven and Tifa served them french-fries. "Try these fries; I made them with the new frying pan Reno gave me. He was at the kitchen store and called me to ask if I needed anything. Well actually he called the Strife Delivery Service number, but since a certain someone is never around, everyone knows I'm the one who always answers. It's a really great frying pan, he even asked me what kind he should get, wasn't that nice of Reno? I think I finally found the ideal frying pan. Oh and he left this envelope for you, Cloud." 

By now Cloud was twitching with a murderous mako glow in his eyes. But at least Rude remained cool, calm and collected as always. Cloud opened up the envelope and found his own credit card. The moment when Reno bumped into him at the kitchen store replayed in his mind, he must have used the stolen card to pay for the frying pan. This couldn't get any worse. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 04: Child 

Rufus stared at his reflection in the mirror and fixed his hair for the millionth time. He looked at himself from every possible angle, smiling in satisfaction. "Is everyone ready'" He did not take his eyes off the mirror as he asked this. 

"Ready when you are," Reno replied. 

"Then let's-" Rufus looked away from the mirror for the first time in the past hour. "Reno!" He scolded. 

"What?" 

"I thought I told you, you had to look presentable!" Rufus complained. 

Reno shrugged, "I do look presentable." He was in his uniform, mostly. He wasn't wearing a tie, but he never did, and his hair was messy, but it was always messy. To Reno, that was presentable enough. 

"We're going to be on TV, you need to look more professional!" Rufus felt a headache coming on. The media had been very annoying lately and today's interview should quiet them down for a while. 

"I don't know what the big deal is," Reno had been waiting at Rufus' office for the president to finish fixing his hair for a long time and he just wanted to get this over with. 

Rude remained quiet as usual and Rufus gave an exasperated sigh. The door flew open and a little girl ran in, followed by Elena, "you're supposed to wait outside with the press people!" 

The little girl pouted, "I'm only saying nice things about Shinra because they're finding my puppy for me. I want to see Lucky or I won't say nice things anymore!" 

Reno pointed at the mutt who had been quietly eating in a corner of the office, "there's your dog." 

The little girl shook her head and pointed at the puppy, "that's not Lucky! Lucky is white with black spots, that dog is light brown with no spots!" 

Lucky had not lived up to his name, having died while Reno was trying to save him. He didn't know what to say except that accidents happen, but he couldn't tell that to the little girl. Surely the kid would start crying over her dead pet and that would ruin all the positive things she had told the press so far. 

"You brought the wrong dog'!" Rufus threw his arms in the air dramatically. 

"A dog is a dog, who cares'" The Dalmatian was dead and the mutt had been found just in time. Reno thought his resolve to bring the mutt instead, was a good enough solution. 

"I care!" The little girl yelled. 

"Of course you can't just replace a pet that easily," Elena agreed. 

"Whose side are you on'" Reno picked up the light brown puppy. "Look kid, just take this dog, it's better than no dog at all, right?" 

"I want Lucky!" The child refused. 

"C'mon don't be so stubborn, just take the dog!" Reno tried to talk the girl into accepting her new pet, and maybe she wouldn't mess up the nice image she created for Shinra in front of the press. 

Tseng entered the office, "the press members are getting impatient." 

"Great, they want to see the touching scene of a Turk giving this little br-beautiful young lady her lost pet, but it turns out we don't have the right dog after all." Rufus dramatized. 

"President, relax, I'll figure something out," Reno was fed up with everything and having a hard time staying there. He just wanted to hop on his chopper and fly away, far away. The new Shinra missions sucked and so did the new goody-goody image. "Hey kid, take the dog and don't complain, if you don't like it we'll get you another one later, just accept this dog now as a gift, alright'" 

The little girl curiously tilted her head. "Then you're giving me this puppy as a gift'" She pointed at Reno, "A gift from you," then pointed at herself, "to me'" 

"Yeah, that's right," Reno was relieved that it looked like the child would finally accept her new pet and quiet down. 

"Okay, I'll accept it then, what's your name Mr. Turk'" The little girl asked. 

"Reno." 

The little girl squealed in delight, "then this puppy's name will be Reno Jr. and he'll be our baby!" She held the dog with one arm and clung to Reno's leg with the other, she was five years old but she was very small. 

"Why do you have to name it after me'" Reno complained, and tried to pry the child off. 

"Because you're his daddy, you gave me a gift so that means you like me. It's okay; I like older men anyway so I'll go out with you!" The little girl continued to cling. 

"What? No! You're just a child!" Reno continued trying to get her to let go. 

"I'm not a child, I'm a lady!" The girl argued. 

Rufus covered his face with his hands, "this is bad." 

Elena took a deep breath and walked over to the little girl, "hey little lady, I have an idea, you should keep this a secret." 

The girl looked curious, "how come'" 

"Because it's so much more romantic to have a secret boyfriend than it is to have a regular boyfriend," Elena smiled. 

The little girl was happy that she was apparently being treated like an adult and quickly accepted Elena's idea. "Okay! I'll keep it a secret!" 

Reno was about to protest, but Tseng shook his head and the redhead remained quiet. 

"When we talk to the press, tell them that I found your puppy and gave him to you. Tell them that Reno Jr. is Lucky, okay'" Elena continued. 

The girl nodded, "okay!" 

It looked like Elena had saved the day, "and what about Reno'" 

"Reno who'" The girl asked as if she did not know of anyone by that name. 

"Very good! Now let's do the interview." Elena left along with the little girl and the puppy. 

Rufus checked his hair in front of the mirror once more and left with them to face the press. Tseng left as well, and Rude stood at the office door glancing back at Reno. The redhead shook his head, indicating that he wasn't going and grumbled about how annoying children could be, becoming fan girls at such a young age. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 05: Cat 

Reno's goggles slipped off his head and fell on Rude's head. They bounced off and were caught by the bald Turk. He considered taking revenge on his partner for all those times his sunglasses had to suffer, but Rude knew that Reno didn't do it on purpose, and he had an infinite supply of patience when it came to the redhead. 

The aforementioned redhead was currently up in a tree, trying to reach a cat that her owners claimed was stuck. "Here, kitty, kitty." He called as gently as possible. "Here kitty..." but the cat ignored him and sat there regally grooming herself. 

"Save her! Please, save her!" An overly dramatic young woman wearing fake cat ears begged. 

"Save her, save her, save her! Save our precious baby!" A chorus of a dozen other women also wearing cat ears echoed. 

The cat was the precious mascot of their college sorority, and they have requested Shinra's help in recovering the little darling who got herself stuck in a tree. 

"I'm trying!" The branch where the cat sat looked too fragile to support the weight of a human, so Reno was trying to reach her from a near by branch. "Come here kitty cat, be a good girl and come to Reno." 

The white cat looked at the red haired man for a moment, green eyes glowing with interest for just a split second, before she returned to grooming herself and ignoring her would be savior. 

"I don't think she wants to come down..." Reno concluded. 

"She's terrified, petrified in fear!" The leader of the sorority cried. 

"Terrified! Petrified! In Fear!" The other women echoed. 

"No, she looks pretty calm to me..." Reno tried to reason with them from the tree but they weren't listening. 

"Save her! Save her!" The cat obsessed women chanted. 

"I'll try..." Reno grumbled. "Come on kitty cat, your owners will feed you if you go back with them, and I'm sure they have cat toys and stuff too, so come over here." 

The cat ignored him. 

"Here kitty, kitty, meow..." Reno kept trying to get her attention. 

The cat's ears perked up with half interest. 

"Meow'" Reno tried again. 

The cat finally looked at him. 

"Look at that Rude, I think she understands!" The only problem was that Reno didn't speak cat, so he had no idea what he was saying. "Meow, meow, meow, meow..." 

"Reno," Rude tried to get his partner's attention without causing a commotion. 

But Reno kept trying to communicate with the cat. "Meow, meow, meow..." 

"Reno!" Rude called in alarm. 

"What's is it Ru- hey what's that' How come the sorority girls are setting up that net, and chains... and a big cage... Is all of that just for the cat' Oh oh..." 

The cat finally jumped into Reno's arms purring happily. 

"If you want to get down from the tree, do it yourself, because I'm staying." Reno put the cat down on the tree branch and she easily jumped off landing on her feet, but her owners ignored her. Down below, the cat obsessed fan girls where trying to chop down the tree. "Rude... a little help'" 

Rude shook his head. 

Reno should have known not to try to speak cat around cat obsessed women. Now he held on to the tree for dear life. "I'm not a cat! I'm a human! Why must I be so attractive? Rude do something! Hey! Where are you going? Rude! Don't abandon me!"

A few minutes passed and a helicopter piloted by Rude flew by. Reno was able to grab the rope ladder and climb aboard, right before the tree went down. Then they safely flew away with another mission fulfilled. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 06: Bagel 

"Did he fall asleep'" Denzel pointed at Reno who was sitting at the Seventh Heaven's front counter leaning on it, his face hidden in his arms. 

Rude shook his head. 

"I'm awake," Reno muttered and looked up. "I'm just in shock," and he was completely unmotivated to work. He would much rather take a nap and pretend all of this was a bad dream. 

"Why'" Denzel curiously asked. 

Reno wondered if he should dignify that question with a response, he looked at Rude searching for support. Rude nodded, as if telling Reno to go ahead and answer. Reno grumbled before finally offering his reply. "We were hired by a child." 

Denzel shrugged, "even if you think that way, the Turks work for me for today. Marlene and I won the sweepstakes after all. She gets to play with Tseng and Elena for today and I get the two of you." 

It was rigged, Reno was sure. Rufus wanted to create a good image for Shinra by having the Turks baby-sit children linked to Cloud Strife and his friends. But either way, Denzel had a point; Reno and Rude were stuck working for him for the day. 

"I'm hungry," Denzel informed the Turks. "I want a bagel." 

"Of course, you can't boss us around on an empty stomach. Rude, get the kid a bagel," Reno returned to his nap. 

"No, you get the bagel and get a bagel for Rude and one for yourself too, then maybe after eating you won't be so grumpy. You could at least try to have fun." Denzel started to feel a little cheated, Elena was always cheerful, and Tseng was serious but he was readily helping with anything Marlene requested. Rude was quietly standing around, blending in so well with the equally silent furniture, one could forget he was even there, and Reno clearly did not want to be there. 

"Fine..." Reno got up and went to get the bagels, but realized that Denzel was following him. "Anything else'" 

"It should be a lightly toasted chocolate chip bagel with butter!" Denzel cheered. 

"Alright, I'll see what I can do," Reno attempted to toast the bagel, Tifa was working in the kitchen and stood back to watch the show. It already had chocolate chips, so the bagel just needed to be toasted and covered in butter. But instead it was burn until it turned black, and a piece of a butter bar was placed on top of it. "Here you go; you know this isn't all that different from working for Rufus." 

Tifa tried to hide her laughter while Denzel received the inedible bagel and looked at it. "This is what Rufus eats?" 

"Actually, Elena does most of the cooking and sometimes Rude cooks," Reno explained. 

"Oh, in that case, Rude could you make us some edible bagels'" Denzel asked. 

Rude nodded and made the bagels, they tasted very good. 

"So the cooking should be left to Rude," Denzel made a mental note. "What about videogames'" 

Reno realized that maybe this wasn't so bad after all. "I'm good at videogames, I'm the best!" It was turning out to be much better than babysitting Rufus, even if his current boss was a kid. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 07: Handcuffs 

"What'" Reno laughed. "No, wait, don't give me the details; let me imagine the strange story behind this." He clicked his PHS shut and returned to his previous task of sleeping on his desk and ignoring the paper work, he would have some very amusing dreams. 

The silence that had taken over the Turks office at Shinra HQ was once again broken when Elena curiously asked. "What happened'" 

Rude had been out on that last mission for a long time, and it wasn't like him to take so long with how simple the missions have been lately. As far as she knew, Rude's mission was to help Cloud deliver some packages. Thanks to Reeve, Strife Delivery Service was doing well, but Cloud could only do so much on his own. 

"Who knows'" Reno shrugged and went back to sleep. 

Meanwhile at the Seventh Heaven, in Tifa's bedroom to be specific, Cloud sighed and closed his PHS, "I don't think he's coming." 

"..." Rude didn't know what to say. The truth of the matter was that they were handcuffed together and the third cuff of the triple handcuffs was attached to Tifa's bed. Unless they broke the bed, broke the handcuffs or carried the bed with them, which would be too noisy, they were trapped. There were no means to pick the lock of the handcuffs anywhere within reach and the key sat tauntingly on the other side of the room. 

"How did we get into this mess'" Cloud Strife was not having a good day. The events that led to his current predicament replayed in his mind. 

Cloud requested some help delivering packages and during most of the day, Cloud and Rude had gone their separate ways. They met up at the Seventh Heaven after their respective deliveries were completed as planned. 

When Rude arrived, Cloud had been upstairs, delivering the last package, one that he had to pick up from Yuffie to give to Tifa. Tifa had asked him to leave the package in her room and Rude went up to find him. 

Against his better judgment, Cloud succumbed to his curiosity and opened Tifa's package. It was a triple handcuff, supposedly a ninja collector's item from Wutai. 

The delivery boy heard footsteps approaching, and in his haste to hide his snooping, he couldn't tell they belonged to Rude and not Tifa. He tried to wrap the package again, his wrist getting caught by the handcuffs. Cloud looked in horror at the triple handcuffs. "Get it off!" He uselessly tried to shake the handcuffs off. 

Rude caught Cloud's hand on time before the delivery boy's flailing hand hit him on the face, but with a click the Turk's fate was sealed along with Cloud's. 

"The key!" In his panic, Cloud slipped and knocked the box off the bed, sending the key flying to the other side of the room. He moved too suddenly, pulling Rude along with him, and they fell on Tifa's bed, the third cuff getting caught on the bed post. 

Cloud didn't want Tifa to find out he opened her package, which meant that breaking the handcuffs was not an option. Hence why Cloud had called Reno and told him about the situation in hopes of having the redhead rush over and pick up the key they couldn't reach. 

To which Reno had replied with a surprised, "what?" followed by an amused laugh. 

Cloud tried to explain, "Tifa is down stairs right now and we-" 

"No, wait, don't give me the details; let me imagine the strange story behind this." Reno hung up, which brings us back to the present time with Cloud and Rude handcuffed to Tifa's bed together. 

"Cloud, Rude'" Tifa went up the stairs, receiving no reply. Cloud and Rude had been up there for a long time. 

Cloud desperately tried to slip the handcuffs off to no avail, while Rude remained cool, calm and collected, looking completely serious despite the situation. 

Then Tifa appeared at the door and crossed her arms over her chest, her face holding an annoyed expression. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 08: Roses 

At times like this, it became painfully obvious that being a Turk was no longer what it used to be. Reno was not happy with his latest mission. He had not liked any of his missions recently and they were getting worse. 

Reno received the item he had just purchased and paid for it with the money he was given for the errand. He felt as if he was a kid sent off to the store to buy a few things for his mother. Except Reno wasn't a child and Vincent was certainly not his mother. 

Feeling completely ridiculous, Reno made his way from the flower shop back to Vincent's apartment, fighting back the urge to go to Healin Lodge instead, and strangle Rufus for his bright idea of making the Turk services available to the public. The redhead, hurried to his destination as quickly as possible, and finding the door unlocked he let himself in. 

"It is disrespectful to enter one's home without knocking," Vincent pointed out. 

Reno ignored him and held out the flowers. "Here's the delivery." 

Vincent shook his head in disapproval. "I cannot offer her black roses!" 

"Why not'" Reno asked, "they fit your entire vampire theme." 

"I am not-" 

"Denial!" Reno shoved the roses into Vincent's arms and started to leave. 

The click of a gun ready to be fired was heard and Reno turned around to face an angry Vincent. "You will fulfill your mission!" 

"Why don't you just buy the flowers yourself'" Reno argued, despite being at gun point. 

"I wish to surprise her. Besides, I hired you for this job, you should not argue." Vincent did not lower the gun. 

Reno grumbled, "fine, I'll take the black roses back. I don't know what the surprise is, it's not like she'll see you buying them." Unless the flowers were not for the frozen lady in the isolated cave that Vincent was rumored to like. "Who do you like'" Reno couldn't resist. 

"Out," Vincent was still aiming Cerberus at Reno. 

"You're so anti-social," Reno left, off to exchange the black roses for more suitable flowers. 

Upon his arrival at the flower shop, Reno spotted some red roses that Vincent might like. He was tempted to exchange the black ones for the reds, Vincent liked to wear red after all, but he decided against it. Reno was in a bad mood, and even if it made the chore harder upon himself, he wouldn't make it easy for Vincent, who dared to hire a Turk for such a trivial task. 

Instead of the red roses, Reno exchanged the black ones for some ice blue roses, with bits of white that made them look as if they were really frozen. He didn't care if he was sent back to the flower shop at gun point, he was annoyed and he would annoy Vincent for causing him this annoyance. 

Once again, Reno intended to enter Vincent's apartment without knocking. He paused at the door and noticed that Reeve was there, with a laptop and several folders in his arms. He was probably going to discuss some WRO work with Vincent. "What'" 

Reeve seemed to wake up from his daze, a surprised look evident on his face. "Nothing," and he scurried away deciding that it was best to come back later. 

Reno shrugged and let himself in, but this time Vincent was not upset. He received the roses with an approving look, "Icy blue... she'll like these." 

Reno blinked, great, he had failed in annoying Vincent. "I hope you get dumped," he let himself out without waiting for Vincent's reply. All in all he didn't even get the information out of Vincent about who the girl he liked was. It appeared that Vincent had finally moved on from his crush on that lady frozen in a cave the rumors spoke of, but the identity of Vincent's new girlfriend remained a mystery, and a nosy guy like Reno simply had to know. 

Later that day, the evening news featured a report about an electrical problem that occurred in an apartment building, resulting on several people being injured. No one knew how or why it happened, and the cause was classified as an accident but not investigated in detail. 

However, Vincent was not amused and demanded an explanation the next day at Shinra HQ, having suspected that Reno was behind the so called accident. 

"I don't know anything." Reno denied his involvement. 

"I know you did this," Vincent insisted. He didn't want anyone disturbing the peace of the apartment building where he resided. The neighbors gave him odd looks all the time as it was, he didn't need it to become worse. Maybe hiring a Turk to run errands wasn't such a great idea after all. 

"Sure, accuse me just because I'm a Turk," Reno replied sarcastically. "You don't know what it's like." 

"Actually I do," Vincent revealed, "I was a Turk too," though things were different back then. 

Reno looked curious, he had been severely bored lately and was easily entertained. "Do you remember your old employee ID'" 

Vincent paused, wondering if he should really disclose that information. But he didn't even work as a Turk anymore, so it wouldn't really matter. "36105997" 

Reno looked up the files on the computer. "You should talk; you had to make it look like an accident too. Hey Vincent..." Reno's tone suddenly turned serious. 

Vincent wondered about the change, "what is it'" 

Reno made an overly dramatic pause then asked, "who do you like' Who were the flowers for' There's no need to be embarrassed. C'mon tell me! Who do you like'" 

Vincent felt his eye twitch, as he was once again tempted to shoot Reno. Fortunately, he was able to resist the temptation and quietly exit the Turks' office, leaving Reno without an answer. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 09: Miscommunication 

"Can you believe the missions we've been getting lately?" Reno glanced at his desk, the chair was on the floor. He was in such a hurry to leave work yesterday before another unworthy mission came, that the chair was thrown back when he bolted to his feet and out the door. "What's next'" He kicked the chair flipping it right side up, "another delivery mission with Strife' A pizza that needs to be delivered in thirty minutes or less' This is a job for the Turks'" Reno sat down, and put his feet on the desk. He picked up the latest issue of the Shinra Magazine, which was delivered to the Turks office monthly even if no one requested it, and placed the open magazine over his face to block the ceiling lights and try to take a nap. He really hated his job lately. 

Elena sighed, "I'm not in the mood for sarcasm today." She looked at her watch. "I need to go to my next mission... alphabetizing books in the public library." 

"That sucks," Reno commented and continued his previous task of trying to fall asleep. 

The sound of the door opening and closing, accompanied by Elena's footsteps leaving, was the last sound that was heard for a while. 

Several minutes passed, until eventually, the door to the Turks office was opened again and another rhythm of footsteps entered. The newcomer lifted the magazine off Reno's face, causing him to close his eyes tightly at the sudden light. 

Reno looked at the young woman standing there. "I have a mission for you," she voiced. 

She appeared to be a Shinra employee, though Reno didn't know who she was. But the fact still stood that she had made her way high up in the Shinra Headquarters, all the way to the Turks' floor where the access was restricted. "I haven't seen you around here before." 

"I'm new, started a few months ago. I'm usually down at the tech department working with data and stuff," which meant that she could have access to the codes that operated the electronic locks, and access to the technology to make herself a special card granting her entrance to just about any floor on the building. 

Reno chuckled, "I thought all the tech people were nerdy men," goody-goody nerdy men who followed the rules and didn't make themselves special key cards. Nerdy men with oversized glasses held together with tape over the nose, who wore their pants up to their chests, with bow ties around their necks and an assortment of pens in their shirt pocket. He looked at her up and down, what could be said if not that technology had improved. 

"I was going to try out for the Turks," the girl admitted, "but I'll wait until they're cool again. Community service sucks." 

"Tell me about it," Reno hoped that, as the girl said, the Turks turned cool again very soon, because he was at the end of his rope putting up with the goody-goody act. 

"I know there's a waiting list and all, but maybe you can slip this on top," she handed him the form detailing the requested mission. "It's an unusual request... interested?" She grinned mischievously. 

Reno looked over the form. The job description was short, simple and to the point, consisting of only two words. He grinned, "sure, I can help you with this," and signed the form. 

Later that evening, Reno arrived at the young woman's apartment. She let him in and handed him a list. "Here you go." 

Reno looked at the list with a puzzled expression, "what's this?" 

"The list of the chores you need to do," the girl replied. 

Reno started reading a few of the items on the long list, "clean the house, do the laundry, wash the dishes, take out the trash, feed the fish, feed the cat, make sure the cat doesn't eat the fish, go grocery shopping, wash the car... what am I your slave?" 

"Isn't that what you signed up for? Personal slave, with emphasis on slave more so than personal." She gave him a pat on the back, "good luck." 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 10: Ham 

It seemed that ham had become Rude's worse enemy, as odd as it may sound. His latest missions had somehow involved ham, and he was fed up with it, no pun intended. 

First it was Tifa and her quest to find the most delicious ham for the big dinner she was planning for a reunion with all her friends. Rude's job was simple, to carry the grocery bags filled with an assortment of different hams and other foods that went well with ham. Cloud was off delivering packages, so Tifa didn't even bother to ask him for help with the groceries. 

As luck would have it, Cloud's deliveries for the day were not just any packages; they were ham, special gourmet hams that were to be taken to the Shinra grocery store for safe keeping, until Elena went by to pick them up and take them to Healin Lodge later that day. 

After Cloud delivered the gourmet hams that Rufus would eventually consume, the grocery store employees made him an offer that was hard to resist. They would give him a little extra gil if he helped unload and set up some regular hams that had just arrived in a truck, and Cloud agreed. 

The delivery boy was setting up the hams at the grocery store when he spotted Tifa. She was discussing hams with Rude as if it was the most interesting topic in the world. That's when his jealous side woke up and his insecurities kicked in. Then Cloud proceeded to whine and complain to Tifa about being excluded from ham shopping. 

The argument, and Tifa's attempt to console Cloud, made the shopping process move a lot slower, which meant they had to stay in the meat section right next to the hams for far longer than they originally intended. Even after Tifa finally picked all her hams, and the groceries were paid for and carried back to the Seventh Heaven, by both Rude and Cloud, Rude could not get the scent of ham out of his nose. 

At first Rude was annoyed, but when the scent of ham finally left him as he got home after a long day's work, he inexplicably felt like eating ham. That should be easy to solve, he had some ham in the refrigerator. It wasn't as fancy as Rufus' gourmet ham, but it would do. 

But alas that was not Rude's day. When he tried to search for the ham in the refrigerator, anticipating the delicious ham and cheese sandwich he would make, he found that the ham was missing, as were several other foods. 

"..." Rude only had one suspect, his best friend who came and went in and out of his apartment, making a mess, eating whatever he could find, and disappearing without cleaning after himself or mentioning what he ate. "Reno..." Rude settled for some ramen since he was not in the mood to leave his apartment again just to go buy some ham. 

The next day, Rude discovered that Elena had not cooked Rufus' ham on the previous day. The president had changed his mind and said he wanted to "leave it for tomorrow." That was the previous day, so the "tomorrow" that Rufus spoke of was today. On the previous day Elena could have cooked the ham, but today was her day off, which left Rufus' secondary cook in charge of feeding the hungry president, and the secondary cook was Rude. 

"No," Rude was not in the mood to deal with hams. Hams have been there when he did not want them to, their scent stayed with him when he wanted it to go away, and then, when he actually wanted ham, he didn't have ham. 

Rufus stared at Rude in disbelief, "you said no?" The Turks were there to protect him and to tend to his every need, which of course included food. 

Rude shook his head and looked at Reno. The redhead pointed at himself, "me? But the president banned me from the kitchen." Not only did Reno burn everything he attempted to cook, but he ate everything that did not needed to be cooked. 

"Rude, get me my ham, that's an order!" Rufus insisted. 

"No," Rude walked away. It was best that he didn't force himself to attempt to prepare Rufus' meal, because as fed up as he was with ham, the president might end up with a too large to swallow piece of ham forcefully jammed in his throat. 

Rufus was in shock from seeing Rude walk out. Reno was also surprised but he was the first to recover the ability to speak, "should I get the ham'" 

"No," Rufus decided that the ham would just have to wait. "Order a pizza instead." 

To be Continued

Most of the mission requests consisted of a character and a word, then I wrote a story about that character that involved the chosen item or verb, the others were basic concepts of things the Turks should do. 

Missions 02 and 03 were requested by Hikou. The idea for Mission 04 came from a comment sent by Sasami10. Mission 06 was requested by Little Duck. Mission 07 was requested by CrAze. Mission 08 was requested by Snow. Mission 09 was requested by Littleduck. Mission 10 was requested by Windy.


	2. Chapter 2

Missions: Report II 

Mission 11: Whips 

He slept in a coffin, he dressed like a vampire and he was just plain weird. It didn't come as a surprise to Reno, when he was assigned against his will to help Vincent Valentine move some of his old things from the Shinra mansion to his apartment, that the black haired man would have some odd items among his possessions. But Reno never imagined that Vincent had such a large collection of whips. 

As far as Reno knew, Vincent's weapon of choice was a gun, a three barreled gun with a cute little doggy charm hanging from it. Apparently decorating one's weapon was the in thing, and not wanting to be left behind, Reno had recently placed a viera keychain on his electro-rod. But that would be straying from the topic of Vincent's seemingly endless collection of whips. 

Reno stopped his insistent chanting of "I hate this job", placed another box full of whips in the helicopter, and looked at Vincent. "Why do you have so many whips?" 

"It is none of your concern," Vincent answered. 

"Does that mean I don't want to know, or that I should mind my own business?" Reno questioned. 

Vincent took a deep breath, he had not learned his lesson about hiring Turks to help out with simple tasks, and for that he felt that he could crawl back into his coffin and sleep for the next hundred years. "They were in the attic." 

"That's it? So you're just taking them?" Reno was relieved to hear a somewhat normal answer. The Shinra mansion had been abandoned many years ago, so it was no big deal if things were taken from there, no one really cared. At least it wasn't an odd answer like having a whip obsession. Though the question still remained, why would Vincent take the whips and not something else? "Why the whips?" 

"I mentioned it to Reeve and he asked me to bring them," Vincent replied. 

"Reeve..." Reno wondered why Reeve would want that many whips. "I know he collects cats, but why whips?" 

"The WRO's budget is not very extensive. I assume he wishes to help equip the troops or sell the whips." Vincent tried to remain calm. 

But Reno didn't know when to stop talking. "How cheap! With all the money Ruf- I mean, the mysterious benefactor has been giving the WRO that could have been used to pay for vaca-er... other things." 

It was no secret to Vincent, or to Reeve, or to the majority of the population of the new Midgar, that the mysterious benefactor was in fact Rufus Shinra. Who else was that rich anyway? "Shall we finish loading the boxes so you may leave?" 

Reno nodded and followed Vincent back inside. However, he did not remain quiet along the way as Vincent wished he had. "So how come we're taking this stuff to your apartment and not the WRO headquarters? Is Reeve going over to pick up the whips later? Or is it that he heard you hired a Turk and doesn't want Turks near the WRO? Are they planning something against Shinra?" 

"There are no conspiracies taking place," Vincent mentally begged for silence. 

But Reno would not allow that wish to be granted, "are you sure about that?" 

Vincent sighed; in the past he thought he should punish himself for his mistakes. But now he was sure his debt was paid and he wondered what he did to deserve this. Had he not been punished enough listening to Reno all that time? Oh how he wished to cast a spell of silence... 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 12: Date 

Rude was not very expressive or emotional, so when the identity of his mystery date was revealed he remained cool, calm and collected on the surface. But deep down Rude was frustrated. 

Rufus had the bright idea to make the Turks participate in a celebrity Valentine's Day auction, where the prize would be a date. Tseng and Elena avoided it by making it clear that they were dating each other. As deadly as Turks are trained to be, it was best not to provoke feelings of jealousy. Thus Tseng and Elena were out. 

Reno immediately said he had a girlfriend, but Rufus paid him no mind claiming that, "it's okay as long as she doesn't find out," because he didn't believe the girl existed anyway. 

In their little reunion at the president's office, it was at that point that Elena crossed her arms and glared icy daggers at Rufus, "don't encourage him to cheat." 

To which Rufus responded by assuring Elena that "Reno is lying." 

"I'm not lying!" Reno immediately defended himself. "If you don't believe me I'll tell her to come over tomorrow," and by then he would have turned that lie into a truth. Even if it was an improvised girlfriend, it was better than having no say at all on who the date was. 

"I know you're lying, you're just going to go out and find a girl at the last minute to get out of the auction." Rufus saw right through the plan. 

"So what if I am?" Reno challenged. "Actually, forget that, I'll just refuse." 

Rufus shrugged, he couldn't look too disappointed for his trick to work. "Very well, then I will fill in for you." 

The room was filled with gasps. "Wait, I changed my mind!" If Rufus was willing to go on the date, then the auction was either rigged to go to a certain girl, or all the richest girls participating were hot. 

"Fine, fine, I'll leave my participation for the last auction. Rude, you're in the first auction, Reno in the second, and I will be in the third," it was a lie. Rufus would not participate at all, but he needed to keep Reno motivated. 

As we end this little flashback at the president's office and return to the present at the Shinra lobby, we find Rude in a state of extreme frustration and making an inhuman effort not to show it, for there stood Cloud Strife, holding out the little slip of paper that proved he had won the auction. 

Reno, who had accompanied Rude to the lobby for moral support, and most of all to get a clearer idea of what awaited him in the next auction, was quick to point a finger at Cloud and yell at the top of his lungs, "Cloud Strife!" 

"I had to!" Cloud yelled equally as loud, if not louder. The random employees whose attention had not been caught by Reno, was now captured by Cloud, and the blond felt countless pairs of eyes focused on him. "It's not... It's just that..." 

"Tifa," Rude voiced. His only hope was that this was a gift for Tifa. Not that he actually expected it to be. 

Cloud took a deep breath, "okay, I admit it. I overheard Tifa talking about an auction and thought it was for Rude, so I outbid her... But then I realized that I actually outbid a girl I don't know and the auction Tifa was participating in was some online auction for a plushie." 

Reno burst out laughing, "you messed up!" 

Rude was not happy, he cleared his throat and Reno immediately fell silent. 

Cloud shifted uncomfortably, "sorry," the delivery boy apologized. 

Rude shook his head, it couldn't be helped. It was too late, since the auction was already over. 

Cloud rubbed the back of his head and shifted his weight from one foot to the other, "we could go play cards at Cid's house." 

Thus Rude ended up playing cards with the guys instead of going out on a date, but in the next auction it was Reno's turn. To quiet Reno's complaints, Rufus set some new rules for the second auction, only women could bid, which banned jealous men who suspected their crushes were bidding from ruining the auction. After the auction ended, Reno waited in the lobby to meet his mystery date, but she was nowhere to be found. 

A couple arrived and the lady handed Reno the paper. Then the woman spoke, "we'll be gone all day, so you'll have the house to yourself," and she handed him a set of keys. 

Reno thought his real date must be waiting in the home of this couple; maybe it was a sister, cousin, or friend. Then he finally realized that he had seen these people before. They were Shera and Cid Highwind. "So who's the date?" Reno asked, Shera had already said she and Cid would be out, plus she was married, so it was obvious she didn't enter the auction for herself. Reno could only reason that he was intended to be a gift for a fan girl. 

"There's no date for you," Cid informed him. 

"Sorry, but I wanted someone to clean the house and do a few chores while Cid and I go out. The Turks mission requests were cancelled until the Valentine's Day auction was over so I just used the auction..." Shera explained, but she was leaving a very important detail out, that would soon be revealed. 

"Why do you need a Turk? Why go through all of this for a house keeper?" It made no sense to Reno, it was all too suspicious. 

Cid lowered his voice, "not exactly, you need to complete this list of chores," and Reno was given the list, "but your real job is to guard the plans for my new airship. Someone will try to steal them tonight." 

"So who's guarding the plans now?" Sure it was only the afternoon, but if the goods were left unguarded, thieves could strike in broad daylight. 

"No one, because I'm taking the disk with the plans with me. I would catch the thief myself but," Cid glanced at Shera. 

"No more canceling our dates," Shera warned him. 

"The thief might chicken out if I'm around, but the Turk's new goody-goody reputation will trick him into taking the risk, then you can catch him." Cid finished. 

"Do I get to beat up the thief?" Reno asked. 

Cid nodded, "sure, why not?" 

He might have been cheated out of a date with a hot rich girl, but at least Reno would get to release some stress and defend the reputation of the Turks tonight. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 13: Chocobo 

Elena and Tseng had exhausted their patience dealing with the two indifferent chocobos. At first the male would avoid the uninterested female, and the Turks would lead the female towards the male in hopes of starting some attraction between the two chocobos. This only served to scare the male who ran away to be chased by Tseng. 

That chocobo was not the brightest creature, running towards the swamp where he was nearly eaten. Tired, muddy and in a bad mood, Tseng returned from his mission having rescued the suicidal cowardly chocobo. 

Then, by the effects of the heat or the scent of the odd smelling greens that the chocobos were being fed, Elena had an idea. "Give him a man to man talk while I give her a make over." 

Thus Tseng ended up trying to give the male chocobo a man to man talk, or a man to chocobo talk to be more precise. The chocobo was tied to the fence with a rope around his neck to prevent him from running away again. 

"You're ignoring me, aren't you?" Tseng already felt ridiculous trying to talk to a chocobo, but being ignored by a chocobo was too much. "Why can't you just give her a chance so we can leave?" The Turks' mission was to feed all the chocobos at the farm and play matchmaker for those two chocobos. Feeding the chocobos was simple enough, but the chocobos that were supposed to be a couple were not cooperating. 

Meanwhile, inside the chocobo stables, Elena had busied herself in brushing the female chocobo's feathers. "I'll make you look really pretty, then that chocobo will like you." But the female chocobo remained indifferent. 

Outside, Tseng continued his effort to motivate the male chocobo. "It's okay; women are not as scary as you think they are..." he felt a little guilty lying to the poor bird, but it was all so he could get his mission done and leave. "All you have to do is give her a chance; I know you'll end up liking her. Then eventually she will lay an egg." Tseng had his serious doubts that a valuable racing chocobo could come from such a combination, but it wasn't his job to question the chocobo farmer's choices. 

"Come back here!" Elena suddenly came running out of the stable, chasing after the female chocobo. "Tseng, stop her! I tried to give her a bath and she ran away!" Apparently, that particular chocobo wasn't too fond of water. 

Tseng got ready to capture the chocobo, but the female didn't run out of the ranch as he expected. Instead she ran towards the male and started pecking and scratching at him, while he tugged on the rope trying to break free. 

"Oh no, they're fighting!" Elena panicked, "this is terrible, we failed the mission and now they'll never be together!" 

"Elena..." Tseng pointed towards the two chocobos, surprise evident in his voice. 

"How do we stop them from fighting?" Elena paused, a shocked expression appearing on her face. "They're not fighting anymore?" 

"No, they're not," Tseng confirmed. 

"They like each other?" Elena blinked; the two chocobos seemed to have worked things out after their short fight. She shook her aching head and held it in her hands. "No one is going to believe us if we say we got stuck playing matchmaker for the strangest chocobos in the world," and it was best to just forget about it anyway. At least the mission was done, but this would not be their last mission at the chocobo farm. 

Time passed and Tseng and Elena were called for another mission. Once again they were left to deal with feeding all the chocobos, which wasn't all that hard. But of course there had to be a catch. It turns out that the egg from the couple on their last mission had hatched, but the parents were away at the chocobo races, leaving the chick to be cared for by humans. 

"It's so cute!" Elena held the small chocobo chick. It was hard to believe the baby had come from the egg of such a troublesome and odd chocobo couple, and it was even harder to believe that the tiny bird would grow to be large enough to carry a human. Elena tried to feed the chick the baby chocobo formula filled with all the nutrients he needed to grow big and strong, but the chick wouldn't drink it. 

"It probably tastes bad..." Tseng observed. That green goop did not look appetizing at all, even for a chocobo. 

"But he needs the vitamins..." Elena tried again, resorting to everything from the classic airplane dramatizations, to the overused trick of pretending to eat it herself to show how yummy it was. Of course it was only a side view visual trick, and the green stuff never touched her mouth. 

The chick then began to chirp, proclaiming his hunger in a loud high pitched voice, but still refused to eat the sticky green stuff. "I'll ask if there's something else we can feed him." While Tseng went to seek some advice from the chocobo experts that hired them out of laziness, Elena sang a little lullaby. 

After a while of Elena's singing, and rocking the chocobo in her arms, the chick calmed down but continued to chirp softly, as if asking to be fed. "Poor little one, I wish I had something yummy to give you." 

As if on cue, Tseng arrived with some gooey white and yellow stuff that looked slightly better than the green stuff. "They said this is sweeter, and he might like it better." He handed the food to Elena who once again tried to feed the chick. This time the baby ate it. 

The Turks continued feeding the little chick, and admiring his cuteness, until some footsteps were heard, followed by the click of a camera. There stood Reno, looking victorious, "mission accomplished!" 

"Mission? What mission?" Tseng asked. 

"I got a mission directly from Rufus," Reno replied. It was a mission that not even Tseng knew about. After all those missions for civilians, Reno was glad to receive a mission directly from the president. It might not be a cool, spy-movie style mission, but it was better than what he had been doing lately. "My mission was to capture a cute and fluffy moment with the Turks on camera. You two look like the chocobo is your baby." 

So far, Tseng had more or less eluded having his cool Turk image be fully destroyed. Sure all their images suffered, but Tseng had not been completely ridiculed yet, and he wasn't looking forward to some paid journalist try to make the chocobo lovers favor Shinra by portraying Tseng as having a chocobo obsession himself. "Give me the camera!" Tseng chased after Reno, who ran away with the camera. A man had to have his limits after all, and Tseng would draw the line right before the last shred of Turk dignity was consumed. Elena shrugged and let them go; mistakenly assuming the article wouldn't be so bad. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 14: Scissors 

Elena grumbled as the scissors chewed the thick cardboard paper, art was not her best subject. She was feeling very frustrated with her project, but she motivated herself by imagining it was some kind of odd Turk mission. 

Elena's older sister, Gun, had excelled in all her classes; she graduated from high school with perfect grades and went off to follow in their father's footsteps and become a Turk. Though most of the information concerning Gun's missions was top secret, Elena always heard how proud her father was, and she was condemned to be not 'Elena', but simply, her father's daughter, or worse yet, 'Gun's sister'. Their names were often attached to her relation to them as a way to identify Elena, and that did not feel good at all, she wanted her own identity outside of the shadow of her father and sister. 

Elena had grown a competitive spirit, fueled by the need to please and be noticed. She wanted to at least catch up to her sister, and if possible someday outshine her. She wanted to be the one to carry her father's legacy along with the Turks. 

But alas, Elena was still a high school student, battling with an annoying art project. She threw the scissors across the room at the same time the door was suddenly opened. She didn't have time to warn the person who had just entered her father's office about the flying scissors, but he easily caught the projectile and surveyed the office as if nothing ever happened. 

Elena would have apologized for the sudden loss of her temper, but her voice seemed to disappear when she noticed that the one standing at the door was none other than Sephiroth, the hero and legend. 

The tall silver haired man looked down at the blond girl who sat on the floor surrounded by a multitude of art supplies that did not fit on her father's desk, the smooth wood surface already occupied with a computer and several folders. "Where is your father?" 

The question was simple enough, and the tone was generally calm, but Elena couldn't decide if she should be angry, embarrassed or thankful that her thrown scissors were disregarded. But the scissors were not the point, being treated like a child was. She pushed her voice out of her throat, vowing not to allow another awkward silence to form ever in her life, and thus eventually becoming quite talkative. "He's not here, but if you need to hand in a report I can give it to him." Elena got up and dusted the small pieces of left over paper off her skirt, letting them fall on the floor like confetti. It wasn't unheard of that sometimes Soldiers and Turks went on missions together, and that would explain the folder Sephiroth was holding, even legendary heroes couldn't escape paperwork. 

That girl, the daughter of that well known Turk, Sephiroth didn't know her, but it was rather obvious that she came and went in and out of Shinra with her father's ID as she pleased, and no one complained about it. She was probably a future Turk so she might as well get used to being in Shinra. Sephiroth handed her the folder, which Elena received and placed in her father's desk. Then the Soldier gave her the scissors back. 

Elena took the scissors and muttered an embarrassed, "thanks." 

The silver haired legend nodded and left the office. Out at the hall, Sephiroth observed his hand. Somehow that school girl's unintentional blow had punctured his glove. He removed the black glove and examined the small cut. 

"Let me see!" Zack Fair came out of a near by elevator and stared at Sephiroth's hand. "The great Sephiroth bleeds!" Zack gasped dramatically. 

Sephiroth tried to ignore the sarcasm, "it's nothing." 

"Who was it?" All the Soldiers from third to first class had been begging to spar with Sephiroth, and when he did grant them the honor, they were quickly beaten effortlessly. The Soldiers had made it their mission to at least put a scratch on Sephiroth, but none had succeeded until now. Zack had to know who managed to make that cut, but Sephiroth wasn't telling. 

However, despite the silver haired Soldier's determination for silence, Reno eventually learned the truth, with his incredible ability to annoy people until they talked, all while making it sound like a friendly conversation. Of course, he had to exaggerate the tale when he passed it forward, needless to say, Sephiroth wasn't happy... and neither was Gun. 

xoxox xox xoxox xox 

Mission 15: Polish 

"Polish?" Reno looked absolutely horrified when he was informed about the mission. "Polish?! There's no way I'm going to polish anything. I'm a Turk!" 

"I never said you had to polish something. Your mission is only to find and buy high quality polish," Vincent clarified. He didn't really feel like hiring a Turk to run this errand, but he couldn't find anyone else to do it, and he did not wish to go himself because of the inevitable questions that would follow. 

"What's the polish for?" Questions such as the one Reno just asked. 

"You do not need to know that," Vincent didn't feel like explaining it to Reno any more than he felt like explaining it to the shop keepers, hence why he intended to send the Turk to buy the polish and let him deal with the questions. "As a Turk you should be trained to accomplish your mission without questioning it." 

"Yes, but..." But this wasn't a real Turk mission; it was an errand, the kind of thing a child would do to earn a little extra allowance; and it annoyed Reno to no end thinking this was his job. "I won't know which polish to get unless I know what it's for." 

"Metal," Vincent replied, unconsciously hiding his left hand in his cloak. 

"For your glove and shoes?" Reno laughed, "you could have just said so from the beginning, but I'm only buying it and you're paying for it. I refuse to shine anything; you'll have to do that yourself." 

"I already told you, you only need to buy it," Vincent was losing his patience, he didn't exactly feel comfortable with the subject, but Reno didn't understand that. 

"What's so bad about going to the store and buying polish?" The redhead continued asking questions, and drying what was left of Vincent's patience. 

"It is... unusual and..." Vincent paused; then glared, "you must leave on your mission at once! Questioning your mission will not be tolerated!" 

Reno did a mock salute, "yes sir!" and started heading for the door of Vincent's apartment, where he stopped and looked back at his client. "You're probably afraid people will think you're a freak." 

A golden shoe came close to hitting Reno, but the Turk reacted fast enough and ducked, the dangerously pointy shoe flying over his head. "Okay, okay, I get it! Armored vampires have feelings too!" Reno made his escape before he became the target of Cerberus. 

Buying the polish was easy enough, and so was delivering it. "Good, well done, you may leave now," Vincent received the polish and practically pushed Reno out the door. 

However, Reno held on to the door frame and refused to leave. "Wait! Aren't you going to let me watch how it works?" 

"I do not ask to watch you while you work on personal hygiene." Vincent reached for Cerberus, which would also get polished soon. 

"That would be weird, but it's not like you're going to bathe in polish, are you? You're more of a freak than I thought!" 

"I will not use the polish for bathing, now leave!" Vincent insisted. 

"I get it! That glove thing is attached so you can't take it off. That sucks; I bet it scares away the fan girls. Good thing I don't need polish to look good." When Reno lowered his guard, Vincent shoved him out the door and closed it, locking the complaining Turk out. 

Next time Vincent would buy the polish himself and put up with the questions and strange looks. It was certainly better than putting up with Reno. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 16: Ninja 

"Sign here," Yuffie eyed the paper Reno was holding. "Is that what I was called here for?" 

"Yes," the Turk replied holding out a pen as well. The Wutai Pagoda could be seen in the background, surrounded by complaining tourists that were not allowed to go up. 

"I guess you don't mind if I read it." Yuffie wasn't stupid. Her father had called her, claiming that she needed to perform an important task for the benefit of her country, and that just made it seem all the more suspicious. 

But Reno had nothing to hide, "go ahead, there are no tricks." 

Yuffie took the paper and read it. "So basically it says that I gave you a tour of Wutai and discussed important historical events. You want me to skip all that and sign this, right? This is part of Shinra's good image propaganda! They want to prove that the Turks enjoy and respect the culture of Wutai even if it's a big fat lie. I refuse to sign this!" The ninja stomped her feet, feeling the beginning of a temper tantrum. 

"Wait a minute!" Reno countered, "I appreciate Wutai and if you would just sign it so I can call my mission done, I will continue appreciating Wutai. Besides, I'm bringing proof just in case." Reno wasn't wearing his uniform for this mission. Instead he was wearing, jeans, sneakers, a Tshirt with a picture of two ninjas and the word 'Wutai' written in bold font, and a metal plated headband with a W. 

"Covering yourself in souvenirs is not the same as appreciating Wutai's historical value! We're not just a tourist trap!" Everyone could hear Yuffie yelling, and a group of tourists was starting to form a circle around them assuming it was some kind of tour guide promotion, oh the irony. 

"Fine, then you can enlighten me about Wutaian history in that restaurant over there," Reno pushed past the crowds, leaving Yuffie with the unsigned paper. 

The ninja girl followed the Turk, "I'm not done talking!" 

Once seated in the restaurant, it became apparent that Reno would pay more attention to his food than to anything Yuffie would say. "You can start the history lesson any time." 

"Right," deciding that she might as well try to enlighten the Turk, and this was as much attention as she would ever get, Yuffie began the lesson. "Wutai is a proud nation of ninjas, or at least it was until Shinra came to invade us and turn this place into a pitiful tourist trap! My father has no sense of Wutaian pride; I think I'm the only real ninja left around here!" 

"Wait, are you going to give me stuff to write on the report for Tseng and Rufus, or are you just going to vent?" Reno interrupted. 

"This is important!" Yuffie took a deep breath; she would at least try to share some Wutaian history, if only to satisfy her own ninja pride. "Wutai was founded on... on this land, by... a ninja. Our culture is very interesting and..." 

"I think the tour guide booklet explains it better, not that I actually read it," Reno interrupted the so called lesson. 

"Fine, so I paid even less attention in history class than in the rope escape lessons," Yuffie admitted. "But that's not what Wutai is all about!" 

Reno's PHS beeped, it wasn't a call but a text message. He looked at the sender and opened it. But before he could read the message, the PHS was gone, seemingly vanished into thin air. "What?" He was holding the PHS a second ago and now his hand was empty. 

"This is what Wutai is about," Yuffie held the PHS victoriously, "ninja skills!" 

"I didn't bring my materia," Reno pointed out. 

"That was the first thing I noticed," Yuffie read the message, "from your girlfriend?" 

"Give that back, it's from work!" Reno attempted to recover his PHS but Yuffie ran away with it. 

"From work? I don't believe it!" Yuffie ran out of the restaurant with Reno chasing after her. The owner didn't make a fuss, and simply added the unpaid bill to Shinra's tab, assuming Reno was on a paid company vacation, though he had not been on one in a while. 

"It's true!" Reno yelled as they ran all the way to the pagoda, pushing past the crowds of tourists. 

"So who at work calls you Ren-cake?" Yuffie pocketed the PHS and bolted past the guard inside the pagoda. 

Reno hit the guard with his electrorod, and followed Yuffie. "Fine, so it's not from work." 

"Yuffie!" A little girl from Wutai who aspired to be a ninja like Yuffie called out to her. "Look how far up on the pagoda I made it on my own! Let's train together!" She ran over to Yuffie. 

"I can't talk now," Yuffie continued running, this was kind of fun. "Turks are slowpokes!" 

"Who are you calling a slowpoke!" Reno continued giving chase. 

The little Wutaian girl pointed at Reno, "you're not supposed to be here!" But he had already run past and didn't listen. 

When they finally arrived at the top floor, having beaten all the enemies that got in their way, Reno chased Yuffie around in circles for a while, trying to recover his PHS. This went on until the same little girl arrived, "you're in big trouble Mr. Turk! I called your boss and told him that you're in the pagoda!" 

"How do you even know Rufus' number?" Reno didn't believe her. 

"It's on your PHS," the little girl held up the devise victoriously. 

"What? How? Hey!" Yuffie pointed and jumped around. Her little prodigy had stolen what she stole first. "Not fair!" 

"I'll take that back now," Reno took his PHS. 

The little girl returned the PHS without complaints. "Its okay Yuffie, I told his boss so now he's in trouble!" 

Reno rolled his eyes, "tattle tell," and he headed downstairs to leave the pagoda. 

"Must train harder..." Yuffie muttered, though the little girl was only trying to help, Yuffie couldn't let her young fan surpass her. 

As Reno came out of the pagoda, several tourists took pictures because it was very rare that someone who wasn't from Wutai went up to the pagoda, though the pictures didn't show he forced his way in. 

It turns out the little girl from Wutai wasn't very specific during her call to Rufus, and the president was left with the impression that Reno was actually allowed to go to the pagoda. With people's vacation pictures being sent over Shinra's internet service provider, it was easy to get some of those pictures and the mission was considered a big success even if Reno never obtained the signature of someone from Wutai's leader family. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 17: Flowers 

Reno and Rude were surprised to find that, though this mission was requested by Cloud Strife, it didn't involve delivering packages or helping him pick a gift for Tifa. Instead it was all about gardening. 

"You want us to take care of the flowers?" That was not something Reno was good at. 

"Yes, I'll give you the easiest part, water the flowers," Cloud handed Reno a watering can. "Rude and I will take care of collecting seeds and planting them." 

"The easiest part? Are you saying I'm bad at this?" Reno complained. 

Cloud nodded, "yes." 

There was a short moment of tension in which Rude considered stepping in, "yeah you're probably right," but the tension dissipated as if it was never even there when Reno accepted the truth. Reno went off to do his assigned task, grumbling that he was a Turk and not a gardener. 

Cloud and Rude went to work as well, but they weren't all that great at gardening either. "Don't step on the flowers!" Cloud suddenly yelled. 

Reno threw the watering can in surprise and it hit Cloud on the head. The redhead looked at the flowers crushed under his feet. "Oops..." 

Cloud rubbed the sore spot on his head. "Stop stepping on them!" 

Reno scrambled away from the flowers, stepping on more as he did. "How am I supposed to water the flowers in the middle without stepping on any of them?" 

"Step between them, not on them," Cloud pointed out. 

"Easier said than done," Reno snatched the watering can and tried again, this time stepping between the flowers like Cloud said. 

Cloud nodded in approval and went back to his previous task of collecting seeds so they could be planted. "Rude, don't pull out the seeds like that, you're supposed to be gentle with flowers, Aerith said so." 

Rude offered no reply beyond "..." and continued working. 

Reno continued to balance himself stepping between the flowers, until he lost his footing trying to avoid squishing a flower, and ended up falling on a lot of flowers. 

"Reno!" Cloud yelled so loud that his voice echoed. "The flowers!" He was supposed to be doing something in Aerith's honor by helping take care of her flowers, but now Cloud thought that maybe it was best to let the flowers take care of themselves. Cloud's eyes glowed mako green and he passed out. 

Cloud found himself in an endless whiteness. There was someone standing behind him. The voice was familiar, it was Aerith's voice. "You've been working very hard." 

"But I let them die, the flowers, crushed like Sector Seven," Cloud replied. 

"It's alright, you only wanted to help. Accidents happen, don't worry so much about it, the flowers will grow back." Aerith spoke gently. 

Cloud tried to turn around, but as it always happened, Aerith disappeared, and Cloud woke up. "Ow..." 

"I think you crushed more flowers than I did," Reno sounded amused, he hated this job and he was so bored he became easily amused. 

"What?" Cloud quickly got up, realizing that when he fainted, he landed on the flowers. He sighed; maybe it was best to leave the flowers alone from now on. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 18: Apology 

"You're such good children..." It was the seventh time so far that Elmyra had said this. 

Elena endured it with a smile and nod; she wasn't too bothered by it. Tseng nodded with a neutral expression, Rude remained as still as a statue and Reno twitched. 

"We're not good children," the redhead grumbled, loud enough for his Turk companions to hear, but not loud enough for the sound to reach Elmyra. "We're Turks." 

Tseng elbowed Reno, while Elena kept Elmyra distracted by asking, "is there anything else you need?" despite Reno frantically shaking his head for her to stop. He didn't want to do anything else. 

"Tseng, darling, could you water the flowers, Aerith used to water them all the time," Elmyra requested. 

"I will water them..." Tseng left to do his assigned chore, trying his best not to sound like it was a drag, even if it was. 

"Elena, sweetie, could you get started in the kitchen? Let's all have lunch together!" Elmyra continued assigning chores. 

"No problem!" With her best media face, Elena went off to accomplish her next task. 

"Rude, dear, you look like a strong boy, you can help me rearrange the furniture." Elmyra only received a nod as a response this time and Rude remained characteristically quiet. "Reno, strawberry, could you help clean around the house?" 

Reno twitched, dear, sweetie and darling were silly enough, but strawberry? "Strawberry?" 

"Oh yes, your hair is the same color as a strawberry, it's so cute," Elmyra giggled. 

Reno continued to twitch, doing his best to keep his temper in check. The solitude and the trauma of losing all her family was getting to Elmyra, and she was now convinced that the Turks were the grandchildren that Aerith never gave her. She didn't even realize that they were close to the age Aerith would have been if she was still alive, some even a little older. 

In reality, the Turks were there to bring an apology from Rufus to Elmyra for all the trouble Shinra had caused her, including the death of her husband serving Shinra in the past and the sacrifice of her adopted daughter who was trying to stop Sephiroth. As usual Rufus was sending off the Turks to do the hard work, because no matter how much Shinra changed, some things never changed. 

A giggle came from the kitchen, and Reno knew that Elena had heard Elmyra calling him strawberry and was laughing at his account. Then he noticed Tseng looking inside the house from the window when he should have been out watering the garden, he too had an amused expression. Even Rude almost laughed, almost but not quite, because he was Rude and Rude never laughed out loud. But on the inside, Reno was sure that Rude was laughing like never before. 

"You're such good children..." Reno glanced at Rude, searching for support, as Elmyra repeated yet again. Then he looked towards the window but Tseng had already left to water the flowers. The sound of pot and pans was heard, and the scent of food filled the house indicating that Elena was busy in the kitchen. "Let's move this couch over there, so strawberry can clean behind it." Elmyra was oblivious to it, but that day Reno hated the new missions more than ever. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 19: Reconstruction 

"You should reconsider, it's not safe here," Tseng had been trying to reason with the inhabitants of Mideel for the past hour. "There are some very good apartments available in Edge." 

"No, no, and a million times no!" The mayor insisted, supported by the unanimous decision of the rest of the Mideel population. "This is our home and we will not abandon it! We didn't abandon it when it had a big hole of life stream in the middle, and we won't abandon it now!" 

The planet had eventually began to heal its wound, though there was still a crater where the large pool of life stream had been, this wound wasn't as big as the one in the Northern Crater. The life stream was sucked into the ground and the dry land of the crater was livable, but uncomfortable. Even so, the residents of Mideel stayed in their land and built their new houses around the crater. 

The new structures were weak, having been constructed in a hurry due to the pressing necessity of shelter. The materials used where of poor quality, random pieces of wood collected in the area, and reused parts of what was left of the old houses. To summarize, the new houses were not all that stable and the media made it Shinra's duty to make sure everyone had a safe place to live. 

If those houses came apart and someone was crushed to death, injured, or even lightly scratched, it would be Shinra's fault like everything else in the world. Thus the Turks were sent to try to talk the residents of Mideel into relocating into an apartment complex in the city of Edge. 

Should the Mideel people refuse to move, the current structures that housed them would be strengthened and remodeled into something that resembled a decent living area with the Turks as the remodeling crew. 

"..." Rude was silent as usual. 

"Yes, I know," Reno agreed with Rude, as if he could tell what Rude was saying just by looking at his neutral expression. 

"Do you two have a psychic connection or something?" Elena took a break from painting the neighbor's house to see how Reno and Rude were doing. 

"What do you mean? Didn't you get what Rude was trying to say just now?" Reno placed the nail on the wood and attempted to hammer it in. 

"Not really..." Elena admitted. 

When Reno threw the hammer back and brought it down on the nail, he realized that he only had the handle. "Cheap hammer..." 

"Duck!" Elena suddenly looked alarmed. 

"Wark!" A baby chocobo curiously approached Reno. 

"It's a chocobo," Reno paid no mind to the hammer, which was missing the metal part that had flown off and knocked out the mayor. 

"Oh no!" Elena pointed at the unconscious mayor, as a circle of Mideel villagers surrounded him. 

"..." Rude watched quietly. 

"Yes it is," Reno petted the baby chocobo; any distraction from the unwanted work was welcome. "It's a chocobo, it's still a baby but it's bigger than a duck." 

Tseng arrived with more materials, setting a bunch of wood down and rubbing his sore shoulders. "What are those villagers doing over there?" He didn't like how it looked at all. 

The Mideel villagers dissipated the circle, revealing the knocked out mayor, who was being carried to the clinic. "Hey, what happened to the old guy? Did he have a heart attack or something?" Reno asked, as if he had no part on it. Then he saw the missing part of the hammer near the scene of the incident. "Is that...?" 

"Yes it is!" Elena yelled. 

"Reno!" Tseng scolded him. 

The villagers had quickly gotten ready to hunt down the Turks with torches and pitchforks as if it was a classic ogre hunt from medieval times. The four Turks ran to their helicopter and took off full speed to Shinra HQ, and away from the murderous villagers. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 20: Entertainment 

Instead of feeling a great foreboding, and refusing the mission at all costs, Reno was relieved to hear the setting of his next mission was the Forgotten Capital. He didn't know what in the world he was supposed to be doing there, but it couldn't be community service, because there was no community to serve in such a remote area. 

The red haired Turk took to the skies on a helicopter, assuming he was to lead a dangerous expedition or something like that. There was nothing to worry about as far as he knew, but he could at least pretend this was an adventure and attempt to mend the broken pride of being a Turk. 

By the time he landed at his destination, Reno had not even fully read the mission request, having left Shinra as soon as he read the location of the mission. Thus where the mission took place was all he knew about the mission, and he still ignored what his task would be, but it couldn't be that bad, right? It was about time Lady Luck stopped being angry at him. 

But alas, unknown to Reno, Lady Luck was moody and pissed off, so he was not going to catch a break today. Had Reno taken the needed time to analyze the mission, he might have noticed that the origin of the form was a mystery. The paper appeared on his desk out of nowhere, even if no one had placed it there, and few had access to the Turks' floor anyway. 

The security cameras, had they been checked, would show nothing but an eerie green glow. There had been a ghostly presence manifesting itself by printing out the request form, filling it out and placing it on Reno's desk; but none of that was checked. 

Reno left the chopper parked as close as he could get to the Forgotten Capital and walked deeper into forest of unusual trees that looked like a combination between trees and ocean flora. Shells and sand adorned the area, making Reno wonder if the place had been under water long ago. But quite frankly, he didn't care; he just wanted to get some decent entertainment out of his mission like he used to do while blowing things up and dodging bullets. 

"There he is!" The voice was child-like, and Reno couldn't help it but to cringe, fearing that he had been tricked into another babysitting job, though at quite an odd location. 

"Kadaj? Yazoo? Loz?" They looked like miniature versions of the three remnants of Sephiroth. 

"Play with us!" Kadaj demanded, pouting, crossing his arms over his chest and stomping his foot for emphasis. 

Reno pulled the mission form out of his pocket and cursed his own haste. The mission's description that he read for the first time there and then indeed requested that he played with the boys, that was his mission all along. "Are we going to play destroy the world or kill Strife?" Reno actually sounded hopeful. 

"No, we're going to play tag and you're going to be it!" Kadaj and his brothers ran off, fully expecting Reno to chase after them. 

Reno stood there for a few seconds rooted to the spot. Finally, he breathed deeply and started running. "You better be plotting to call meteor or something!" Because Reno was desperate for a real mission, even if it meant the possible destruction of the planet. 

After running for a while, and losing sight of the three boys, Reno set out to search for them to interrogate them about their mysterious return, and the possibility of Sephiroth coming back. At least that would give the Turks something to do and Rufus would be forced to suspend the ridiculous missions. 

A small laugh was heard, but Reno pretended not to hear it. He searched the bushes at the base of a tree then pretended to be on his way, but he suddenly turned around and dashed towards the three, climbing faster than most people could. "I found you!" He sat on a branch next to Loz. 

"You didn't catch me!" Loz went further out into the tree branch. 

"Come back kid, if you fall and crack your head open, Sephiroth might come out. I know that's Kadaj's deal, but I'm not taking any chances." As much as Reno wanted Sephiroth to return for the sake of having a mission worthy of a Turk, he didn't want the One Winged Angel to come back as a reaction to a broken remnant and possibly seek revenge on the one who let that remnant get hurt. 

"I don't want to be it!" The branch where Loz was started to crack under his weight until it broke. 

Reno reacted fast enough, and grabbed Loz's hand pulling him up to safety. Loz got scared and clung to Reno who somehow managed to get both of them down from the tree without any casualties. 

As soon as they were down from the tree, Loz jammed his fingers into Reno's nose, "I didn't want to be it!" Little Loz cried. 

Reno pried the crying child off and put him on the ground, "stop that you little brat!" 

"What did you do to my brother?!" Yazoo came running out of nowhere and kicked Reno on the knee. 

"You little son of Jenova!" Reno hopped around on one foot. 

Then Kadaj joined them, "hey! Why are you playing with everyone else and not with me? I don't want to be ignored!" 

The three children then tackled Reno, demanding attention and piggy back rides from their new toy. Reno really wanted to get rid of them permanently, but the return of Sephiroth might be the only thing capable of bringing enough chaos to require real Turk missions and restore the meaning of being a Turk. 

To be Continued

Mission 11 was requested by S.N. Naina. Mission 12 was requested by Sasami10. Mission 13 was requested by Death Korps (the chocobos) and Sasami10 (Tseng and Elena). Mission 14 was requested by Niquie. Most of the missions in this collection take place after Advent Children, except Mission 14, which takes place during Before Crisis. Mission 15 was requested by Sharem. Mission 16 was requested by les yeux sans visage. Mission 17 and 19 were requested by Death Korps. Mission 18 was requested by Death Korps, an apology for Elmyra, and it's also for evenstarfictionfan who wanted to see more missions with all the Turks. Mission 20 was requested by Silver Tears 11.


	3. Chapter 3

Missions: Report III 

Mission 21: Career Day 

"Why do I have to do this?" Reno complained for the millionth time. 

"Because it's simple and not even you can mess it up," Tseng tried to reason with him. 

But Reno only pouted, not satisfied with the answer. "Not even I can mess it up? I used to finish all my missions when they were real Turk missions!" Reno complained and grumbled all the way as he headed out the door. 

"Take the train, not the chopper!" Tseng called out, but the mode of transportation chosen for Reno caused him to curse loudly and refused to listen. "And watch the language!" Tseng added, much to Reno's dismay. 

Of course the redhead used a helicopter to reach his destination anyway, a school. He landed the chopper in the middle of the playground where some kids were previously playing baseball. The pitcher, whose cap had been blown off, just stared at the helicopter that landed inches away from him. 

Reno hopped off the helicopter and looked at his mission form. "Hey kid, where's room 101?" 

"Over there, but it's recess right now so it's empty," the shocked pitcher pointed at the classroom. 

"Recess, huh? That was my favorite subject in school." But that also meant that Reno would have to wait until recess was over to give his silly little career day speech in front of the class. 

The kids seemed to finally get over their surprise in seeing a helicopter land in their playground and surrounded Reno asking to ride the chopper. A group of little girls pushed past the baseball team wanting Reno's autograph and phone number, though Reno only provided the autographs. 

By the time recess was over, with a bunch of kids crowding around him, Reno somehow managed to make it to the classroom where an old lady with graying hair was, with a dark aura around her. The old lady had the most unfriendly face one could imagine, as if she hated joy and happiness. "So you're the Turk?" She gave Reno a disapproving look, "sloppy." 

Well sure, his hair was messy, shirt un-tucked, he had no tie, and his posture was laidback and carefree, save for the slight twitching caused by the constant squealing chibis all around. Reno tried to ignore the old lady that he was certain he had seen somewhere before, as he pulled out a wrinkled paper from his pocket and began to read. "My name is Tseng... What!? Tseng!? This was supposed to be Leader's mission?!" 

"I knew you looked familiar!" The old lady pointed with a ruler. "Reno, you always copied Rude's homework and actually read his name a few times during show and tell. So you're still copying someone else's work?" 

"You're the same old hag that was here when I was in elementary school!" Reno could hardly believe it. 

"How dare you!" The old hag hyperventilated, waving her ruler around like the conductor of a very crazy orchestra. "I knew you wouldn't accomplish anything in your life. You've been doing Shinra's dirty work all this time, haven't you?" 

"Pyramid!" The old hag found herself trapped inside a triangular force field, with no one willing to break her out. "Now for the real career day speech, being a Turk is all about being cool and not putting up with stuff like this." The students cheered, having decided what they wanted to be when they grew up. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 22: Scavenger Hunt 

Though they were supposed to be on somewhat friendly terms, and even if Rufus Shinra funded his organization, the flames of rivalry burned strong when ever the pretty president saw Reeve Tuesti. The ex-executive had left Shinra to support Avalanche. Though he physically remained with Shinra during most of the Meteor ordeal, he sent his more useful representative, Cait Sith, to lend a hand in stopping Sephiroth along with Cloud's group. That traitor! 

Sure there was a debt to be paid, and Rufus would finance it, but letting go of his pride was another story. The Shinra Company would not lose to the World Restoration Organization in the noble game of a scavenger hunt. Rufus made certain of that when he and Reeve, the team captains, who were not to participate in the hunt itself, hid the plushies that were the prices of the scavenger hunt. 

The locations of said plushies would be deciphered through clues. Those clues were very easy to figure out, because that was not the real test at all. The places where the plushies were hidden would prove difficult to reach. Reeve's team was made from mostly volunteers, Rufus assumed, and the strongest players, the only concerns, were Vincent Valentine and Yuffie Kisaragi. Traveling by air was a requirement so that might considerably slow the ninja, which left Vincent as the only fully capable player on Reeve's team, as far as Rufus knew. 

However, Rufus had fully trained Turks at his disposal, whom he expected to come out victorious at the end of the game, which was nothing more than a publicity stunt. Shinra would be proven to be friendly enough to play with the WRO and strong enough to win. But Rufus did not expect Reeve to hire Cloud Strife to be on his team, neither did he expect Cloud to drag Tifa Lockhart into this. 

The signal to start sounded off with a bang and the two teams ran to the helicopters previously prepared for them. Representing Shinra were Tseng, Elena, Reno and Rude and representing the WRO were Vincent, Yuffie, Cloud and Tifa. 

The helicopter ride was easy for the Turks, while their opponents were not doing so great. Yuffie's complaints could be heard, while Vincent tried to remain calm and Cloud and Tifa got into an argument about who should pilot the helicopter, though neither actually knew how. Miraculously, the WRO team wasn't killed in the attempt, and managed to make a crash landing to the first location, the forests around Mideel after deciphering the clue "with a fountain of life stream, its doom the house meets."

The WRO Team picked up a Reeve plushie, leaving a Cloud plushie in its place, next to the unclaimed Rufus plushie. The Turks actually landed their helicopter just outside of the forest, far from the town, and went into the forest on foot. 

However, the WRO did not stay in the lead for long, since they had to make an emergency call to Cid and have him pick them up while the Turks went off to the next location after having obtained the first Rufus plushie, leaving a Rude plushie in its place. The trip so far had not been easy, as both teams were worn out by the hot and humid conditions of the forest. 

The second of the four plushies each team had to obtain, in the image of their respective leaders, was located in the Nibelheim Mountains, a place that Tifa knew well, except for the shortcut that only the Turks knew about and not even Soldiers were informed about it in the past. 

Because of this, the teams remained tied, the WRO having made up for the time they spend waiting for Cid by the faster travel of his airship. The plushies of Tifa and Tseng were left there as proof each team had been in the location by the tracking devices inside them, which also prevented cheating, and the second plushies of Rufus and Reeve were recovered. 

The Gold Saucer was the location of the third plushies, a place filled with fan girls and fan boys that nearly tore both teams apart. The Turks went on ahead, since the WRO were missing a team member, Yuffie was just too motion sick to do anything after traveling too much too fast. 

The Turks took the lead, exhausted from the fan battle and the dessert heat. The Gold Saucer's air conditioner just had to break down on that day. But they were not giving up, if anything, the difficulties helped them pretend this was a real Turks mission filled with all kind of dangers. A Reno plushie was left at the Gold Saucer, along with a Vincent plushie, both plushies becoming the cause of a large fan war to obtain them. 

Finally they arrived at the location of the last plushies, Gaea Cliff. After nearly freezing to death and having a few slippery close calls, both teams miraculous left the Elena and Yuffie plushies there and obtained the last Rufus and Reeve plushies. 

Exhausted and sore, both teams landed outside the city as planned, for the final task of racing from the city entrance all the way to Shinra Headquarters while being tracked by the devices on the plushies, but they were too tired to go on and collapsed on the street. 

"I really, really, want to kill Rufus right now," Reno admitted, receiving unanimous agreement from everyone else. "And Reeve, he needs to die too," once again the agreement was unanimous. 

"Let's quit this scavenger hunt and go to the Seventh Heaven instead," Tifa offered. "We can have a nice meal and rest, then both Rufus and Reeve would lose if none of the teams make it." Thus it was done, and the secret rivalry between the WRO and the proud Shinra was not resolved that day. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 23: Treasure 

Lately, Reno had been suffering with some really bad Turk missions, but today he finally hit rock bottom, literally. He was sent on this mission despite the warning of an unusually strong hurricane heading north after hitting Costa Del Sol. Some said the bad weather was due to the planet's long overdue rage, since it had been too injured to fully execute its vengeance right after the Meteor incident ended. 

But Reno didn't care about those theories; he only knew that, though he was a considerable distance from the hurricane, he had caught a few rainstorms on the way. One would have to be insane or a Turk to be out in a helicopter in that weather, and Reno was a Turk, though in the mist of chaos one would question if he was also insane to continue with his mission. 

Maybe it was actually the danger that made Reno persist with the mission. He was sick of cleaning, babysitting, shopping and doing similar trivial tasks. He was a Turk, he dealt with kidnappings, blackmail, espionage, assassination, the cool stuff, and facing danger made him feel like the Turks were turning cool again. 

As Reno's journey progressed north, the rain eventually evolved into snow, until his helicopter gave out and crashed on a cliff near the town of Icicle. It was freezing cold and the snow continued to pour, burying the helicopter in a thick blanket of white. Reno left the unfixable helicopter at the bottom of the cliff and started to climb up. On the way he resorted to shocking himself with lightning materia, absorbing the electric element to stay warm and conscious. 

Finally reaching the top, Reno made the journey to Icicle, but the town was not his final destination, it was only a reference point. He decided not to stop, at last feeling like a real Turk again, facing danger and laughing in its face. 

Reno pressed on until he reached an abandoned cabin. It must have been luxurious when it was still in use, but an avalanche had destroyed a good portion of it and the rest was in bad conditions from lack of maintenance. 

Reno crawled into the cabin, pushing snow out of the way. He heard the wood creak with every step he took, and hoped what was left of the structure didn't come apart. If it did, he would die trapped there, or most likely, the weight of the roof and abundant snow on top of it would crush him before he even had a chance to freeze to death. 

Lifting some loose floor boards, Reno took out a chest containing the treasure that Rufus had sent him to recover. It was as if Rufus had forgotten about it, being busy with other things, suddenly remembered it, and decided he wanted it back. The chest was locked, and Rufus had instructed Reno not to open it. But after all his work, Reno thought that he had the right to see the treasure he worked so hard to find. 

With the lock easily broken, Reno opened the chest and found a plushie, a classic little teddy bear, worn out by the years. The Turk could imagine a young Rufus hiding the bear, because a big boy who will one day inherit Shinra could not be playing with such childish things after a certain age. 

Again Reno stopped feeling like a real Turk. The mission certainly had the danger of a real Turk mission, but the treasure he was hunting was not what he expected. Even so, Reno would find a way to turn this into a real Turk mission; a mission that involved kidnapping a certain plushie, holding it hostage and using it for blackmail. It was about time for some payback. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 24: Highwind 

"This isn't so bad..." It came as a surprise when Reno spoke such words. 

Rude shook his head; alas, Reno had finally lost the last of his sanity. 

"As glad as I am that you're not planning to spend the rest of the day complaining, I'll have to disagree." Tseng had his hair in a ponytail, his shirt stained with oil, sleeves rolled up, jacket and tie missing, in a similar way to his companions. 

"I rather fix an airship than baby-sit, shop or be a delivery boy." Besides, Reno liked piloting flying machines and he had been getting along with Cid better than expected so far. They both liked flying and goggles, and that was more than Cid had in common with any of the other Turks. 

Tseng twisted the wrench, putting all his strength into it, but the stubborn nut wouldn't spin off the bolt. He kept trying until the bolt broke, and the wrench slipped out of his grasp by the sudden lack of resistance against the force he was applying to it. The metal tool flew over Reno and Rude's heads and jammed itself deeper inside the large engine. 

With a deadly glare that silenced any possible comments from Reno before he could even make them, Tseng attempted to retrieve the wrench that had gotten stuck at an impossible angle. Logic would dictate that if it went in, it would have to come out the same way, but logic was not on their side. 

Tseng pulled at the wrench until it finally came out, oil from an unknown source sprinkling at his face in a surprise attack. As if that wasn't enough, the large engine started with a roar, shocking the three men who instinctively jumped off and away from the increasing heat. 

Elena peeked out by the window from her position in the cockpit. She bit her lip with a troubled expression and muttering an inaudible, "I think it short circuited," she went off to undo the wires she just put together. 

"That was kind of cool, with the electricity and all." Reno looked somewhat amused, which caused Tseng and Rude to exchange concerned looks. Maybe the redhead really had lost the remainder of his scarce sanity. 

Cid arrived after having spent some time enjoying his tea while the Turks worked. It was nice having Shinra working for him instead of the other way around. "How are the repairs going? You better not hurt my ship." 

"The repairs are fine." Tseng assured Cid, with such a straight face, confident voice and even breaths; that not even a lie detector would sense he was not telling the truth. 

"That's good to hear, keep working at it. I'm going to do some work on Tiny Bronco II, who's going to be the test pilot?" Cid didn't actually expect a volunteer. 

Reno managed to entertain himself fixing the airship but flying was still more fun than repairing. "I'll do it!" 

As Reno and Cid left to work on Tiny Bronco II, Tseng and Rude quietly nodded to each other, grimly concluding that Reno had lost his mind, and they sadly wondered when their time would come. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 25: Carnival 

"And that's all you have to do!" Yuffie finished explaining with a mischievous snicker. The ninja was very amused, but the Turk was not. 

"I have a better idea," Reno replied, "why don't we just get Shinra to build a gigantic plate right over Wutai!" 

"What does that have to do with the carnival?" Yuffie inquired. 

"Nothing, but then I can drop the plate on Wutai and there would be no carnival!" Reno yelled; then he turned around and walked away as if the conversation never happened. 

Yuffie scoffed, "it's not that hard!" She followed Reno and went over the procedures again. "Like I said, all you need to do is sit in the carnival booth; you don't need to do anything else!" 

"I knew it sounded suspicious when I read the mission request." It wasn't just any carnival booth, it was the kind where people threw balls, or in this case materia since Yuffie was managing it, at a target to make the unfortunate person sitting in the booth fall into the ice cold water below. 

"Only suspicious? I thought you knew all along what it was about." If the job was described as simply sitting in a booth without doing anything else, then one could only conclude the job was not about managing the booth, but about being a target. 

"I thought I was supposed to sit around and attract customers or something," which Reno was certain he could easily accomplish with his mere presence. "Why can't Rufus do it? I'm sure more people want to throw him in the water, since he's the president and all." 

As part of Shinra's good will towards Wutai, which was obviously more image washing propaganda, even Rufus himself would help at the carnival. "Rufus is working with the body art finger paint booth," which was a place were desperate fan girls went to feel Rufus' hands on them with the excuse of getting painted decorations. "He's the only one who can do it because Tseng and Elena are a couple and they might make each other jealous if they spend too much time finger painting fan girls and fan boys. Then there's Rude, he's up there in the watch tower keeping everything in order. No one else would look as striking as Rude and everyone knows that, so I had to give that job to him to make sure the carnival runs smoothly." 

"Why can't I just help Rufus or something?" Reno asked. 

"Well that's because..." Yuffie shuddered as she remembered being nearly killed by a laser that came out of nowhere, and there was still a hole on the ground in front of her house to prove it. 

Her PHS had mysteriously rang following the laser shot with a call from an unknown number. "I can borrow Shinra's satellite whenever I want and if you make my Reno do the finger paint job, I will kill you. Don't tell him I called you, he's not supposed to know I'm stalking him and if he finds out, I will kill you." The call ended before Yuffie could say anything. 

How was Yuffie supposed to fight an enemy she couldn't even find? While Reno had some mysterious tech savvy fan girl watching over him, it was best not to provoke her. Besides, Yuffie's ninja instincts told her that, unknown to Reno, the fan girl could be watching his every move in the carnival with the Shinra satellite she hijacked, and like everything Shinra, the satellite was heavily armed. The lasers could reach the carnival grounds, but people on the ground could not reach the satellite, so it was not at all a fair fight. 

Yuffie shook her head and pushed the memories aside. "Never mind, Rufus doesn't need any help. What this carnival needs is a target." 

As if on cue, Reeve innocently walked by, minding his own business. Reno and Yuffie nodded to each other, tackled Reeve and tied him up. Thus the water booth finally got its target, not as good as a Turk, but better than nothing. As for Reno, he was free to enjoy the carnival, play in the booths and stuff his face with junk food... and he never found out he was being watched. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 26: Identity 

Once a Turk, always a Turk. It wouldn't be the first time the phrase was spoken, thought or implied. But this time Vincent nearly got fired over it. The cause of his almost jobless state was not being a Turk in the past, as Reeve himself had been a Shinra executive, but rather the second part about always being a Turk. 

Vincent had not done any actual Turk work for many years, but apparently he had been all over the place causing mischief. It was as if someone had made it their personal mission to take revenge on the world for the hardships that the world had brought, such as the recent very annoying missions. 

It slipped that what was done, was done by a Turk, and the archive containing the records that identified him, slipped out as well. Shinra denied it all, claiming that the man in the reports no longer worked for them. But none the less, the press accused them because, Shinra or not, the man was a Turk. Once a Turk, always a Turk. 

Somewhere in the main Shinra building, Reno would laugh like a maniac as he watched the entire thing. He had caused all the trouble and for the sake of keeping his job, because annoying missions and all it was still a good pay, he had credited it to someone else. Someone who had committed the terrible mistake of revealing his old ID number: Vincent Valentine. 

Vincent knew right away it had to be Reno's fault, because when things went wrong it was always Reno's fault. Not pleased with the identity thief; Vincent went off to give him a visit. Reeve tried to stop him, concerned that it would prove Rufus' story in the eyes of the media; that this was all the WRO's plot against the innocent reformed Shinra, but Vincent did not stop. 

So began the chase of the hunter and the hunted, which left Shinra's new headquarters full of damaged equipment and several random injured idiots who didn't run away on time, but they were not famous so nobody cared. 

It also left the WRO in a difficult position, with Reeve pulling out his hair in frustration while he ranted to a Cait Sith plushie. He couldn't very well fire Vincent, his most competent employee, but to keep him around would be problematic, to say the least. 

Meanwhile, the hunt continued. Reno carefully peeked out from behind a desk. "Don't you ever run out of bullets?" Bang! Apparently, he didn't. 

"I had enough of your mischief." Another trio of bullets flew dangerously close to the target. 

"I was just trying to cheer you up old man, to remind you of the good times!" Reno of the Turks, he was either suicidal or stupid, some would say, or maybe incredibly cocky. 

"Old man?" Vincent felt his eye twitch. 

"Old man, vampire, armored freak, monster, reject experiment!" Reno stuck his tongue out. He couldn't get close enough to Vincent to fight back, so he had to resort to verbal attacks. 

Vincent put Cerberus away and just stood there. "Is that what I am?" 

Reno noticed that Vincent had seemingly lowered his guard and cautiously approached. "Don't tell me I hurt your feelings just now. I thought the undead didn't have feelings," he joked. 

Vincent grabbed Reno by the ear; fortunately it was with his hand not the golden glove. "Someone needs to teach you to respect your elders." 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 27: Mother 

The woman was just old enough to be Reno's mother, but not too old, to the point where one would be surprised she had her first child at such a young age. She tugged a long strand of red hair behind her ear and smiled victoriously. 

"You've got to be kidding me..." Reno wasn't expecting that. It had been one surprise after another. First he received a mysterious mission request, with the description left blank and only an address, then he found his own mother in the address listed. "Mom? You called me for a Turk mission?' 

"Of course not, sweetie, I called you to give you milk and cookies and spoil you, because you haven't visited in ages. Come in, come in!" Anyone would have assumed this was all about a mother wanting to spend more time with her son, but Reno recognized the mischievous glint in his mother's eyes. He should know, besides the hair it was something else he inherited from her. 

"Mom, what's the real reason you called me over here?" Reno picked up a chocolate chip cookie and ate it, the entire situation was suspicious but he might as well help himself to the treats. 

"To have one of those mother and son moments remembering old times. Look, I even set aside a bunch of pictures for us to look at!" She picked up the album and opened it, "do you remember this?" It was the image of two little boys buried in a mountain of cookie boxes. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

"Mom I want cookies," a little boy with bright red hair reminded his mother, and random passer bys stared wide eyed because at first glance they would assume the child was the woman's little brother. 

"Go get them, honey," she patted her son's head and expected to watch him run off a few isles down in the super market as soon as she spoke those words, but he stopped only a few steps ahead. 

"You're in the same classroom I'm in!" Reno pointed at another boy who had also been dragged off to the super market with his mother. 

The quiet boy nodded, with the same serious expression he always had. But his mother squealed loudly in sheer happiness. Her little Rude was very shy, much like his father, and thus didn't have many friends. "You're Rude's friend? How cute!" 

Reno's mom couldn't help it but to be amused at the outburst and didn't even bother to remind Reno that there was no need to yell and point if he wanted to say hello to a classmate. 

"Mom said I could get cookies," and cookies were high on a child's priority list. 

"Oh right cookies, go with him Rude, and get some cookies too." Rude's mother encouraged him. 

But of course, children don't want the cookies on the lower shelf; they want the very same cookies on the top shelf. It was as if Reno's mother knew it would happen, but her mischievous side prevented her from stopping it. Soon after, there she was, camera in hand, ready to capture the moment. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

"About that girl..." 

Reno nearly chocked on the milk. He knew it, his mother was just trying to distract him and lower his guard with pictures to get information out of him. "So there was another reason to call me here." 

"Sweetie I know you're a big boy and all, but you have to tell your mom when you start dating so she won't try to send any girls to you. Out of the five I sent over the last few months, one was found injured, two were found terrified and hysterical, and the other two were not found at all. It's okay, I'm very happy your girlfriend is such a strong woman who's been taking good care of you. But I do wish you would invite her over sometime." 

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Reno was actually telling the truth, no denial, just the truth. He had not seen any of the girls his mother sent, and he had not witnessed what caused their grim fate. 

Yet all of that only made his mom squeal with joy, "Reno has a stalker!" It could be a stalker, or it could be fan girls protecting their prey, who knows. The point was that girls thought her baby was hot, and for that she was proud. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 28: Revenge 

It had been several weeks since Reno went on a mission to recover a box of unknown contents. Though he was instructed not to open it, after facing countless dangers to obtain it, Reno thought he had earned the right to do so. Inside the box he found Rufus' old teddy bear, which in revenge for the ridiculous missions, Reno decided to take hostage; a fact that remained unknown to Rufus when he called Reno to hear his report. 

"You were supposed to finish your special mission a long time ago and you haven't turned in your report yet!" Rufus' scolding held a hint of worry as he stabbed his pen into a random document he was supposed to be signing. "You didn't open it, did you? May I remind you that I specifically ordered that you did not open the box and I am the one who signs your paychecks." 

"I know," Reno tried to play innocent, "that's why I continued the mission after I found the box was already open. I've been investigating but didn't want you to worry about your precious item." 

Rufus paled, "do you know what the precious item is?" 

"Yes, a cute and fluffy little teddy bear." Reno grinned from ear to ear, watching Rufus' mortified expression. "But I know you must have your reasons to treasure it so I won't go into that. I will continue my investigation even when taking new missions until I find the thief, I mean the kidnapper." Reno left Rufus' office before the president even had time to react. 

Reno headed off to his new mission, because he was good at playing videogames, Marle and Denzel decided to hire him. The opportunity was perfect for Reno to sneak the bear into their toys and leave it there. 

After Reno's mission was over, the children were cleaning up their toys when they found the bear. Denzel held the old teddy bear. It was worn, dirty and about to fall apart, the bear certainly wasn't his. "Is this yours?" Usually Marlene had better taste in toys so Denzel had to ask. 

"No, I've never seen that bear before. I wonder where it came from." Marlene took the bear with the same disapproving look from Denzel. "I'll ask Tifa about it," and Marlene went downstairs to find Tifa. 

Tifa looked at the bear; she held it carefully as if fearing it would fall apart. It had lost some of its filling on one side due to a hole in the fuzzy fabric. "I've never seen it before, maybe it's Cloud's bear..." Truth be told, Tifa wouldn't put it past him, and maybe he was a bit embarrassed so he hid the bear among the kids' toys. Then again, Tifa couldn't really blame him, having plushies was fine, but having such a messy and smelly bear was indeed shameful. "I'll clean it up." 

When Cloud returned from his deliveries and went up to his room, he found a teddy bear sitting on his bed. The bear had been recently washed and it smelled of soft perfume. It had been filled up to be pillowy and fluffy with a few patches here and there, but the mending work was so good the patches looked more like decorations than patches. Cloud was curiously holding the bear when he heard Tifa's footsteps coming, and she soon appeared at the door. "Did you...?" 

Tifa nodded, "yes." 

Cloud misinterpreted the situation and thought the bear was a gift from Tifa. Maybe it was her old teddy bear, which she treasured, something precious to her. He smiled, "thank you." 

Reno eventually returned to the president's office and told Rufus that he had found the kidnapper and gave visual confirmation in the form of a picture of Cloud Strife playing a videogame with a teddy bear on his lap. The picture was taken when Reno decided to go back to play some games even if it wasn't for a mission that time. 

Of course Rufus was angry, but he couldn't very well say that Cloud kidnapped his bear, that would be embarrassing. "You misinterpreted," Rufus lied. "I really thought you were kidding about the bear, so I didn't say anything, I have no idea why you thought the stolen item was a bear. It wasn't a bear," Rufus denied it, "It was... materia, but never mind; it would be too hard to track it down, the mission is over." 

Materia before the time of the mako generators? Right, Rufus was desperate for an excuse but Reno didn't question him. "I'll try harder next time." Satisfied with his revenge, Reno left the office. 

Rufus looked out the glass window at the city. He held the picture Reno had brought as proof. Strife looked like he was taking good care of the bear and it had been washed and repaired. "Maybe it's for the best," the young president mused and silently entrusted his little childhood friend to Cloud. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 29: Girl Scout 

Elena felt like the girl scout she had never been, because she had always aimed for the Turks, and they were hardly well behaved little scouts. "Mister Bugenhagen," she attempted to reason with the old man to no avail. "I was hired by your grandson to help you around the city, so please be more cooperative and allow me to help you cross the street." She felt her eye twitch as the words left her mouth, with the sour realization that the Turks kept falling further from what they used to be. 

"I don't need any help from you youngsters!" And to prove his point, Bugenhagen floated, gliding several inches above the ground. "I bet you can't do this, young lady. I'm giving Nanaki an earful as soon as I get home, sending someone to tend to me as if I was an old man!" 

"Nanaki hired me because he was worried about you!" Elena tried to reason, but Bugenhagen paid her no mind. 

He was in a stubborn mood, refusing to accept his age. "I'm telling you I'm fine!" In his haste, Bugenhagen crossed the street at the wrong time and nearly got run over by a passing car. 

"Mr. Bugenhagen!" Elena froze the car, saving the old man from certain death. 

"Hey!" The driver yelled. "What do you think you're doing?!" 

"Shut up!" Elena froze the driver as well. "Mr. Bugenhagen, wait!" Calling was useless, for Bugenhagen would not listen. 

However, Elena finally caught up to the floating old man when he stopped at a park. "Mr. Bugenhagen, why don't you sit down and rest?" 

"I'm not tired," Bugenhagen stubbornly refused. 

"Running, or floating, around so much isn't good for your health, you should sit down and enjoy the afternoon," Elena insisted as she spotted a vendor near by, "look, they're selling bird feed over there. Why don't you just sit on this bench while I go buy some and then you can feed the pigeons all afternoon!" 

Bugenhagen frowned at the suggestion. It seemed that Elena annoyed him just as much as he annoyed her. "No! No! And absolutely not! When will you understand that I'm not an old man!" 

"Don't lose your temper grandpa, that vein on your forehead looks like it's about to pop!" Some random kid yelled and ran off with his friends. Elena laughed; she had to admit the child was right. 

"You little brat! I'm not old!" Bugenhagen stomped his feet in frustration. "Nanaki, you're so grounded!" 

"I'm too old to be grounded, grandpa." Next to the girl scout that had been pestering him all day, stood his grandson, whom Bugenhagen did not hear coming. 

Bugenhagen pouted and floated away muttering something about kids these days having no respect for their elders. 

Elena sighed, "what's next? Selling cookies?" 

"Yes," Nanaki replied. 

Elena gave him an incredulous look, "you have to be kidding!" 

"Actually, I came to tell you that I requested another mission for you after this one." Nanaki explained. "The Cosmo Canyon archeologists need some funds so we will be selling cookies and you've been hired to help." 

Elena really did feel like the girl scout she never was, and never wished to be. This was the last time she agreed to trade missions with Reno. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 30: Strike 

After all the ridiculous and annoying missions the Turks had to endure, they decided to go on strike. None of the Turks showed up for work and when Rufus called they demanded better missions and other things. The president was trying to reason with Tseng on the phone but it wasn't going well. "So basically, you're saying that you rather risk your life in a war of bullets and materia than do simple community service?" 

"Yes!" Came the unanimous chorus from the phone, Tseng probably had the speaker on. 

"You'll regret going on strike, you're all a bunch of ungrateful cowards!" Rufus Shinra was frustrated. "I'll just have to find some replacements and-" there was a knock on the door which caused the pretty president to let out an unmanly shriek. "Who's there?!" 

"Number zero, five, four, eight, three, seven, with your coffee, sir," a female voice replied. 

Rufus breathed deeply, he noticed that the call had disconnected and put the phone down on the receiver. He grumbled about the nerve of those ingrates for going on strike and hanging up on him, then strode to the door and opened it. 

"You sure are gullible, that wasn't even a real employee number, I made it up!" Yuffie laughed victoriously. 

"What are you doing here?" Rufus inquired with growing alarm. 

"Reeve is cheap; he hardly pays me enough, so I'm doing some work on the side as a paid ninja mercenary." Yuffie grinned mischievously. "In other words, I'm here to kill you." 

Rufus backed away, "there's no way you can win!" He prepared for the attack, but realized that he was so used to having the Turks protect him that he wasn't carrying any weapons or materia, and Yuffie's arrival was too coincidental. "Did the Turks send you?" 

"Does it matter? You'll be a dead man soon anyway. Besides, do you know how many people are out to get you? The Turks' strike isn't completely public yet, but once that's out in the open everyone will know you're a sitting duck!" Yuffie had a point, without the Turks, killers and fan girls alike would go after Rufus. 

Rufus continued to back away and frantically reached for the phone. Yuffie threw her shuriken, the blades cutting the phone cord then the shuriken returned to her like a boomerang which she easily caught. Rufus searched for his cell phone and dialed, but Yuffie seemed unfazed. "Tseng? I need all the Turks to come over here right now, Reno? Put Tseng on the phone! What do mean unavailable? Fine, then get Elena! She's gone too? On a date with Tseng? Then tell Rude to get over his dislike for the phone and answer it! You're hanging up because I don't want to talk to you? It's not that, it's just that I need to talk to someone competent right now... wait, Reno, no!" 

"Nobody's coming to save you!" Yuffie mocked. 

Rufus called again, though this time it took a little longer for someone to answer. "Reno? Who? Cloud? Tseng said he didn't need this phone anymore? But it's his company phone! The Turks hired you to be the negotiator? Fine I'm listening..." 

The Turks had a long list of demands, such as better missions, more money, frequent paid vacations, a bigger Christmas bonus, better health insurance, private company cars, and every other thing they could think of. 

"Fine, but they still have to do the community service missions! Oh, alright, I'll pay double for those. Fine, fine triple, just tell them to come back before there's no one left in the world of the living to sign their paychecks!" Rufus pleaded, "what? Two more demands? I have to pay the bills for the negotiator and mercenary?" So the Turks did send Yuffie... But alas when faced with certain doom, Rufus had no choice but to comply. 

There were too many people out there who wanted Mr. Rich and Pretty out of the picture, and the Turks were the only ones that could, and would be willing to, protect him, even if it came at a high price. 

To be Continued

Mission 24 was requested by Death Korps. Mission 25 was requested by Sharem. The idea for Mission 26 came from a review by S.N. Naina. Missions 21, 22 and 23 were requested by Sasami10. The idea of using plushies for the scavenger hunt on Mission 22 came from an old animated Chipmunk movie. The idea for Mission 28 is from evenstarfictionfan and les yeux sans visage. Mission 30's idea is from Niquie.


	4. Chapter 4

Missions: Report IV 

Mission 31: Jump 

Being a Turk, Rude got plenty of exercise; it was required for his job. After all, a Turk had to be ready at all times, because no one knew when spoiled princess Ruru would wake up in the middle of the night with a craving for Farbucks coffee, with all sorts of cream and a silly assortment of sprinkles. Obviously it couldn't be home made coffee, goodness no, it had to be bought from princess Ruru's favorite establishment, which was so conveniently open twenty-four seven, thus nullifying any possible excuses. 

When the pretty boy princess had more than one Turk over to guard his door at night, and rush in to rescue him should the under the bed monster decide to come out, they would play a game of rock paper scissors to decide who would go out to get pretty boy's midnight snack. 

Try as they may to avoid the midnight, or early morning, runs, Rufus would only accept freshly bought goods, nothing re-heated or re-frozen. Because re-heated coffee didn't taste the same according to him, and soft-serve ice-cream tasted best when eaten right away, becoming more like shaved ice made with flavored water if left in the freezer for too long. 

Then the unfortunate Turk who lost the game would have to make a run to and from the establishment, be it Farbucks or Basket Robin, all the way to Healin Lodge, which was most of the time done in a helicopter and sometimes a car, and be back before the delivery cooled off or melted; running up the stairs to tend to Rufus' needs. 

Because of all that exercise, even if Rude wasn't as much as a cat as Reno, he was very agile and had a vast supply of stamina. One could also point out, especially of that one happened to be a fangirl, that Rude also had great abs, but that would be getting into another topic. 

The point was that today, even if Reno had once again unwittingly lost the game of rock paper scissors, the redhead took to showing his cat-like attributes in a different way, by giving his partner the saddest kitten look he could muster, thus making Rude feel like heartless if he exercised his right to stay in Healin Lodge while Reno went out to fetch Rufus' snack. 

That was how Rude's predicament started, and now he found himself in front of the Seventh Heaven, which was already closed. Rufus had once tasted Tifa's cooking in a propaganda filled visit to the Seventh Heaven, during which the Turks were ordered to discreetly taste the food for poison first, which fortunately went well. The problem was that Rufus, also known as Mr. Spoiled Brat Pretty Boy, had developed a liking for Tifa's cooking, and now he wanted some fried chocobo from Tifa. 

One would reason that Rude could simply go to one of those twenty-four hour fast food establishments and buy some fried chocobo, but Rufus, who was without a doubt the pickiest eater in the world, would immediately notice, and Rude's paycheck would suffer. 

Thus Rude found himself jumping, he jumped until he reached a pipe sticking out of the wall of the Seventh Heaven and careful not to slip, climbed up to the second floor ledge. Of course, Rude had considered calling Tifa, but she would either murder him for waking her up in the middle of the night asking for fried chocobo, or decide to go back to sleep while she sent Cloud to murder him, hence why Rude was sneaking around trying to cause Tifa to wake up indirectly to avoid the blame. 

If his plan worked, then Rude would call and say he saw the lights on and wondered if everything was alright. He would say it was his latest mission to patrol the city at night, and maybe the kind hearted Tifa would take pity on him and offer him a snack. He would find some way to bring fried chocobo into the conversation, ask her to make it 'to go' and leave, so as to not keep Tifa awake for longer than needed. At least that was the plan, and Rude was thankful that Reno wasn't present to make a comment about how it was all about sneaking into Tifa's house more so than getting the fried chocobo. 

Confirming the location of Tifa's room, Rude climbed up to the roof and jumped up and down on the surface. The noise succeeded in both waking Tifa, and getting Rude's foot trapped in the hole he just made in the roof. A scream soon came, confirming just how awake Tifa was. Rude pulled his foot free, losing his shoe in the process, and ran for dear life. 

Rude jumped from roof to roof until he got away, then dashed to his car, which he parked a safe distance away. Thankfully, Rude carried an extra suit and shoes, since Turks jobs sometimes got messy, or they used to in the past. He put on a new pair of shoes and casually drove by. 

Rude didn't even have to call, for Tifa opened the door with a fierce look and her fighting gloves on, but she calmed down as soon as she recognized the driver. "Rude, thank goodness it's you, I thought there was some stranger driving around and I was ready to give him a beating if he turned out to be the guy who tried to break in." 

"Someone tried to break in?" Rude tried to ignore the guilty feeling that pained him. Turks were not supposed to feel guilt. 

"Yes, a little while ago someone was walking on the roof. I'm pretty sure it was a man judging by the shoe he lost when his foot went through a thin spot on the roof right over my bedroom. I screamed and the kids woke up, but I sent them back to bed, saying I just had a nightmare; I didn't want to scare them. The guy must have run away when he realized I woke up. Cloud sleeps like a rock, so I just let him rest. I'm not going back to sleep until I install a good security system," Tifa explained. 

It broke Rude's heart to see Tifa that way because of something he caused, all for the sake of Rufus. "I can stay if it'll make you feel safer." 

"Oh no, I couldn't ask that. I'm sure you must be tired after a long day's work. I know how the Turks' missions have been lately," Tifa replied. 

"It's alright, I'm not sleepy anyway, I can keep you company and tomorrow I'll have someone from Shinra come over and install a security system for you, free of charge," Rude offered. 

"Really? You would do that? Thank you so much! If you're sure you want to stay over, how about a midnight snack?" Tifa discreetly glanced at Rude's feet as they went inside, he had both his shoes, how silly of her to suspect. The similar shoe sizes were a mere coincidence. Who knows how many men in the area wear the same shoe size; and Rude was so kind... 

Meanwhile, in the second floor of the Seventh Heaven, Cloud Strife tossed and turned in his sleep, as if he were having a nightmare. But back at Healin Lodge, Reno was having the real nightmare putting up with an impatient Rufus who wouldn't get his fried chocobo until the next morning. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 32: Stalker 

Lately Reno had been followed by a mysterious stalker and he made it his mission to find out who she was. He suspected that the same mysterious stalker was leaving those messages in his PHS, calling him Ren-cake. The number was impossible to trace, and thus impossible to reply to, and the stalker's true identity remained a mystery. 

Tired of waiting for the mysterious girl to show herself, Reno declared at the top of his lungs, from the roof of Shinra headquarters, that he wished to take his stalker on a date at the Gold Saucer. However, when he went to meet her at the entrance to the Gold Saucer, the place was closed for repairs. 

They claimed that there had been an asteroid shower, but those who knew about materia, knew that wasn't the case. Someone had a fully developed Comet materia and knew how to use it. The area had been cleared and the girls that gathered retreated. 

Some said the culprit was hiding among the crowds, some even said she might have allowed her own attack to hit her to keep up appearances. Either way, one thing was for sure, she was sneaky. 

Regardless of the set backs, Reno would not give up. His fellow Turks had already declared he was insane to want to meet the stalker, but the redhead had reached a new level of insanity with his latest plan. 

"This is bad," Rude stated the obvious because it looked like Reno had somehow missed it. 

"It's okay, just tie me up and don't forget the blindfold." Reno was currently on the roof of the Shinra building, tied up and blindfolded, no fan girl could resist the opportunity. The Shinra satellite should give out his location when the fan girl borrowed it again, and just in case, Reno had talked Tseng, Rude and Elena into guarding all the access routes to the roof. 

Rude left Reno there and went to his position. The stalker should be able to track him down, get inside Shinra and past the other Turks. It couldn't be just a regular fan girl; it had to be the skilled stalker. 

Time passed and nothing happened, and time continued to pass. "This isn't going to work, she only appears when I'm near other girls..." but it couldn't just be any girl, it had to be a girl with an interest on him, otherwise the stalker didn't really mind. "Rude, untie me, this isn't working! Rude!" That time, Reno had to untie himself the hard way. He knew the Turks were still at their posts because no fan girls got to him, but they let him untie himself on his own. At least he practiced rope escape in case he ever needed it. 

Even after that experience, Reno still refused to give up. But if he set himself up to be captured random fan girls could interfere, and if he made sure they didn't interfere by making it too much of a challenge to get to him, then the stalker wouldn't get possessive and she wouldn't come. If he tried to find a random girl to flirt with, the stalker would attack from a distance and he wouldn't be able to catch her. It didn't look like she was planning to try to go out with him, she simply kept other girls away; and that was the most annoying part. 

Exhausted, Reno went home and tried to get some sleep, until his PHS rang. "Ren-cake, don't endanger yourself. I'm always watching, always keeping you safe, but don't do anything stupid." 

It was the stalker, after all that she had the nerve to call. At least this time she was actually talking instead of only leaving a message, even if the number was still untraceable. "Who are you? How did you hack Shinra's satellite?" 

"I didn't have to hack Shinra's satellite, I work for Shinra, I just borrowed the satellite for a while. Don't try to find me in the employee records because I took care of that. But if you really want to know who I am I'll tell you, do you want to know?" 

"Of course I want to know!" 

"I'm all of them, each and every fan girl. I'm a body of thoughts, a being created from their love and their possessive instinct. Because I'm all of them I can't give you to one girl alone, I have to make sure they keep their distance so that you may live for all of them. That's the reason I was made." 

"A body of thoughts... You're like the remnants except you're made from fan girl thoughts..." Needless to say Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz were nothing in comparison to a creature made from fan girl thoughts. "Is all of this true?" 

"Maybe..." The call was ended. 

Reno stared at his PHS in disbelief. "What does she mean maybe?" All in all, he went in one big circle and didn't truly accomplish anything... And he would forever wonder if she was telling the truth or not. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 33: Stapler 

The continuous clicking sound was really starting to get on Tseng's nerves, and it only got worse when he looked at the four mountains of papers on his desk. In rhythmic motion, Tseng picked up one of each paper, lined them up and stapled them together. The four papers were placed on a fifth mountain, and the action was repeated. 

First paper, second paper, third paper, forth paper, align them, stapler, clicking sound, place them in a pile. It was driving Tseng insane, and the fact that Reno was sitting across the room staring at the process with a zombified expression didn't help. 

"Reno," the redhead completely ignored the leader's voice. "Reno!" There was no reply. "Reno!" Tseng slammed the stapler on the desk, accidentally stapling the smooth wood. 

"Huh? What? Where?" Reno looked around as if he just woke up, but it made no sense because his eyes were already open before. It was as if he was so bored, he was hypnotized by the stapler. 

"Help me staple these papers." Tseng's words made Reno wake from his trance completely and spring to his feet. 

"I think I hear Rufus calling!" Reno dashed out of the Turks' office at an inhuman speed. 

Tseng continued his robotic motions, stapling was his mission after all, not Reno's. Elena returned from her latest mission, it wasn't so bad; she just had to waitress at a restaurant. She sat at her desk to write her report, but instead watched Tseng. 

"Do you want to help me staple?" Tseng asked. 

"I have to write a report," Elena didn't take her eyes off Tseng. 

"Then why aren't you writing it?" Tseng asked, with the same automatic motions, first paper, second paper, third paper, forth paper, staple. 

"I am..." Elena continued to stare. Tseng's movements were so precise; she couldn't help it but to watch. 

First paper, second paper, third paper, forth paper, staple, Tseng continued his work. First paper, second paper, third paper, forth paper, staple, the same thing over and over. First paper, second paper, third paper, forth paper, first paper, staple, wait, that's not right. First paper, second paper, forth paper, staple, no, no! Tseng put the stapler down. He had lost the rhythm of work and found himself unable to recover it. 

Elena finally started writing her report and finished it fairly quickly, while Tseng had slowed down but managed to regain some of his working momentum. "I'm done!" Elena announced. 

Tseng's concentration shattered and he stapled his finger, but he took it like a Turk and didn't say anything. 

"I can help you now!" Elena pulled her chair to sit across from Tseng, but before she started stapling, she noticed Tseng's stapled finger. "Oh my God! You're hurt! Let me help you with that!" She rushed to get the first aid kit, then carefully removed the staple from Tseng's finger and wrapped a band-aid around it. "There you go, all better." Elena put the first aid kit away and sat down again, while Tseng stared at his bandaged finger. 

As a Turk, Tseng had spent a good portion of his life dodging bullets and there he was, getting injured by a stapler, how did he fall that low? Further more, Elena's stapling speed was far grater than his, even before he lost his concentration. He wasn't sure why he cared, but it somehow felt like insult upon injury. Tseng didn't think it could get worse... until Rude arrived with another mountain of papers that needed to be sorted and stapled. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 34: Zolom 

"It's dangerous, they say, it eats travelers, they say, and chocobo and even children. It has to be dealt with; it's bad so it must be Shinra's fault. It's bad so Shinra must have somehow made it and Shinra has to fix it. And when you want trouble to come, it doesn't!" 

The blue chocobo tilted his head to the side and looked at Reno as if he were insane. "Wark!" 

"My thoughts exactly, buddy." Reno had been sent off to the swamp near the chocobo farm to deal with the giant snake that resided in it. Any problem that troubled the world would be declared Shinra's fault and it would be the Turks' mess to clean up. 

"Wark!" The chocobo stood around idly, trained to wait for its master, even if said master was just standing around. Arquan, the blue chocobo, tilted his head back and looked away and if trying to say 'I'm better than you.' 

Reno pouted, the Zolom wasn't coming out and the chocobo that was supposed to help him in this very annoying mission had a superiority complex. He stood at the swamp, where the ground was humid slippery and muddy, made noise, threw rocks and waited, but the deadly serpent that allegedly lived in the swamp refused to come out to greet him. 

Stupid overgrown worm, when people wanted to get past it, it came out to eat them. But when the brave knight stood ready to slay it and rescue Princess Paycheck, the beast refused to show itself. 

Arquan walked around the area near Reno, bored out of his mind. "Wark!" He was practically begging for the Zolom to try to sneak up on him, but it didn't. "Wark!" 

After a while of fruitless, and snake-less, waiting, a yellow female wild chocobo approached the domesticated blue one. "Wark!" 

"Go away!" Reno threw some greens as far away as possible into the swamp. 

The hungry wild chocobo rushed after the greens; she sat down, not caring about the mud sticking to her feathers and ate. 

"Wark!" Arquan looked displeased, but then looked away with the same superior attitude he gave Reno. If that other chocobo preferred food over him, then she wasn't good enough anyway. 

"You're not here to flirt or give me an attitude; you're supposed to be helping me!" Reno was muddy, dirty, filthy and very uncomfortable. He was certain that he would need to spend a lot of time in the shower to get the mud off, and obviously his uniform was a lost cause that would be thrown away. 

"Wark!" The yellow chocobo female called as if asking for more greens, but she didn't even get up. "Wark!" 

"Fine, just shut up!" Reno threw more greens at her and she continued eating them. 

"Wark!" Arquan complained because he wasn't being fed, and he was used to being fed top quality greens all the time. 

"I get it," Reno was about to toss more greens on the ground but the blue chocobo protested. 

"Wark! Wark! Wark!" Arquan sounded offended. 

"Oh right, you're too good to eat off the ground." Reno held out the greens, his glare reflecting the same sarcasm and frustration as his voice. 

"Wark!" Arquan regally ate the greens off Reno's hand in small bites, giving Reno a few glances of superiority as if the red haired human was his slave. At least Arquan was too civilized and egotistical to sink low enough to bite his 'slave', that would be primitive and uncivilized. 

Time passed and the Zolom still wouldn't come out. Just when Reno thought he hit rock bottom, a stray black chocobo female landed near by. Arquan elegantly walked around, wondering if the dark feathered lady would have better taste than the blond feathered one who only cared about greens. 

The stray black chocobo gently nudged Reno. "Wark!" 

Reno petted the black chocobo, "I guess you want greens too. Sorry girl, I don't have any more food. Yellow girl and Mr. Superiority Complex ate it all." 

"Wark!" The flying chocobo didn't leave but continued cuddling Reno. 

"You don't want greens, just attention?" The chocobos were too calm, as if they knew Zolom wasn't coming and Reno found that to be very suspicious. 

Eventually at the end of the day, Reno returned home, leaving a trail of mud in his path. He threw his uniform on the floor and took a very long shower to get the mud and dirt off. Several hours later, he emerged fully clean and starved. 

While Reno looked around the refrigerator, his PHS rang, Tseng's name displayed on the screen. "If you're calling about the Zolom report then I don't have it." 

"You don't need to make a report for that, since the mission was cancelled. I tried to call you, but you didn't answer so I assumed you knew the mission had been cancelled and turned off your PHS." 

The entire day replayed in Reno's mind in fast forward. Everything from Arquan being a loud mouth brat demanding attention, just like Rufus, to the wild black chocobo female who didn't know the difference between a chocobo and a human. 

"The signal must have been bad in the swamp. I was trying to tell you that the WRO's nature loving activists moved the Zolom to Wutai's new aquarium to stop Shinra from killing it. At least it won't bother the travelers anymore." Tseng explained. 

"Then I spent the day in the swamp putting up with Arquan's Rufus-attitude for nothing?" Reno heard some tapping on his apartment window and saw the flying chocobo female he met in the swamp. "Did you say Wutai aquarium?" 

The next day people would speak of the surprise attack; the rain of bombs dropped by a flying chocobo that annihilated everything in the Wutai aquarium. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 35: Rookie 

The boy was still a teenager, having finished high school less than a month ago and already well into his Turk training. Some were not too happy with his choice to join the Turks, while others told him to "do what you believe is right" and Tifa trusted that he would be the one to make the difference. 

The ambition to go to the top, the desire to be the best, the need to prove himself, and the longing to protect, were all too familiar to Cloud, and it took some convincing from Tifa to calm him and assure him that Denzel would be alright. Of course Barret was another story, as he would never shut up about how he wished Denzel would have done anything else, except join the Turks. 

However, Denzel had been a small child during the meteor ordeal and the Turks were not all that bad afterwards. Besides, one could not change the world without being close to the force that moved the world. Despite the hidden, and not so hidden, power struggles; that force, though a bit shaky, remained to be Shinra, not the World Restoration Organization or Wutai, and definitely not the dormant Avalanche. 

But that was okay, because this was the good Shinra, not the Shinra of the times he barely remembered. Many years had passed since the return of Sephiroth and the attack of Geostigma, and though the World Restoration Organization eventually became stable, without Shinra's financial help during that time, admit it or not, the WRO would have fallen, and Wutai might have been dragged down with it if Shinra stopped marketing it as a tourism spot. 

The point was that Shinra had fixed things, it was still doing so and they didn't get enough credit for it. With no soldiers, and only the shadow of an army, it was all about the Turks. Some said they had intensified their training and skills to fill the gaps, and some said they were in a way mako-less soldiers, armed with materia instead. 

"Ready? Go Rookie, no messing up." At Reno's signal the simulation began. 

The rookie Turk wearing their well known uniform launched the first attack. He wore gloves covered in metal armor, but they still allowed movement in his hands. Three knives about five inches long came out from the knuckles of each glove, colliding against the training robot. Denzel's materia glowed, as flames were summoned to attack the mechanical beast, then the relentless attack continued until the simulation was abruptly stopped. 

Reno had received news on his PHS; he looked satisfied with what he heard. "The WRO and Wutai couldn't handle that Behemoth that started attacking for no reason. It came back to the city and their forces are down." 

"You sound happy," Denzel observed. 

"That's because it means it's our turn. Get ready for your first real battle, Rookie." For all the unworthy missions Reno suffered through to stay with Shinra, it was payback time. Because in the end, the WRO, Wutai, and everyone else, would have to admit that there were things that only the Turks could handle. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

"Reno! Reno! Wake up!" 

Reno woke up to find himself in a place that had become familiar. Toys were scattered about, posters were up on the walls, and the TV was on, depicting the frozen image of a videogame with the word 'pause' flashing on the screen. 

There was a special offer in Turk missions for a limited time, and it was affordable even with a child's allowance. Due to messing up his boring missions lately, Reno had been forced to take the easy cheap missions, such as playing videogames with Denzel when Tifa was working, Cloud was out on deliveries and Marlene was at a friend's house with a bunch of other girls. But it wasn't so bad, because videogames were definitely a lot more fun than the missions Reno had to do lately. He allowed himself to relax and catch up on the sleep he missed. 

"You're supposed to play, not sleep," Denzel reminded him. 

It took Reno a moment to return to reality and remember that Shinra had not yet recovered its coolness, there was no Behemoth on the rampage, and Denzel wasn't a Turk in training; at least not yet... 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 36: Suspicious Delivery 

Maybe if he pretended the suspicious package was a vital and valuable item, Reno would feel better about being hired by Cloud Strife who was overbooked for deliveries thanks to Tifa making an effort to get him customers. She was only trying to help, but Cloud could only travel so far so fast. With that in mind, pretend he did, but it didn't make him feel any better, for the package was simply suspicious. 

The weather had been bad around Costa del Sol, it was hurricane season after all, and that particular area seemed to attract the natural disasters like a magnet. However, despite that, tourists still came and went in between the showers of rain, wind and thunder. The eternally tropical beach had plenty of people occupying it despite it being a relatively low season due to the weather, and Reno faced the same dilemma he would face when it was the busy season, he couldn't find a place to land. 

Every parking lot as far as the eye could see was full, so Reno resolved for landing his helicopter on top of a random building, or he would have done that if only the surface wasn't covered in satellite dishes that were so easy to set up and put away in less than an hour, allowing the residents to be free of their dependency in the ever fragile cables that took much longer to be fixed when the bad weather knocked them down. 

Finally after flying a considerable distance away from the coast, Reno managed to find a landing spot and hurried towards Costa Del Sol's main coastal area under the blazing sun on foot. Just yesterday the city was constantly stalked by rain, but today the sun was shining as if making an act of rebellion against hurricane season. It was not a comfortable walk, especially not in his Turk suit. 

Grumbling about the heat and the lack of parking space at a decent distance, Reno made his way to the assigned location where the package was to be taken, at the Costa Del Sol inn. "I'm sorry sir, but the inn is full." The receptionist informed Reno when he arrived. 

"I'm not on vacation," the words left a sour taste in Reno's mouth. "I'm here to deliver a package to one of the rooms," and due to the possibility of ditching the mission, for it to be considered complete, Reno needed the signature of the recipient. He would have tried to fake it if he actually knew who the recipient was, but the package only had an address and if Cloud knew who it was for, he kept that a secret from Reno to prevent having him try to forge the signature and falsely claim the delivery was done. 

"I see, go ahead then." The receptionist continued filing some papers and answering the phone, while Reno went off to search for the room where the package would be delivered, only to find that it was locked and no one would answer the door, thus he concluded it was empty. 

Reno returned to the front desk. He considered leaving the package there but he needed the signature, or at least the identity of the recipient. "I need to know who is staying in Room 205." 

"I'm sorry sir, but we're not allowed to give out information about our customers," the receptionist looked at Reno suspiciously. "If you are here to deliver a package you should know who it's for." 

Reno didn't feel like explaining the situation and instead pointed his electrorod at the receptionist. "Tell me who is staying in Room 205 and where this person is now, or else!" 

"Y-yes ss-ir!" The receptionist quickly looked up the information on the computer and revealed the mystery person to be "Vincent Valentine, I do not know for sure, but my guess is that he is at the beach." 

"The vampire?!" Reno headed towards the beach not happy with the identity of the package's recipient. Finding Vincent wasn't too hard, despite the crowds. He was the palest being on the beach, wearing red trunks and he had long black hair falling on his face as usual. "What are you doing?" 

Vincent looked up at the shadow that was cast over him. "Tanning, and you're blocking the sun." 

Reno laughed out loud, "tanning? Well you certainly need it, but to you it would be more like committing suicide with how most vampires react to the sun." 

"Not even you will ruin my mood on this day, now move," Vincent tried to ignore the teasing. 

Reno looked at Vincent's golden claw shining in the sun light. "Won't that rust if you go into the ocean?" 

"Cloud is delivering something to solve that." Vincent simply replied. 

The package contained a special kind of polish that would protect Vincent's claw from the harsh sun and most of all the salty waters. "Cloud was overbooked and couldn't make it," Reno held up the package. 

"Is that..." Before Vincent could finish the question, Reno was already running away, with the package. 

Forget the mission; if Reno couldn't enjoy a day off at the beach, then he wouldn't let Vincent enjoy it. "I hope you rust!" 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 37: A Turk's Life 

"I'm going to be a Turk soon!" When Barret arrived for a surprise visit and was told the children were playing upstairs, he found nothing unusual in that and headed up to see them. It had been a while since he saw Marlene and Denzel. But then he heard Denzel's voice speak those words and stopped, frozen half way up the stairs. 

"I want to join too; I want to be a Turk!" If Denzel's words shocked Barret, Marlene's words came close to throwing him into cardiac arrest. Barret gasped for breath, feeling that his lungs had lost the ability to process oxygen, as his heart was broken in a million pieces. How could his sweet little daughter say such things? And Denzel, he looked like such a nice boy. Had they both been brainwashed by Shinra? 

"With just a little more training I'll get there," Denzel sounded so happy. Barret could only assume that the innocent boy had, in fact, been brainwashed by the evils of Shinra, and had no idea what he was saying. 

"With this I'll catch up in my training in no time," it was Marlene's voice again. Barret forced his legs to move, carrying him the rest of the distance up the stairs. Tifa had remembered their visitor and rushed after Barret to make sure things didn't get out of hand, she knew he didn't like the Turks. 

"Marlene you can't join the Turks! Denzel, you have to quit too!" As if things were not suspicious enough, Barret spotted Reno, a Turk, the same Turk that pressed the button to drop the plate on Sector Seven, his least favorite Turk. "You!" Could it be that Shinra was recruiting children to join the Turks? With Barret's terrible opinion on Shinra and the Turks, he wouldn't put it past them. Kids were young, and easy to mold, they learned fast and looked harmless, which could be used to their deceiving advantage. 

"Barret, calm down!" Tifa rushed in to stop the possible battle. 

While Marlene innocently asked, "do you want to play with us?" She smiled pointing at the board game in the center of the circle that Marlene, Denzel and Reno formed on the floor. 

"A board game," Barret glared at Reno suspiciously. 

"It's about the life of a Turk," Reno explained, "it's a new board game from the Shinra Toy Factory." Barret did not like that board game where the players became Turks, and he specially did not Reno's presence. 

"Calm down," Tifa's voice sounded more like an order than anything else. "They're only playing a game, you should join them. The Turks have changed," at this point Reno grumbled displeased and Tifa continued. "Their missions are for the well being of the world." More grumbling from Reno was heard; something about wanting better missions in the future and bringing back the old Shinra, but it was hardly audible over Tifa's voice. "You see, Reno's mission is only to play with Marlene and Denzel, it's okay." Not to mention provide amusement for Tifa as she watched him be at the mercy of the children. 

"Barret pouted, I don't like it," but he sat down either way. "Is there an Avalanche in this game?" 

"No, it's about becoming a Turk and going on missions," Reno explained. 

But Barret wouldn't accept that, "well I'm bending the rules and playing as Avalanche, pass me the dice." 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 38: Doctor Reno 

It was that mysterious request again; the payment had been received; though it couldn't be tracked. It was them again; Reno knew it, the three little terrors of what was left of Sephiroth. But even if he knew this, Reno was bored, so bored in fact, that he hopped on his helicopter and went off to see the three little monsters. His better judgment screamed for him to turn back, but Reno ignored the voice in his head and landed in the Forgotten Capital. 

At least there would be a challenge in this mission, though it may just be too much to handle. He needed to practice his survival skills anyway before he lost his Turk abilities, and this was a perfect opportunity to train. Turks were fearless, marching to their doom unfazed, and coming out of an impossible situation alive. He was a Turk, off to battle the three biggest terrors the world would ever know, the child versions of Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz. 

Even if he was deliberately marching into danger, that didn't mean he was suicidal, so when Reno didn't hear the trio of energetic little voices that belonged to his torturers, he knew something was wrong. The three boys were nowhere to be seen, and the only sound faintly carried by the breeze was that of a sneeze. 

Reno curiously followed the sound, wondering if the boys were playing hide and seek. Instead he found the three children curled up in a corner of a gigantic sea shell shaped house. "Brother!" The three of them ran, though not energetically, towards Reno and clung to him desperately. 

The boys had been crying, and Kadaj was the first to calm down. "Yazoo, Loz, don't cry. Even if he's not mother's son, Reno will be our brother and take care of us. He did come when we called him." 

Little Yazoo nodded and sniffled, while little Loz looked up at Reno pouty faced, "you'll take care of us, right?" 

"Wait a minute, what's going on?!" Reno backed away from the three boys, their feverish red cheeks, warm foreheads and wet noses. 

"Brother!" The three boys whined in unison, as they once again clung to their unwilling savior. 

"We're sick, heal us," Kadaj demanded, he sounded funny with his stuffy nose. 

"I'm not a doctor, I can't heal you!" Reno had come to do some action training, to get some practice in basic survival skill, not to take care of sick children. Those three little boys could certainly cry loudly and Reno could feel a headache starting. He knew that if he ran away, the vengeful little brats would risk being discovered to give him a bad mission review and the press would exaggerate and say Shinra is cruel to children, never mind if they are the remnants of the man who tried to destroy the planet. "Okay, fine, stop crying!" 

Yazoo puckered his lip and asked, "then you'll take care of us?" 

"I'll see what I can do..." Nothing ever went Reno's way, and even when he was prepared for things to be very hard, they turned out to be far more difficult than he ever imagined. Truth be told, he had no idea where to start. "How about you rest?" 

"We've been resting all this time, I want to be healed, heal me!" Kadaj weakly stomped his feet and sneezed. 

"Stay here, I need to get some things from the chopper," fortunately the helicopters by standard order, were to be equipped with basic emergency supplies, and Reno was pretty sure there was a box of tissues in there. 

"Don't leave!" But getting the supplies would be much harder than it looked, with three little boys clinging to him, whining, crying and sneezing. 

"I'll be right back, let go!" Reno pried one of the boys off, and by then the other two would start clinging to him again. It only got worse when they decided they wanted to be carried. 

The walk back to the chopper, though relatively short, felt incredibly long to Reno, as he had to make it there carrying a little boy on each arm and putting up with their constant sneezes because they just didn't get it when they were told to cover their mouths. Kadaj rode on his shoulders, occasionally kicking and pulling at his hair. In short, Reno was not going to walk back like that, so he attempted to take care of the three boys in the helicopter. He found the box of tissues and hoped it was enough to last a while. 

Reno knew he couldn't do this alone, so he called the only person he could think of that was constantly around children. "Tifa?It's Reno. I need to know what's the cure for a child's cold." 

Needless to say, the question surprised Tifa, but then she figured Reno was stuck babysitting a sick child. "There is no real cure for the common cold, but you can treat the symptoms with over the counter medicines." 

Though Reno didn't mention that he wasn't even sure a cold was the problem. Those three were different from normal children; there was no telling what it could be. He dug around the helicopter searching for some kind of medicine, finding a small bottle that was supposed to heal all status problems, a Remedy. "Found it... you three each have to drink one of these!" 

A chorus of "no!" echoed all over the Forgotten Capital despite the children's sore throats. 

"Tifa, they don't want the medicine, what else can I do?" Reno asked over the phone.

In the Seventh Heaven, Cloud wondered why Tifa was laughing so hard while talking on the phone. "Keep trying, you have to convince them to take the medicine. Also, you can make them chicken soup," Tifa paused, remembering the tales of Reno's kitchen disasters. "On second thought, its best if you don't try to cook for them. You could offer to tell them a story if they take their medicine and take a nap." 

"Okay, I'll try that." Reno was desperate for a solution and nothing was working. "Listen up, I'll tell you a story if the three of you take the medicine and get some sleep!" 

The mention of medicines and sleep only made the three boys cry and wail "big brother is mean!" 

"They hate me now," Reno grumbled into the phone. He wasn't listening to Tifa's reply and instead pointed out of the chopper. "Out! If big brother is so mean, then it's best if he leaves." Forget the negative reviews and his plans to let the three terrors grow and bring the necessity of real Turk missions in the future. 

"Don't abandon us!" The three boys clung to Reno again, and actually took their status problem relieving medicines, not that it did much for a cold. "Story! Story! Story!" They chanted. 

Tifa continued to laugh at the sounds in the background, without realizing who the children were. Cloud gave her curious looks saying "put it on speaker phone, whatever it is, put it on speaker phone!" But the call had already been ended. 

The three boys tackled Reno, effectively trapping him in a corner of the helicopter, where the three of them got comfortable, despite Reno's discomfort, and used the Turk as a living pillow. "I hate my job," Reno grumbled, but there was no room for his complaints with all the complaints from the boys that wanted a story. "Once upon a time, there was a really cool Turk. He went on all sorts of fun missions and lived an action movie style life. Then one day, the company he worked for decided to turn stupid and the missions were not fun any more. The Turk ended up getting stuck babysitting three annoying little brats that... fell asleep in the middle of his story... acho! and gave him a cold. But he couldn't leave because the brats were sleeping on him, and if he got up they would wake up... and they all lived unhappily ever after." 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 39: Mysterious Secret Mission 

The time and place of the meeting was to be kept a secret from everyone, especially from members of the male population. Elena found that rule particularly odd but didn't question it, despite not having the full details about her mission. 

She had been instructed not to wear her usual Turk uniform; instead she had to wear casual clothing that allowed her to blend in among the civilians. Maybe this was the work of a spy she was assigned to do. Maybe there was already someone tracking her, a man, a suspicious unknown man, an enemy that had been somehow identified as male, but nothing else was known about him. Thus any and all men were suspicious until the identity of the enemy man was confirmed. 

Elena didn't complain a lot about the less than glamorous and non-adventurous missions that Shinra had been giving her and the other Turks lately. She was a professional after all, and she had a strong need to be recognized as a successful Turk, that was why she didn't question her missions. 

"Elena," she brought her hands down on the paper sitting on her desk, covering it at the sound of Tseng's voice. The Turk leader curiously raised an eyebrow, more so at Elena's lack of uniform than at the paper she covered, though he certainly had no complaints about her chosen attire. "Were we supposed to dress casual?" Leave it to Tseng to know about all the important company details, and miss out on basic information like that. 

"Not really, I'm going undercover in this next mission." Elena bit her lip to prevent herself from revealing any more information. 

"What is the mission about?" Tseng asked. 

Elena shook her head. "I can't say." Tseng was the leader of the Turks, he couldn't possibly be the suspicious man in the spy movie style story that Elena made up to explain this mission. But the instructions clearly said she could tell no man about this, and she intended to accomplish her mission flawlessly. 

Tseng paused for a moment, wondering why Elena would refuse to tell him about the mission. He concluded that it must be something silly and embarrassing so he didn't press the matter. "I understand." 

Elena nodded, relived that Tseng didn't insist on knowing what this was about. She wasn't sure if she could stop herself from telling him if he kept asking. The ability to keep a secret was something vital in a Turk, but Elena knew she still needed to develop that ability, though she had been improving. She left the office and only after she was gone did Tseng recall what he meant to ask her. He decided it didn't matter, surely she wasn't to blame for Reno being knocked out, tied up and locked in a storage closet, where he awoke some time after the incident. Well, it had been her doing, but she still wasn't to blame, Reno must have been pestering her, possibly about the mission she refused to reveal. Tseng smiled, her ability to keep secrets had improved a lot since she joined the Turks. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Finally, the time came to go on her mission. Elena arrived at the gates of Edge where she found Tifa, Yuffie and Shera. "What's the mission?" She whispered. 

"Shopping," Shera started. 

"Going to the hair salon," Tifa continued. 

"And gambling at the Gold Saucer," Yuffie finished. 

"Is that a code or..." Elena didn't finish her question. 

But it was answered anyway, in a chorus of Tifa, Shera and Yuffie, "girls day out!" 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 40: Snow 

The request was unusual, that was for sure. For a moment Tseng wondered if the request for snow was actually a request for ice-cream, but the paper clearly read "Snow". The mission would be a challenge that was for sure, because Tseng knew that a small amount of snow would be unacceptable, and it couldn't be fake snow or ice from materia. Tseng knew they were expecting a high quality delivery of natural snow. 

Thus the leader recruited all the other Turks for this mission, "our objective, is to gather as much snow as we can from the mountains up north. To avoid accidents when we drop it on Rocket Town, we must filter out small stones and the like out of the snow." 

As strange as it was, the Turks did not question their leader and went off to the snowy mountains to gather the snow. For this they recruited the help of Cid and his airship, the only ship large enough to carry everything by air. 

Thus the Turks left their summery weathered headquarters and ventured into the freezing cold mountains to gather snow. "I can't believe we're doing this," Reno shoveled more snow in the machine that would blend it and extract all the stones, pebbles and unwanted materials, producing nice clean snow that would be packed in the refrigerated cargo boxes in the air ship. "Cid, whose idea was this?" 

The pilot shrugged, "I don't know. But the weather's been hot in Rocket Town, makes me wish I thought about it myself." 

Reno pouted, "can't you people wait until winter?" 

"At that speed it will be winter by the time you're done," Cid pointed out. 

"You're not helping!" Reno complained. 

"It's not my job," Cid was amused, he was enjoying watching the Turks work. That was it, Reno couldn't take it anymore. He made a snow ball and threw it at Cid, who responded with an angry colorful remark. 

"Reno!" Tseng scolded, "we're here to work not play!" At that very moment, Cid made a snow ball and threw it at Reno in revenge. But the redhead ducked and the snow ball hit Tseng instead. "Cid!" Though he was supposed to be the composed leader, Tseng lost his patience as well and returned fire, or rather snow. 

The exchange continued until a stray snow ball hit Rude's bald head, making him yelp in a very un-Rude way. He wished he wore a hat. Whoever threw the snow ball would pay, and Rude joined the battle. 

"Stop it, all of you!" Elena flailed her arms, trying to get the others to listen. Then a stray snow ball hit her. She growled as she wiped the snow away from her face. "Don't forget, the one with the ice materia is me." 

It was an all out war that lasted several hours, until the Turks and Cid exhausted their energy. But even if they were tired, they would finish their mission, because they were Turks. Thus they finished gathering the snow and flew back to Rocket Town. 

From the airship, Tseng announced with a loud speaker, "to bring relief from the summer heat, Shinra will now make it snow in Rocket Town, just as it was requested!" 

The citizens of Rocket Town gathered around and cheered when the airship spread the snow around their town as if it were really snowing. It would soon melt, but it would be just enough to help everyone cool off. 

Feeling satisfied with the conclusion of his mission. Tseng went off to get his client to sign the completed mission form as soon as the airship landed. That's when a woman approached him and asked, "where's my bowling ball?" 

"Bowling ball?" Tseng repeated confused. 

"I sent you a mission request to deliver a bowling ball," the woman reminded him. 

With a heavy feeling of foreboding, Tseng read over his mission request form again. Rocket Town, Snow, bowling ball... Deliver snow to Rocket Town for... No, that wasn't it... Tseng realized his mistake, he trusted Reno's interpretation of the request form, but Reno was never a careful reader, to him even a sentence was TLDR. They were not supposed to deliver snow to Rocket Town; they were supposed to bring a bowling ball to a woman named Snow who lived in Rocket Town. 

To be Continued

Mission 31 was requested by Hikou about Rude and jumping. I also credit Hikou for calling Rufus 'Princess Ruru'. Farbucks is a parody of Starbucks in Shrek II and Basket Robin is a reference to Baskin Robins. Missions 32 and 37 were requested by evenstarfictionfan. Credits to Snow and Cherri for the Shinra Toy Factory. Missions 33 and 40 were requested by Snow. Snow, owns the character by the same name on Mission 40, I only borrowed her for the story. Mission 34 was requested by Nique. Mission 35 is based on a dream I had where a grown up Denzel joined the Turks and Reno had to train him. Missions 36 and 39 were requested by Sharem. Mission 38 was requested by Dawn of Destruction.


	5. Chapter 5

Missions: Report V 

Mission 41: Shot Glasses 

Rude was busily cleaning a multitude of shot glasses, regretful that he didn't empty them himself. It was sad, but he had worked so hard during this mission that he didn't have time to drink, even if the mission took place in a bar. He didn't even have time to talk to Tifa, or listen to her since he wasn't very talkative. Though admittedly he was hired to work, not to socialize and drink, but it would have been nice if he could. 

One thing that confused Rude was how the shot glasses piled up so much. There were not that many customers that night after the incident which made Elena leave the mission and pass it on to Rude. Tseng was also forbidden to take the mission because of that same customer scaring incident; and Tifa didn't quite trust Reno not to drink everything himself. 

It was funny in a way, the situation with Reno, Rude and booze. Sure they went to bars together, but Rude, ever the calm and composed one, never gained the drunken reputation. In fact, Rude actually went bar hopping more often than Reno himself, and drank more than Reno as well. But somehow, Reno always got the rep, which Rude didn't really mind as long as he got the booze. 

The bald man set another clean shot glass aside and picked up the next, washing it, drying it and putting it away. He had never seen so many shot glasses in one place, and wished he had not ended up stuck with the mission. 

Originally, this was Elena's mission. She was supposed to be the bartender while Tifa took a break. However, Tifa didn't warn her about how to handle flirty drunken idiots. An icy glare and the occasional waving of a fist was enough to make them back down. But Elena was a Turk so instead of an icy glare she used ice materia, freezing the drunken idiots that annoyed her. She scared many customers that way, until Tifa came to tell her not to do that. 

The night was young and after the frozen customers where dumped outside by Cloud at Tifa's request, though they did not bother coming after they melted free, other customers did eventually arrive, oblivious to the icy misfortune of their fellow drunken idiots. 

Inevitably, that new group of customers included more drunken idiots who also wanted to flirt with Elena. Tifa told her not to hurt the customers and she didn't want to fail the mission, so instead Elena glared, but it wasn't quite enough. She was about to wave her fist threateningly, without actually hitting the customer, just to give him a scare like Tifa said, but Tseng did the fist waving first, right into the drunken idiot's face. 

The leader of the Turks had heard about Elena's mission and came to see her and get a drink. He didn't understand why Elena didn't freeze that guy immediately, and interpreted her lack of action as a call for help. Of course he couldn't abandon a fellow Turk, especially not Elena. 

As it happens in bar fights, punches and kicks slip, drinks are knocked over, and chaos spreads. However, the drunken customers didn't know, or didn't understand, that Tseng was a Turk, and Turks are dangerous. Once again it was up to the unfortunate Cloud Strife to clean the mess of unconscious and badly beaten men after Tseng was done. That was what finally made Tifa request that someone else took over the mission. 

Rude was currently in the clean up area behind the bar, since the customers had left after the bar fight, he was stuck there cleaning the glasses, which continued to pile up, especially the shot glasses, Tifa had many of those. This confused Rude, how could the used glasses continue coming in if the customers had fled? It couldn't be that the customers actually returned after all that happened, and even if they did, there couldn't be enough customers to use this many shot glasses with the bar being so quiet. 

Tifa set another dozen shot glasses next to the sink for Rude to wash. "It will be closing time soon," she assured him, and Rude nodded in response, ever the quiet one. 

However, Rude's confusion begged for an explanation. He paused his work and dried his hands, curiously looking to the front of the bar where a single customer sat. It was a familiar looking customer, "Reno..." and he was drunk. 

"Hey Rude! Tifa told me about what happened, hic. I was going to give you a hand but Tifa said she rather hic have me as a customer. She didn't believe me when I told her you drink more than me," a string of silly laughter followed. "Gotta mess up more glasses like Tifa said, I'm helping!" 

"I didn't say that!" Tifa thought back about what could have given Reno such an idea; then the realization hit her. When she was explaining what happened at the bar, while Reno was still slightly sober, but apparently less sober then she thought, Tifa sarcastically commented that "the success of a bar is measured by the mess left behind." It was an old saying between bartenders, but that particular mess had not been profitable. 

Rude glared behind his ever present shades. Reno was the reason why he was stuck washing so many shot glasses. Rude was once again enduring the consequences of his partner's actions, but this was even more annoying than being hit on the head or having his shades stepped on. One of these days Rude would lose his patience, one of these days Reno would be in big trouble, one of these days... 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 42: War! 

Reno was the last to enter the Turks office, meeting with a disproving glare from Tseng. "Now that we're all finally here, I will explain the mission." There was a sense of urgency in Tseng's voice that the other two Turks had not heard in a long time. 

Rude remained silent, as usual, and Reno had to comment on everything, as usual. "Elena isn't here yet!" The redhead pointed out. "I'm not the last one to get here this time." It was odd, Elena was usually very punctual. 

"Elena is the one in need of our help," Tseng dramatically revealed. "She left, disguised as a civilian without her uniform or anything else to identify her as a Turk. I suspect the worse." 

Rude was silently confused while Reno was loudly confused, "I don't get it. What do you mean the worse? We've been getting the lamest missions, there's not even a lot of danger in them. Unless you're worried she'll be bored to death." Reno paused, thinking about his own deadly boring missions. "Well, at least there shouldn't be anyone trying to shoot her or something." 

"A date," Tseng spoke with more gravity than anyone would expect from such a word. "I suspect that Elena was hired to go on a date with someone under the threat of failing the mission and being fired if she refused. That's why she wouldn't tell me what her mission was about." 

Reno grinned, with an expression that obviously indicated he was about to say something annoying. "Tseng is jealous!" 

Tseng frowned, deadly glare locked on Reno, "I am not jealous; I am... concerned, frustrated and angry. Elena shouldn't be forced to go on that kind of mission and I will kill who ever requested it." 

As always, Reno never knew when to shut up. "Oh yeah, he's jealous!" 

Tseng's stapler flew at Reno, but fortunately the redhead ducked on time. "Since Elena has not filed her report yet, the information is only in the paper form, which she took. There's nothing about this mission in the databases, so we'll have to find Elena ourselves. To make matters worse, her PHS is off and she can't be tracked. Reno, you are to take a helicopter and fly over the entire city, contact us immediately when you see Elena and inform us of her location. Rude and I will search on the ground. Rude, you will take the north side of the city and I will search the south." Each Turk went to carry out his assigned task. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

It was Reno who first spotted Elena when she was coming out of a shopping mall, which was sort of a reformed wall market in the new city. Elena was with Tifa, Shera and Yuffie. Reno landed the chopper in the parking lot; there were no men in the group, just the four girls. "Aren't you supposed to be on a date and that's why Tseng is so jealous?" 

"Date?" Elena looked confused, "I didn't say I was going on a date, it's a secret mission!" 

Tifa, Yuffie and Shera glared at Reno, who didn't know why he was being glared at, until a large shuriken came dangerously close to his throat, held by the ninja's hand. "Ruin our girl's day out and die!" 

"Girls day out?" Reno blinked, he wasn't expecting that. His theory had been that this was a conspiracy to turn Elena against Shinra. 

"Elena!" Tseng spotted them and rushed to the group, dodging the shuriken that Yuffie threw at him, at the same time giving Reno the chance to get away and take cover among the parked cars. 

"Tseng!" Elena called out in surprise, before Tifa pulled her behind one of the cars. 

"I don't feel like talking to male kind today," Tifa admitted. 

Shera nodded, "me either." 

"I'm with them," Yuffie agreed. 

"So you're all mad at your boyfriends and husbands?" Elena concluded. 

The three girls nodded, and Yuffie added, "I'm mad at my lack of boyfriend. This girl's day out is supposed to take our minds off men." 

"Let Elena go!" Tseng yelled from behind the barrier of parked cars. 

Reno was amused and didn't feel like revealing the information he recently obtained. "I don't think they're going to listen, they tried to kill me and brainwash Elena!" 

"Then we'll just have to save her," Tseng aimed for one of the cars near the one the girls were hiding behind though not the same one, and he fired a warning shot. The bystanders screamed and scattered in a panic. 

"He's shooting at us!" Yuffie flailed her arms. 

Tifa clenched her fists, "coward," she pulled her gloves on and prepared to invade the enemy territory. "I'm going in, cover me." 

"Alright, charge!" Yuffie threw a rain of kunai knives at Tseng's side of the field, where her shuriken was still stuck to one of the cars, and Shera fired her gun sized flame thrower. 

"I didn't know you had a flame thrower," Elena curiously commented, before realizing the gravity of the situation. "Stop, you'll hurt them!" 

It was too late; Tifa had already infiltrated the enemy lines, thanks to the distraction from Yuffie and Shera. She caught Tseng while he was reloading his gun and kicked it out of his hands. The Turk leader stepped away, weaponless but far from beaten, and Reno got ready to join the battle. "Looks like we'll have a hostage of our own to negotiate with. You were a fool to come here by yourself!" 

Tifa grinned, "I didn't come by myself." 

The two men turned around to find Yuffie and Shera standing behind them and Elena watching the event unfold; with the glow of icy materia in her hand. "I'm sorry Tseng, but you told me that Turks always finish their missions, so I can't help you." 

"Elena, are you siding with Avalanche?!" Tseng was in disbelief. 

But Elena shook her head, "no, I'm siding with the girls, it's part of my mission in this girl's day out. I already told Reno before." 

Tseng glared at the redhead, "Reno?!" 

The leader demanded an explanation that Reno could hardly provide. "I thought we could win?" 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Rude had been disappointed with his assigned search area. He didn't find anything of interest, but little did he know he was better off that way. 

A monument had been constructed, a comet flying towards the planet, its long tail of light behind it. From that tail there hung two ropes, and tied to those ropes there were two partially frozen men waiting for their comrade to rescue them. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 43: Hawaiian Shirt 

It was silly really, and he felt silly thinking he had to wear it. Tseng examined the shirt with a look of surprise that such a bright thing existed. It was odd and unusual, it was cheerful and it was bright. 

Tseng looked down at the clothes he was currently wearing. Black and white, orderly and "what's this?" the opposite of Reno. Without allowing the leader time to reply, the redhead opened the plain white box that had been left on his desk with a yellow sticky note carrying only his name. From inside the box he pulled out a shirt, a very brightly colored shirt and some shorts. "What's this?" Reno asked again, though by now it should be obvious. 

"A shirt," Tseng replied somewhat annoyed. "It's for our next mission; we're supposed to wear these to advertise a clothing store. There were no names, no ads and no logos on the clothes, but even so it was advertisement, because there was only one store in all of Midgar, and possibly the Planet, that sold such ridiculously brightly colored clothes. 

"It's the same color as my hair," Reno was amused, he was easily amused, and it was true. The shirt Reno received was indeed a bright red, the same color as his hair, but it had ridiculous bright yellow polka dots that would make one question the sanity of any man who wore it. 

But at least it wasn't lime green with bright pink flowers like the one Tseng got. "Do you want to trade?" 

The leader's question caused Reno to shove his shirt back in the box and hold it protectively, "no!" Though it was rather silly, at least it wasn't lime green and flowery pink. 

"There is no choice; the Turks always complete their missions." Tseng's solemn expression didn't match the bright colors of the shirt at all. 

"So we have to wear these? That doesn't sound so bad." At least it wasn't bad compared to Reno's other missions. 

Tseng frowned, leave it to Reno to walk around in public with such a ridiculous shirt and not be embarrassed. Sighing, the leader figured that there was no use in putting off the mission, and he might as well wear the shirt, walk around a little, enough for the one who requested the mission to see him, and get it over with. "We should," Tseng paused, noticing that Reno was already wearing the silly outfit, the leader had no idea how the redhead changed so fast. 

"What?" Reno asked, as if the clothes were not weird at all. 

"Never mind, I'll change in a moment." While Tseng was changing, right there in the office, Elena and Rude arrived. Rude was wearing a similar silly outfit; his shirt was yellow, decorated with little blue triangles. Elena, who was wearing a Hawaiian outfit, complete with grass skirt, coconut bra, flower necklace, wristbands and anklets, did nothing more than stare at Tseng, who didn't even notice right away that someone new had entered the office. But he eventually did notice and tripped when he was putting on the shorts, which left him laying on the floor in his boxers, while Elena continued to stare, and Tseng, momentarily forgetting his position, stared right back. 

Of course the predicament could only bring more consequences, as Reno began to sing "Tseng and Elena sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" This would be a long mission... 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 44: Drink up! 

It was only fair, and it could only end in disaster, because life was not fair. The stressed leader and rich bartender would testify this for years to come. 

"Our mission is to go drinking?" Tseng blinked as he stared at the mission form. He didn't believe it when Reno told him; the redhead was known to make up stories at his convenience every now and then. 

But this one was true and Reno could only grin in pure happiness. "Isn't it great?" After spending some time literally hanging around the meteor monument, tied to the end of a rope like a fish trapped at the end of a fishing rod, it was only fair that things were balanced out. 

If their predicament was the result of Elena's girl's day out, then the guys deserved their own day to have as much fun as Elena did, doing their own things with other guys, and hopefully getting the girls to feel guilty and care for them during their massive hangovers. But life was not fair and balance was unheard of. 

Tseng had a heavy feeling of forebodding, which had become the norm when starting a new mission lately, since Lady Luck had decided to hate him. But the fickle Lady Luck not only hated him, but also most of his Turk companions. She had probably only shown mercy towards Elena in an act of kindness for a fellow fan girl. "I don't know..." 

"Don't be so pessimistic!" Reno was practically jumping with joy; actually he was literally jumping with joy all over the Turk office. But that was not surprising, as annoying as the missions had been lately, and with all the Turk torture the Planet was bringing upon them, Reno saw a drop of mercy as if it was an ocean of bliss. 

Tseng sighed, when you hit rock bottom, all you have left to do is climb up. Maybe this was a sign of the start of their climb back to the top. Tseng could only hope. 

But fate would have it that it was not quite an improvement in their lives, not mercy, not hope, but the product of a pilot's boredom. Cid Highwind had heard about Rude being able to drink quite a bit, more than Reno even, and so he decided to cure his boredom with a drink off destined to end in disaster. 

With Tseng as the only semi-sober one, their fate was looking grim, but Tifa had bills to pay so she didn't kick them out of the Seventh Heaven... except Reno, his silly singing had gone from amusing to annoying half an hour ago. 

Never try to out drink Rude, it was a lesson Cid had learned that day when the story was retold about how he snuck into Shinra HQ and tried to jump off the roof, certain that he could fly. Of course, Reno never learned his lesson so he would probably end up very drunk, many times in the future. 

Rude hid his drunkenness better than anyone would think was possible... until he was finally pushed over the edge and joined Reno in the strangest duet Edge ever saw. The cherry on top was that the next day, the girls went for another day out and the guys were abandoned with their merciless hangovers. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 45: Sober 

Reno couldn't believe he had been dragged to the middle of nowhere; to a place with a name that fit so well. Forget Me Not Valley, as if the small town begged not to be forgotten because it was so small, so rustic, so out of the way and away from civilization, that it was indeed easily forgotten. 

Thus it was also easily overlooked and the thief slipped past the defenses of the big city, stashing his loot in this forgotten place. He had been caught rather easily, as he was so confident that his movements fell into a predictable routine, and the treasure was recovered with the mysterious thief surviving only because of the interference of a farm girl. 

Reno had not seen Tseng so angry in a while, though the redhead could only laugh at the silver haired thief's obvious attempts of escape while he flirted with Elena. Despite that she almost looked like she was falling for it, she disappointed the thief informing him "that's what I would do if I wasn't a Turk, but I am," and at that point Reno laughed the most. 

Yet the Phantom Thief, as he called himself, would not desist, causing Tseng to get angry and attempt to make it look like said thief had an unfortunate accident, from which a farmer girl saved him at the last moment. The incident ended with the girl actually believing it was an accident, even if the thief claimed he was nearly killed on purpose. Stupid country bumpkins. 

Thus Skye, the thief, was left in the care of the farmer girl, and the Turks recovered the stolen goods and ended their mission a little too late to be heading back. They stayed at Inner Inn, a place that was so low tech it wouldn't rate a single star even against the cheapest hotel in Edge. 

There was nothing to do, since a decent television or internet signal didn't reach that far into the wilderness, so Reno went to a near by bar and suppressed the need to strangle the bartender when he was handed the menu. The place sold everything from alphabet soup and milk to oddly named vegetable juices, which at first Reno thought were actual bar drinks until he tried one... and they dared to call this place a bar. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

"There he is!" As Reno exited the bar some time later, darkness had already invaded the poorly lit valley. Then he found Elena pointing at him the second he set foot outside. 

"What?" Reno wondered what he did now. 

It was a question which Tseng was quick to answer, "it was your turn to guard the recovered goods. Rude has them at the inn." 

"Okay, I'll go guard them now. There's nothing to do in this town anyway so I might as well sit around staring at a box." Reno was about to head towards the inn, but Tseng stopped him. 

"I would rather you not guard it in this state," the Turk leader shook his head. "Couldn't you wait until after the mission was over to get drunk?" 

"Rude goes to bars a lot more often than I do, so why do I have the reputation?" Reno thought it wasn't fair, but it didn't truly bother him as much as it intrigued him.

"You just came out of a bar, of course you're drunk!" Elena reasoned. 

"I'm not! I only had some weird vegetable juice!" Reno was telling the truth, but no one believed him. 

Tseng sighed, "you must be really drunk if you hallucinated about drinking vegetable juice at a bar." The rumors said that city bars sold soft drinks that were nothing compared to the pure alcohol of those rustic country bars. 

"Really, just go in and see for yourselves! They sell a different kind of vegetable juice for every season, herbal medicine, milk and alphabet soup!" No one would even try to give Reno the benefit of the doubt after that explanation. What use was telling the truth if no one ever believed it? 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 46: Turkey 

"This is a disaster!" Elena glared at Reno, the one she blamed for the so called disaster. 

"What's wrong?" The redhead innocently asked, this time truly unaware of what he had done wrong. 

"The decorations are all crooked and uneven, this has to be perfect!" Elena stressed, "Tseng entrusted us with the very-" 

"Annoying," Reno cut in. 

"Important," Elena emphasized, "task of decorating Healin Lodge while he's busy guarding the president at headquarters. This place has to be perfect, or Rufus won't approve of it and he won't give us the day off on Thanks Giving and... and..." she blushed. 

"And you overheard Tseng saying that he wanted to ask you out for Thanks Giving if we got the day off," Reno finished. 

Elena blushed more and shook her head, "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just doing my job!" 

"Right... But do you really think Rufus is going to give us the day off?" The main door was opened behind Reno, but he ignored it. "Rufus has a huge ego; he thinks Thanks Giving is all about thanking him. He won't even let us leave early, and he'll probably expect presents." Reno paused, finally taking note of Elena's signals, "what?" He turned around and realized that the one who had arrived was not Rude with the groceries as he had originally thought, it was Rufus and Tseng. 

"Big ego?" Rufus glared, taking a few threatening steps into his home. "You should be grateful I haven't fired you!" 

A mere few seconds later, Rude arrived with the groceries. The quiet Turk immediately heard the argument. He couldn't leave Reno alone for a little while because the redhead always got into trouble. "They were out of turkeys," Rude announced, shifting Rufus' attention from Reno to himself. 

"We need one!" Rufus insisted; then once again glared at Reno, he wanted the ungrateful Turk out of Healin Lodge. "Reno, go out and buy a turkey." 

"Fine, fine, I was bored of being here anyway," Reno extended his hand to receive the credit card from Rude, but Rufus snatched it away and instead gave him some gil. "I can't trust you with the card. This is enough gil to buy one turkey, I don't care how far you have to go to find it, make sure you don't come back without a bird!" 

"Got it!" Reno did a silly salute and left Healin Lodge. The way Rufus phrased his request could only bring trouble. 

As Reno left, Elena asked, "do you like the decorations?" 

Rufus looked around nonchalantly. There were pictures of turkeys and autumn leaves all over, but no new pictures of him. "They're okay," he sounded uninterested. 

"Ingrate," Elena muttered. 

"Did you say something?" Rufus asked. 

Elena forced herself to smile, "nothing." 

Time passed and a few hours later, Reno returned. There were no turkeys to be found in Edge or the neighboring towns, but he didn't come back empty handed. "I'm back!" 

"Where's the turkey?" Tseng asked, seeing that Reno wasn't carrying any grocery bags. "Don't tell me you bought a live turkey? Reno, I told you not to do that again after what happened last year!" 

"I couldn't find a turkey, but Rufus said not to come back without a bird, so I bought a chocobo. I got it for a good price too, but don't tell Rufus I'm keeping the change," Reno smiled proudly, but Tseng was not convinced. 

"Rufus wanted a turkey," the leader reminded, "you know how stubborn he is, a chocobo won't do... But I guess we have no choice. Maybe Elena can disguise the flavor with the condiments and Rufus will believe it's a really big turkey," it seemed farfetched, but it was the only choice they had left. "Where is the chocobo?" 

"It was following me a minute ago..." Reno looked down the stairs that led to Healin Lodge. "There it is! Come on chocobo, there are cookies up here!" The fat chocobo, warked and tried to push itself up the stairs. 

"A live chocobo? We don't have the time to turn it into something edible. Besides, there is no way Rufus would eat that chocobo, it has too much fat." Reno signaled to the unsuspecting Tseng, but the leader disregarded it as random Reno silliness and continued talking, while Reno uselessly flailed around. "You know how Rufus is a complete narcissist, he'll worry about gaining weight, then he'll blame it on us because chocobo meat not only has more fat then turkey meat, but how healthy the meat is, is proportional to how fit the chocobo is." 

"Narcissist!?" Rufus yelled; he had been standing right behind Tseng the entire time. "So I'm an egotistical, ungrateful, narcissist?! Nice to know what you really think," Rufus pouted and went to lock himself in his room. 

Rude only shook his head in silence, and they dared to wonder why he always got the biggest Christmas bonus. Sometimes silence is best. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 47: Best Friends Forever 

It was another normal day at the Seventh Heaven. Marlene and Denzel were playing upstairs, Cloud was hanging around idly downstairs while he waited for a new delivery request to come, and Tifa was cleaning the counter. Everything was normal and nothing was out of the ordinary. 

Then Reno came running in, he stopped, leaning on the counter, his breaths fast and heavy, he looked as if he had been running for a long time. Reno tried to speak but no sounds were produced from his dry throat, while his starving lungs continued trying to recover. "W..." 

"W?" Tifa blinked, trying to complete the sound into a word, "w... whiskey?" 

Reno shook his head. 

"W..." Tifa went over the names of different drinks in her mind, wondering what Reno wanted. 

"Water..." Reno finally managed to force the word out. 

Tifa tilted her head curiously and blinked. "Right, water, maybe you should sit down. Cloud, check his temperature." 

Cloud nodded, "okay," he wasn't sure why they were helping a Turk, but then again, they were not enemies anymore and Reno was a good customer for Tifa's bar. Though the redhead still occasionally pulled a few annoying pranks on Cloud that made the delivery boy wish they were still enemies. Cloud placed his hand on Reno's forehead, lifting the goggles to do so. "Warm... It feels like you have a fever." 

"No fever," Reno tried to say. Then Tifa placed a glass of cool water in front of him on the counter and all words were momentarily forgotten while he drank it in a split second, "more." 

Tifa was a bit surprised, but she complied none the less and after Reno drank his fifth glass of water, he seemed to have recovered considerably. "What's going on?" 

"He has a fever," Cloud pointed out, as if that alone could answer Tifa's question. Reno was odd, for lack of better term, when he was healthy, so Cloud found it logical to think that he would continue being random in a different way when he was ill. 

"It's not a fever, I just feel warm from running for the past... what time is it?" Reno asked. 

Cloud looked at the time on his PHS, "Nine thirty-five." 

Reno counted on his fingers and finally replied, "ten hours, that's how long I've been running." Reno's face was nearly as red as his hair, he seemed to irradiate heat, and it looked as if he had lost some weight. "I'm hungry..." 

"Why were you running for that long?" Tifa asked, while she rushed to prepare a nutritious meal for the exhausted Turk. Her motherly instincts had kicked in and she didn't even bother asking what he wanted to eat. Reno would eat what Tifa gave him or she would force it down his throat, it was for his own good. 

"Today is our day off, so last night I went to get Rude to ask if he wanted to go to the Gold Saucer and party all night or something. But instead of just saying no, he tried to kill me! He chased me all over the city until I finally lost him a while ago," Reno explained. 

Cloud couldn't help it but to smile, "serves you right!" 

"Isn't that a bit harsh?" Reno complained. 

"I'll have to agree with Cloud," Tifa voiced, "maybe now you'll learn your lesson. Poor Rude, having to put up with you all the time, that poor man must have finally snapped." 

"But Rude has always been my best friend, he's never tried to kill me before..." A plate of food with meatloaf, mashed potatoes and rice was placed in front of Reno and next to it a tall glass of orange juice. 

"Eat," Tifa was commanding yet motherly all at once, "every bite." 

Reno did a funny little salute, "yes ma'am!" Tifa was a great cook anyway and he was hungry, besides, he didn't need someone else trying to kill him today. 

Then Rude entered the Seventh Heaven, causing Reno to almost choke on his food. "..." 

"You're not going to try to kill me again are you?" Reno asked. 

Rude's expression remained unchanged "..." there was a pause until finally the cause of Rude's homicide attempt on his best friend was explained, "sleep walking." 

Reno's jaw dropped, "sleep walking?! You were sleep walking and trying to kill me?! But I yelled at you to stop, why didn't you wake up?" 

"Ear plugs," Rude replied. He slept with his sunglasses, so Reno couldn't see if his eyes were open or closed and Rude could follow Reno by use of his Turk sense alone. "Security camera," Rude didn't say a lot, but he spoke the words that needed to be voiced. By chance he had run into Tseng who managed to safely approach Rude enough to wake him up. Then they investigated to see how far Rude's slumbering destruction had gone, the apartment building's lobby was a mess. 

"Are we still best friends?" Reno childishly asked and Rude nodded. "Good, I thought you were tired of having me around. Of course that's not true. No one can get tired of me." Reno... he never learns... 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 48: The Boy Who Cried Wolf 

"I can't believe we're babysitting sheep!" Elena wasn't sure for how long she had to stare at the sheep for the truth to sink in. The Turks were, in fact, babysitting a group of sheep. 

"At least it's peaceful," Tseng consoled. There really wasn't anything to do, save for keeping an eye on Reno, and Rude was on the job, he was used to it. 

"The last time I saw a sheep I was really little," Reno commented though no one had asked. "There was a talking wolf too, but no one ever believed me." 

"You probably imagined it," Elena replied. 

"I'm sure I saw a wolf, a red wolf, and it talked! His name was Na... Na... Something with Na!" Reno was certain of it; the memory was still crystal clear in his mind. But just as no one had believed him back then, he didn't really expect anyone to believe him now. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

"I want to ride it!" As soon as her son made that, rather loud, announcement; Reno's mother prepared to enjoy the show with a large grin plastered on her face. 

Although, before her son could do anything amusing, her goody-goody nephew had to ruin it all. "No, Reno, you can't ride the sheep." Reno's cousin thought he was being a good cousin as he dragged the complaining little Reno away from the unsuspecting sheep. 

"I want to!" Little Reno insisted, while his older cousin looked at his aunt wandering why the child's mother hadn't said a single word. 

Little did he know that Reno's mom enjoyed watching her son's antics and encouraged him to have fun, no matter how much she was told by older relatives and neighbors time and again, that her son would grow up to join some sort of gang or something if she didn't discipline him. Reno's mom just rolled her eyes at them, and when Reno did join the Turks later on, she thought it was cute, everything he did was cute. 

"I have a present for you," she looked through her purse until she found a gift card and handed it to her nephew. "It's good for any Shinra store, enjoy." She was too busy shopping for herself to pick out things for others, so instead she shared the joys of shopping with a card. The gift was there, he just had to go pick it up, and it could be anything he wanted, since there was a Shinra store for everything. 

"Thanks" the boy gave his aunt a big smile, even if he wasn't certain how to use the card, but he had a feeling it could get him something cool. 

Then they went into the house following Reno's aunt and uncle. While his mom was chatting about every day things, after Reno was released from the hugs and ruffling of his 'pretty' hair, he dashed towards the sheep again. 

"Hey little cousin, you're not supposed to ride the sheep." Once again, his older cousin frustrated Reno's attempt to ride that fluffy white, walking pillow. 

"But I want to!" Reno insisted, which only caused his cousin to start randomly ranting about the joys of baseball and offer to play with Reno. That poor boy later learned that putting a bat in Reno's hands was not a good idea, because the small redhead really wanted to ride that sheep, and he did, after knocking out his cousin. 

Little Reno was carried away into the fields behind his aunt and uncle's house riding the startled sheep. He was lost for several hours until a red talking wolf kindly led him and the scared sheep back to the house. Since nobody saw the polite and gentle wolf, nobody believed it existed. Thus the story about the red talking wolf was disregarded as part of Reno's active imagination. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 49: Surprise 

It flew past Tseng unsteadily; then the fragile air craft crashed against a wall and fell on the floor. "Reno," Tseng warned. 

However, the stern look and serious voice that the leader used was lost to the redhead. Reno busied himself in making another paper airplane; it was his idea of putting those important documents to good use. He threw it but this time his aim was a little off. 

Another improvised airplane made of paper flew over Rude and Elena, this time crashing against Tseng's head. "Reno!" 

"I'm bored!" Reno complained. 

They were all bored actually, but that didn't have to be a bad thing. Quite frankly, Tseng would rather be bored than have to put up with one of those annoying missions they had been receiving lately. 

Elena got up from her desk, her steady footsteps sounding off louder than they should, due to the excessive silence of the office. She nodded her head in a quiet goodbye, a bright smile upon her face, as she closed the Turk office's door on her way out. 

"She's been going out like this every day lately, but I don't know what her mission is. Elena won't talk about it, she only smiles and blushes when I ask." Tseng didn't like that at all. "She keeps saying it's a top secret mission, some internal work for Shinra instead of a mission hired from the outside." 

"Jealous?" Reno threw another paper airplane. 

The airplane unsuspectingly flew in front of Tseng towards the opposing wall. But it never reached its destination because Tseng reached out and grabbed it, crushing the paper in his fist. "I am not jealous, I trust Elena... I just don't trust, who ever is with her. What if he tries to hurt her?" 

"You're really overprotective of Elena. She's a Turk, she'll be fine. Besides, we don't know anything about the client." Reno grinned, it may have sounded as if he was consoling Tseng, but he was actually poking his curiosity. 

"I want to know more about that client..." and Tseng fell for it, just as Reno had hoped. 

"Want me to investigate?" That would certainly make things easier for Reno, instead of going through the trouble of sneaking out of the office. 

"Yes, then maybe some of the paperwork will be saved," Tseng agreed. 

Thus Reno left to investigate what Elena was doing and to make sure the deadly innocent maiden wasn't being deceived. Elena had become more skilled since her days as a rookie, surely anyone could see that, but Reno wouldn't complain about having a chance to get out of the office. 

When Tseng asked Reno about what he saw, Reno reported that Elena had gone out with Tifa, Shera and Yuffie. It made sense; those four had been spending more time together lately. Elena must have been smiling because she was looking forward to a girl's afternoon out. But then that would mean she skipped work and she never skipped work, much less that often. 

Tseng was not gullible; he knew that Reno was hiding important information. Then the theories started to pile up in Tseng's head, like the papers on his desk. Whoever was trying to steal Elena away must have bribed Reno and bought his silence, leaving the redhead to make up excuses for Elena. Tseng had tried asking her directly but she always avoided the subject. 

Another day came and Tseng breathed deeply, looking at the pile of paper work waiting for him at his desk with disdain. Usually he would attack the work none stop until it was done, but today he just didn't feel like it. It was an odd coincidence that just when Elena started to mysteriously leave the office, his paper work started to pile up. It was almost as if Rufus himself was in on it... Wait, Rufus?! No, it couldn't be! 

xoxox xox xoxox 

When Reno later brought his false report, Tseng decided to try to get more information out of him. "Rufus is involved, isn't he?" 

"I don't know what you're talking about," though Reno denied it, for just a split second he had a deer caught in the headlights look. 

"He is involved!" Tseng concluded. Then the Turk leader looked at Rude, "take care of the paper work. This time I will investigate myself. Maybe Elena is feeling ignored because I'm such a workaholic and Rufus is taking advantage of that." 

"This is starting to sound like a soap opera, I'm leaving now," and Reno made his escape. 

"These papers need your signature," Rude pointed out. 

"Forge it!" Tseng couldn't believe his own words, but with that said, he ran off. Yet coincidentally Rufus had a minor emergency soon after, which forced Tseng to go to his aid at the risk of losing his job if he refused. But also it helped Tseng confirm that, at least on that particular day, Elena was not with Rufus. 

After carrying Rufus around piggyback for the day, because the young president insisted to have twisted his ankle, Tseng was too exhausted to do anything other than sleep, and the mystery of Elena remained a mystery for another day. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Finally, the moment of truth came, Tseng would investigate what was going on if it was the last thing he did. Elena didn't even show up at work that day and neither did Reno. Strangely enough, Rude was no where to be found either. 

Tseng headed to Healin Lodge to settle his suspicions about Rufus. That day when Rufus supposedly twisted his ankle, Reno could have alerted him of Tseng's suspicions. It was odd that Rufus' injury was inexplicably healed the next day. Rufus overreacted sometimes, but even taking that into consideration, it was still too odd to ignore, given the circumstances. 

However, when Tseng arrived at Healin Lodge he was met with a big surprise. "Happy Birthday!" Confetti rained down on him as much as confusion did. 

Rufus had heard from Cloud when he went to the Seventh Heaven for Tifa's cooking, about how much fun it was to make little surprise parties. The topic of Zack was already present when Rufus arrived and he caught the conversation when Cloud was narrating a particular occasion in which he and a few others surprised Zack on his birthday. 

Rufus was feeling bored. He had taken to trying a variety of different pastimes and often wanted to try something new when ever he saw it or heard about it, which included completely random ideas every now and then. He had received plenty of surprise parties, and some of them he actually didn't expect, thus making them real surprise parties, instead of in name only like the majority. But he had never planned a surprise party with gifts, cake, decorations and the like. The way Cloud descried the process it made it sound like fun. 

Thus in an unexpected turn of events, Rufus decided to inquire whose birthday was next, which his escort at the time, Rude, revealed to be Tseng's. That was how that crazy idea came to be. Rufus was picky and it had to be done right. Who better to help pick out the necessary materials than Tseng's girlfriend Elena? Of course it had to stay as a secret so Reno, Rude and the paper work were the distractions. Although, one had to wander if a surprise party was really worth nearly giving poor Tseng a nervous breakdown, not that he actually showed it. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 50: Red Alert 

"Tell me again why we're here?" Nanaki was confused. He felt out of place in the Gold Saucer, among so many unfamiliar two legged things. 

"That's because hanging out with you is my mission and this is a good place to hang out," Reno replied. 

Nanaki shook his head. What was Cloud thinking when he hired Reno to 'hang out' with Nanaki? "Why you?" 

"What? Am I not cool enough?" Reno pouted. 

"I meant no offense, I'm only curious," Nanaki clarified. 

Reno looked unsure at first, as if he knew what was going on but was debating if he should reveal it or not. "Tifa said I should be more polite and follow your example. Then Cloud had the idea to hire me to hang out with you, I guess he wanted to impress Tifa or something." 

"I see..." Nanaki gave Reno's words some thought, but they didn't make as much sense as he wished. Anyone could teach Reno some manners; it didn't have to be him. Then again, maybe it was more accurate to say that no one could teach Reno manners, not even Nanaki. But the question still remained, "why was I chosen for this task?" 

"I don't know, maybe it's because we're both redheads or something... well actually, you're all red. Yeah I think that's it, the color." Reno nodded to himself; it was the only explanation he could come up with for receiving this unusual mission. "Let's go to the chocobo races or something, it's not fun if we just stand here with random kids pointing at you." 

"They must have mistaken me for one of the actors." Nanaki wasn't sure how he felt about being mistaken for part of the entertainment, and he wasn't sure what he should do about Reno, but he might as well play along for now. 

"Hey Red, roar a little and jump around," Reno's suggestion was met with a confused look from Nanaki, but the Turk assured him with the most unsure statement, even if it was spoken with absolute certainty, "trust me." 

Nanaki paused, realized that Reno was actually serious, and sighed, shaking his head. Yet none the less he complied, roared, catching people's attention, then proceeded to show off his acrobatic abilities. People gathered around to witness the show, and even the guards were surprised by the new actor, who was assumed to be a man in a costume. The distraction gave Reno the chance to sneak into the chocobo stable and feed sleeping pills to some of the chocobos. 

The pills varied in strength and the time they took to take effect, they would not make the chocobos fall asleep right away, that would be too suspicious, but the chocobos that took the pills would definitely slow down during the race. Other than that, there was no harm done, so Reno, with his own special logic, thought there was nothing wrong with the arrangement. Then the Turk placed a large bet on the chocobo he left fully awake and obviously won. 

"You cheated," Nanaki stated with disapproval. "That was wrong and I'm reporting it." 

"You helped and I couldn't have done it without you, so you're guilty too," Reno grinned victoriously. 

"That's not fair, you tricked me!" Nanaki looked at the gil Reno offered. 

"I'll share the winnings," Reno always thought that he couldn't get into trouble unless he got caught, and shared his logic with everyone else. Nanaki was a useful partner in crime so it would be worth it to give him his rightful part of the loot. 

"This is still wrong," Nanaki remained firm in his disapproval. 

"So what if it's wrong? Accept it and get on with your life," that was how it worked for the Turks. 

Nanaki made a long pause, then finally sighed and shook his head one last time before accepting the gil. Thus the mischievous redhead took the first step towards corrupting the polite redhead and another mission backfired. 

To be Continued

Mission 41 was requested by Cherri. Missions 42 and 44 were requested by Sharem. There are ideas from reviews from Aki Masamune in Mission 44, being nice to a fellow fan girl and "turk torture". Missions 43 and 47 were inspired by Kaeghlighn's reviews. The title of Mission 47 is a reference to The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. Mission 48 was inspired by Sacred3's review. Mission 49 is for evenstarfictionfan, who wanted to see more of Tseng being protective of Elena.


	6. Chapter 6

Missions: Report VI 

Mission 51: Spirited Away 

Elena leaned on Tseng and stayed as close as possible while he kept his arm around her shoulders, not that either Turk was scared. They were Turks and they didn't believe Reno's childish ghosts stories, they simply shared a mutual crush. 

Finally, the time came to extinguish the camp fire after Reno was done stuffing his face with roasted marshmallows while telling his story, and occasionally being scolded by Tseng, Elena or both, for talking with his mouth full, not that he listened anyway. 

They retired to their respective tents to sleep and plot in their dreams. They would plot the demise of the fool who hired them to catch a ghost that appeared in a remote area of the jungle near Mideel. There was no such thing as ghosts, but the contractor insisted so much that the matter reached Rufus and, trying to avoid trouble with the press, the young president ordered the Turks to accept the mission. 

While Reno drifted off to sleep, curled into a ball in his sleeping bag, he thought he heard a sound outside. Far from being a ghostly wail, it sounded more like a soothing female voice, but it was different from Elena's voice, and it was calling him. 

Reno peeked out of the tent but couldn't see anything in the vast darkness now that the fire had been put out. He grabbed a flashlight and ventured outside, following the voice and disappearing into the darkness. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

"Where's Reno?" Tseng asked the following morning. 

"Gone," Rude replied, simple and to the point. 

Tseng shook his head in annoyance. How could Reno bail out on the mission? Further more, the mission was almost over anyway since the Turks were only hired to 'investigate' until morning. Then again, this was Reno and he would leave. 

The Turks' history wasn't very good in Mideel, they thought they would be banned from the town forever after a certain incident involving a hammer that ended up with torches and pitchforks, but the Turks would rather not remember that. 

However, it seemed that a ghost was even worse than the Turks in the minds of the Mideel citizens. But even so, not even Reno would be stupid enough to visit the new Mideel alone at night. But again, this was Reno and everything was possible. 

The Turks returned to Mideel to inform the new mayor that there was no ghost anywhere to be found. But the lack of precense of the forth member of their little group terribly alarmed the mayor and the townspeople who had gathered at the mayor's house to await the report from the Turks. "That red haired one was spirited away and you're trying to hide it!" 

"He wasn't spirited away he just had to leave early," Tseng tried to explain. There was no such thing as ghosts, only the uncivilized country bumpkins of Mideel would believe it. Smart and civilized city people knew better than to believe such ridiculous myths. 

The mayor's house was filled with murmurs until someone among the crowd yelled, "prove it!" and the others supported the request. 

Then the door was opened to reveal an exhausted Reno with a silly grin plastered on his face. "I'm back!" 

The people of Mideel had no choice but to shut up and accept the apparent fact that Reno wasn't spirited away after all. The Turks had accomplished their investigation mission, but that would not dispel the ghost stories of Mideel right away. Urban legends were hard to kill, but at least the Turks' job was done. 

While flying back to Shinra Headquarters, Tseng disapprovingly asked, "where did you disappear to last night?" 

"I was spirited away by a body of thoughts... nice thoughts," Reno replied. 

"What does that mean?" Tseng questioned. 

"The fan girl! The embodiment of all my fan girls, the being made from their love. Don't you remember her?" That incident should be hard to forget, but after time passed and no solid conclusions were drawn, most of the people who had heard the story had either forgotten about it or stopped believing it. 

"You were dreaming," Elena concluded. 

"And sleepwalking," Tseng added. 

"I don't sleepwalk!" Reno tried to explain it, but no one would believe him. After all, Rude didn't think he could sleepwalk either and recently it was proven that he could, in fact, walk in his sleep and also fight in his sleep, 'sleep-kill' as it was later called.

At that moment Reno wondered if with the passing of time he would forget this incident, be convinced that he was sleepwalking, or simply stop believing it ever happened. It was a likely possibility since even now he couldn't remember exactly what happened while he was spirited away. At least he knew that if the spirit made from the thoughts of his fan girls still existed, he was still loved. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 52: Operation Fruit 

"The target has been sighted, proceeding with plan A now..." Reno dully reported into the headset while he flew above Cloud, who was riding on Fenrir. He could have passed for a serious Turk if not for the laugh that he tried, and failed, to hide at the end. Then he rephrased his report to something a little more fitting, "I see Kiwi, proceed with Operation Fruit Salad! What's your status, Grape?" 

"Reno, I thought we agreed that we would call Cloud 'target' not by that silly nickname you and Rude gave him to get on his nerves. Just who is Grape?" Elena's voice replied. She was stationed on land, on the other side of the tunnel Cloud had to go through. 

"Cloud likes that name, he just won't admit it. Besides, it was totally Rude's idea, he doesn't give himself enough credit. You're Grape and I'm Strawberry, remember?" Reno laughed, and he could clearly imagine Elena rolling her eyes. "Oh hey, there he goes!" 

"The barrier is already in place, over and out." Elena heard the screeching of tires and came out of hiding to face the barrier, quickly putting away her PHS. She didn't even bother hiding anymore because she simply had to witness this. 

"Plushies?" Cloud got off Fenrir and pulled his goggles over his head then rubbed his eyes. "Plushies..." There was in fact, an adorable row of cute plushies placed across the road, blocking Cloud's path. Elena watched him but said nothing, so Cloud spoke first. "Are these yours?" 

Elena shook her head, "I have nothing to do with this. I'm just an innocent by-stander." 

This was strange, even for the Turks, and as far as Cloud could tell, Reno was the insane one. Why in the world would Elena put plushies in the middle of the road where they could be run over? She didn't look like a toy torturer; maybe she was an innocent by-stander like she said. Or maybe the plushies had bombs. "Bombs! Those plushies are actually bombs!" 

Elena couldn't take it anymore and started laughing while Cloud examined one of the plushies with absolute care, as if fearing it would blow up. 

After examining it, Cloud swallowed, took a deep breath and squeezed the plushie. It was soft, just a regular plushie, and he didn't hear any ticking or strange noises. There was nothing strange about that plushie at all, except for its location. 

Cloud repeated the action with all the plushies, carefully examining them, listening, and finally squeezing them to make sure there was nothing suspicious inside. It was a dumb thing to do if they really had explosives, but Cloud's curiosity refused to let him go until he found out just what those plushies were. 

Finally, the delivery boy went back to Fenrir and picked up a piece of cardboard. He extended the once flat cardboard and folded it to form a box, which he secured with tape. Then he picked up the plushies and placed them all in the box. "These really are yours, right?" He handed the box to Elena. 

Unable to contain herself, Elena nodded, while practically laughing her head off. 

Cloud sighed and shook his head, "I thought you were the sane one. Reno's insanity must be contagious. I don't know how Rude has managed to stay sane with him as a partner," and though Rude was a rival for Tifa's affections, Cloud couldn't help it but to feel sorry for the other man. 

"Wait! There's something I need to tell you!" Elena placed the box down and dug around it. "Hold on, I almost found it, here it is!" She held the plushie up and looked at it and Cloud. It was a chick, a little yellow baby chocobo plushie with its feathers styled very similar to Cloud's hair. "Reno was saying that this plushie looks like you. I think he was actually right for once!" 

"Um... okay... Just make sure to keep the plushies out of the road, alright?" Cloud headed back to Fenrir, but once again Elena stopped him. 

"Wait! There's something else I need to tell you!" Elena looked at her watch. "It is now exactly three ten in the afternoon..." Then her cell phone rang and she answered it while Cloud tried to sneak off to Fenrir. But Elena noticed and kept standing in his way, moving from side to side at the same time as Cloud, making it look like a weird dance. 

"Apple here, Operation Fruit Cocktail has been a success. You may finalize Operation Fruit Salad at any time," Tseng's voice came from Elena's PHS. 

"Tseng! Not you too with the fruits..." Maybe Reno's insanity was contagious, and while Elena mused this, Cloud made his escape. But it didn't matter, because Apple, I mean Tseng, had already given the okay to end Operation Fruit Salad, which had the purpose of creating time for Operation Fruit Cocktail. 

Codenames aside, the Turks were actually hired to make sure Cloud was delayed enough so that his friends could get a little party ready for him. That delay was Operation Fruit Salad and Operation Fruit Cocktail was the task of helping put up the decorations and getting the food ready at the Seventh Heaven. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 53: Don't Sit Down 

"I can't stand it anymore, I just can't stand it!" Yuffie Kisaragi had lost her patience, which she surprisingly had a lot of to begin with concerning this particular matter, but definitely not as much patience as Tifa. The ninja girl from Wutai was always jumpy; she never stayed still and flailed around with little to no provocation. Many were certain that she had some sort of hyper disorder or a very strange tic that prevented her from staying still. She pressed the speed dial on her cell phone for a number she kept just in case. 

Ironically, ninjas are supposed to be quiet and sneaky and Yuffie was loud, but she was sneaky enough to make up for it. She did try to wait; she honestly did, but that man was not making it easy. "Why?" The question jumped out of her mouth as soon as the call was answered and before the person on the other side could even say hello. 

"Why what?" Reno didn't even bother asking who was calling and he definitely didn't say that silly greeting he was supposed to recite when he answered the company phone. 

"You have reached the Turks, you name it, we Turk it," Tseng didn't particularly like the greeting either; it made no sense what so ever in his opinion. "Don't forget to say that." No matter how ridiculous and nonsensical it sounded, it was Rufus' idea and it had to be done. 

"I refuse! I'll never say it!" Reno yelled at the top of his lungs, paying no mind to the receiver. 

"I knew it!" Yuffie shouted back. "Why are all men like that?" 

"Like what?" Reno was totally and completely lost, and Yuffie was too annoyed to properly explain anything. 

"You don't understand!" The ninja girl huffed. "Anyway, I have a really important mission for the Turks. I don't care which one of you does this as long as it gets done. You can use any methods you want, except killing because that would defeat the purpose of the mission and make it all kind of useless. Listen because this is important, I'm so fed up with watching it and going no where, you have no idea!" 

Reno had no idea, no idea about anything; that much was true. But he didn't stress out about it; after all, this was just another stupid mission, nothing big. It was just one of those lame missions they got every now and then for community service or something, so the redhead simply let the loud mouth mystery girl rant while the phone laid unattended on the desk. 

A few minutes passed and Reno returned from the snack machine with some cookies. He picked up the phone again under Tseng's pressuring look; though the leader made no motion to get up from his desk, pick up the phone himself, or even say anything. 

"Did you get all that?" Yuffie asked once again. 

"Yeah, sure, summary?" Reno didn't know what the mission was about and Yuffie didn't have the patience to start her rant over; nor the ability and desire to summarize it. 

Thus the ninja simply said, "don't let Cloud sit this one out. Be honored to take the mission request of the great Yuffie Kisaragi and make it work!" Then she promptly hung up. 

Shrugging, Reno finished his cookies, then went off on his mission. He knew who to send the bill to, so even if the job details were a little unclear it didn't really matter.

That was how poor Cloud had one of the worse and most awkward days of his life, in which Reno kept preventing him from sitting down using different methods, such as pulling his chair away, leaving the delivery boy to fall on the floor, or even zapping Cloud with his electrorod. 

Needless to say, Reno ended up running for his life and Yuffie ended up frustrated. All the ninja wanted was for Cloud to confess his feelings for Tifa and not 'sit out' another opportunity to do so. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 54: Spirit of Christmas 

Zack sighed, who ever said that death was the end of one's difficulties. Oh no, he was neck deep in the troubles of mundane desires, and they were not even his own desires. 

Normal girls would have run away screaming if they stumbled upon a ghost in a deserted part of the city, but those two were far from being ordinary girls. "You're a spirit, it's Christmas Eve, therefore you are a Christmas spirit and you need to give us presents!" That was their logic. 

Try as he might to explain that he was just a regular spirit, the girls wouldn't listen to Zack and kept demanding presents. 

"Don't forget that it's better to give than to receive," not even the presence of a second ghost bothered the girls, when Aerith arrived with her advice. 

The two girls grinned, "you heard her!" "Yeah, give us presents!" 

Zack sighed and Aerith laughed. "Why don't we show them some kindness, it might work wonders," the cetra suggested. 

"Alright, I'll give you each one present," Zack agreed. 

"Do you promise?" The light haired girl asked. 

"Promise!" Zack gave the girls one of his usual carefree grins. 

Then the sisters smiled evilly. "We'll hold you to that promise," the dark haired one spoke. 

Zack knew he was doomed, and if not him, somebody was. Thus it began; Zack went to get presents for the two crazy girls he had randomly encountered. Didn't they know they should be sleeping at home at that hour and letting ghosts do their haunting in peace? Plus what they asked for was... 

Zack started working on his mission, he snuck into the Turks' office, which was very easy for a ghost, and made his way to Reno's desk, the redhead was his first target. Next came the tricky part, using his standard edition ghost powers, Zack possessed Reno and prepared to leave. 

"Where do you think you're going?" Elena pulled Reno's hair, dragging him back into the office. She wanted Reno to leave so she could be alone with Tseng when he came back, but the leader had entrusted her with the task of babysitting the redhead and she didn't want to fail her duty. The only way Reno could be allowed to leave was if he received a mission request and went out to work. 

"Ow, ow, ow! Sorry, there's just this place I need to go to, so you'll have to excuse me. Please don't tell anyone I left, okay? Thanks!" It was Zack who spoke but he was in Reno's body, using Reno's voice, while Reno remained temporarily unconscious. 

Elena gasped and dashed to Tseng's desk, opening the drawer where she knew he kept an extra gun. "Who are you?" 

Zack stared at Elena in surprise through Reno's eyes. "I'm Reno of the Turks. I'm your ally, remember?" 

"You said sorry, excuse me, please and thanks. It takes a lot more than hair pulling to get either of those words out of Reno, let alone all of them one after another. You are not Reno." Elena continued aiming the gun at the apparent impostor. 

Zack started to worry, he didn't mean for Reno to get killed, though he wasn't exactly taking the redhead towards the safest place. "Don't shoot, I'll tell you the truth," Zack let go of Reno, revealing his ghostly appearance to Elena. 

"You're a ghost," Elena calmly observed. 

"Aren't you scared?" What was the world coming to if no one was afraid of ghosts anymore? 

"I'm a Turk!" Elena declared proudly, then added, "and you seem harmless enough." "What's going on..." Reno was suffering from a post-possession hangover and wasn't done recovering, but he miraculously became fully alert when he saw the ghostly Zack. "A ghost! Cool! Hey Elena, where's the vacuum cleaner? I saw a ghost be captured inside a vacuum cleaner on TV! I know there's a vacuum around here somewhere, Tseng was using it the other day." 

Zack sighed, "is it too much to ask that you give yourself as a gift to a random girl so she may learn the meaning of Christmas and all that stuff, so I can keep my promise and be done with it?" 

"Huh?" Reno blinked in confusion. 

"I thought so..." Zack was ready to leave and try to teach those girls the meaning of Christmas in some other way. Maybe Aerith could talk them into asking for scarves or candy canes or something else instead of men for their presents. 

"Wait, Mr. Ghost!" Elena brought a mission form over. "If you want Reno to do anything, especially go off on a mission, all you need to do is fill out this form." 

"What are you up to? Trying to get me more work?" Reno didn't like where this was going. 

"Ghosts have no gil anyway," Zack pointed out. 

"I'll cover the costs, since it's Christmas Eve and all," Elena offered. 

"That's very kind of you, thanks!" Zack accepted the offer. 

But Reno wasn't pleased with how things were going, "don't I get a say in this?" 

"No!" Elena snapped. This was just what she needed. Rude's mission, which involved dressing up as Rudolf the red nose reindeer, would not end anytime soon; but Tseng's shift as a mall Santa Claus would soon be over, and she had finished being a toy maker elf hours ago so they would have the office to themselves when Tseng returned. They still had to be at Shinra during Christmas Eve, but at least they would spend some time together; hence why Elena wanted Reno to leave, even if it meant forcing him to become a present for some random girl. 

Zack grinned victoriously after the paper work was done. "You're a present," he told Reno. "Now let's get you gift wrapped so I can give you to that girl and get on with my life, er... afterlife I mean." 

"Wait a minute, that's not fair!" Reno followed Zack out of the office complaining. 

"Zack Fair is always fair," the ghost replied. 

Reno kept arguing the whole way and asking over and over. "Is she cute? Is she? She better be... She is pretty, right? Or at least sane... isn't she?" 

Zack refused to answer, the girl was pretty, but she was scary and there was something off about her. He wondered if she was even human... and he still needed to get a present for the other girl. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 55: Business Consultant 

"I'm here to see a business consultant, not you," Cloud explained for the millionth time. 

"The official business consultants are busy so I got this mission to take some of their appointments. Rude, Tseng and Elena are doing it too," Reno explained. 

Cloud sighed in frustration. The Turks' way of doing business was far from lawful and he really couldn't imagine them as business consultants. Maybe Tseng and Rude could use their experience being at Shinra as a way to gain business knowledge, and Elena had been in the company for less time but she must have picked up a few things by now. Reno however, no wonder how long he stayed with Shinra, Cloud could never imagine him as a semi-decent business consultant. 

"So," the redhead took a bunch of papers and aligned them perfectly then looked over them, aligning them on the desk again, and finally setting them down in front of him. "How may I help you?" 

If Cloud was feeling lost and annoyed before, and above all ripped off, because the business consultant fee was rather high and paid on advance with no returns, now he really felt like he was about to have a breakdown. The papers Reno had been organizing and looking at were completely empty. The fact was obvious, but apparently missed by Reno. Thus Cloud couldn't help it but to point it out, "Reno, those papers are blank." 

"I know; it's just that all the desk job people always organize papers like that and look over them before asking how they can help, so I thought it would help me get into the part." Reno's explanation didn't make Cloud feel any better about entrusting his business to the Turk. 

"I would feel better if I had someone else as my business consultant," Cloud pouted and crossed his arms. He should have known coming to Shinra for any reason would turn out to be a bad idea. 

"I'm the only one handling this kind of requests," Reno grumbled as if he had just remembered that he was upset about the kind of requests he was assigned to work on. 

Cloud had to ask. "What do you mean this kind of requests?" 

"Requests marked as UI; that stands for unimportant. It's not fair, why don't they trust me with the important stuff? Even the rookie got better business consultant requests than me!" Now it was Reno's turn to pout in frustration. 

"How do you think that makes me feel? They marked my business concerns as unimportant and handed them to you of all people! I have very important questions about expanding the business, with all the deliveries I've been doing lately." Cloud did not mention that those deliveries came due to the publicity generated thanks to a series of Turk-caused public humiliations for Cloud. The delivery boy had blocked out those memories and convinced himself that he was getting more delivery requests because he was doing a good job. 

"I'm out of here, forget the mission. I know Tifa runs the Seventh Heaven as a restaurant at this hour, but do you think she'll open the bar early?" Reno asked. 

Cloud had the same expression of complete frustration remaining on his face and Reno was most unhelpful. "I don't know, maybe she will if you promise to buy a lot. I need to get back to work, but I'm so frustrated right now..." Cloud reached for his sword, as if decapitating someone would make him feel better. 

"Hold on, this isn't my fault. I wasn't the one who classified the appointments and gave your request the unimportant stamp," Reno defended. "Besides, if you really don't feel like working, don't. Maybe I'll head to Costa Del Sol for the afternoon instead, the bars there are open all day anyway. Want a ride on the chopper?" 

The invitation was unexpected and Cloud was unsure. "I don't know, I was supposed to get back to work after talking to the business consultant, but that's not happening, so I should get back to work right away." Or maybe he should go hunt down whoever labeled his business as unimportant. 

"Hey relax; you shouldn't take life so seriously," it was advice that Reno followed very well. "The beach waits for no one, I'm out of here." 

Cloud mused over the situation and finally followed after Reno, "wait up, I'm coming too!" Thus it was proven that Reno can corrupt just about anyone. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 56: Success! Or Maybe Not? 

"It worked!" Reno happily cheered. 

Yuffie's constant "Yay! Yay! Yay!" filled the air as the ninja hopped around in pure bliss. 

"It really worked this time!" Elena wiped away a tear and sighed happily, staying close to Tseng. 

The Turk leader wrapped his arms around Elena, "he finally did it." 

Yes, it was true, or so it seemed, Cloud had finally done it, he confessed his feelings for Tifa, and the Turks caught it all on video. 

Rude, the designated camera man, replayed the video on the digital camera's little screen for everyone to relive the glorious moment. This was not only a victory for Cloud but for the Turks as well, since they had worked so hard to push Cloud into confessing his feelings. If Rude was sad that he had to watch his crush be stolen away while he could only record the event, he hid it very well and remained quiet and composed as he had always been. 

In the small high definition screen, the image of a man with spiky blond hair came into view. He was speaking to a woman with long black hair who was facing away from both him and the camera. "I've been meaning to tell you this for a long time..." Cloud didn't even give her the chance to turn around before he finally spilled his heart out, summarizing his longtime bottled up feelings in three little words, "I love you!" 

The recording then replayed the sounds of the Turks and ninja cheering. The Wutai girl had stolen plenty of gil to fund the missions she sent the Turks on, which consisted on finding ways to push Cloud into confessing his feelings. In truth, the gil was mostly stolen from Cloud himself, but it was for his own good, so Yuffie told herself that he would understand. 

The four Turks and the ninja stood arms in arms, as if the five of them were posing for a victory picture. "Great job, I might not hate Shinra so much anymore, or at least not the Turks." It was saying a lot coming from Yuffie, who had always been, and still was, filled with Wutaian pride. 

"We always finish the mission because we're Turks!" Reno assured; it was just the way things worked. No matter what happened, no matter what hardships and difficulties stood in their way, no matter what they had to go through, or put the world through, the Turks always finished their missions one way or another. 

However, while the Turks and ninja were busy with their early celebration, the color on Cloud's face was drained completely as he stood wide eyed and open mouthed, jaw almost reaching the floor, staring at the woman before him. She had long black hair, that much he knew for sure, her style of clothing was very similar to Tifa's, those were things one could easily tell by looking, but when she turned around it was revealed that she was not Tifa, rather a very pleased stranger. "Me too, I feel the same way, Mr. Hotness!" 

Cloud yelped and dashed up the stairs to hide in his room, while the real Tifa who had witnessed the entire ordeal yelled "Cloud Strife, come back here this instant!" and dashed after him. 

The Turks went silent, Rude grinned mischievously for a split second before regaining his ever present neutral expression, and Yuffie pouted. "I don't like the Turks after all," the ninja huffed. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 57: Piano Problem 

"Why do I always get stuck working with Strife?" Reno's complaints were a bad way for Cloud to start his delivery and an even worse way for Reno to start his mission. They were both currently in Shinra's main lobby in the first floor. 

"I should be the one complaining," Cloud grumbled under his breath, but he knew he had no room to complain. Planet friendly or not, Shinra was still Shinra, and Shinra was a monopoly. Planet Power, right... it was just a name to hide the reputation of the past of Shinra Electric Power. Even so, they supplied oil based electric power and they had plenty of customers to consume it, since the production of coal was decreasing and mako was forbidden. 

Regardless of the past that occurred or the future that awaited; the fact still stood that in the present, Tifa Lockhart carried the debt of overdue electrical bills. For that, Cloud Strife felt guilty because he had certainly been consuming electricity, water and food at Tifa's home, but he had not been contributing as much as he should. Tifa had been kind enough not to kick him out, but she did request his help. If Cloud could deliver Rufus' piano to the top floor of the new Shinra headquarters, then the president would forgive Tifa's debt. 

"Where are the Turks?" Cloud inquired, hoping with all his might that the other Turks were simply late, and that the harsh task of carrying a piano up the stairs did not end up falling upon just the two of them, because the piano didn't fit in the regular elevator and there was no cargo elevator. 

"They can't come, they had to go out on last minute missions," Reno pouted and crossed his arms. "Now I'm stuck helping you with the piano all by myself. You're the delivery boy; you should be doing this on your own!" 

Cloud felt his eye twitch and resisted the urge to try out his sword on Reno; after all, he had recently polished the large blade and did not wish to get it dirty. Besides, there was a certain amount of truth to Reno's words. Cloud was the delivery boy and Rufus was paying more than Cloud would normally charge for one of his deliveries even if it wasn't in gil, but in erasing Tifa's debt which was partly his own. Then again, Cloud wouldn't be crazy enough to accept this kind of delivery in a normal situation. 

The spiky haired blond shook his head and unsheathed his sword causing the redhead Turk to jump into a defensive position, holding his electrorod in front of him, as if to shield himself from the blow of the giant blade. "Relax, I'm not going to kill you, because then I'll have to carry the piano to the top floor on my own." Cloud glanced over at the receptionist who was curiously watching the scene from the front desk. "I'm going to leave this here for a while, okay?" She nodded, while hiding a giggle and he placed his sword against the wall behind her desk. 

"Let's get this over with, I'll go first since I'm probably better at walking backwards," Reno offered, and Cloud agreed without giving it much thought. The Turk was just looking to take the easy way out, since the one at the bottom would have to support most of the weight of the piano while going up the stairs, while the one at the top's main duty would be to navigate. 

However, on the inside Reno was grinning victoriously. His mission: to separate Cloud from his sword, was accomplished and he didn't even have to do anything. Where there is Shinra, there is plotting and where there is a Turk, nothing is what it appears to be. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 58: Piano Avalanche 

Tifa had some overdue electricity bills, which Cloud was unable to help with even if he consumed part of that electricity. Rufus had promised to take care of her debt in exchange for Strife Delivery Service taking a piano to his office. Cloud was in no position to deny the request, which Tifa had already accepted in his name. Thus the delivery boy found himself carrying a piano up the stairs with Reno, because it didn't fit in the elevator. 

The two men carried the piano up the stairs in blissful silence. Cloud felt the full weight of the piano in his arms, but as long as Reno kept his mouth shut, Cloud wouldn't mind carrying all the weight himself. 

"So Strife," Reno cruelly murdered the peaceful silence, "how did you get this piano from the Seventh Heaven all the way to the Shinra lobby anyway? I mean, I saw you carry it in, but you couldn't have carried it all the way, right?" 

"Fenrir, and be quiet," Cloud replied. 

"Fenrir? You mean your motorcycle? Isn't it a bit small for this big piano?" Reno continued speaking, despite Cloud's warning glare. 

"I tied it, and be quiet Reno, you're breaking my concentration." Cloud half growled. 

"Temper, temper," Reno shook his head, leaning on the piano, oh yes, he was actually leaning on the piano, adding his own weight to the weight of the large instrument which, needless to say, was very uncomfortable for Cloud, despite how strong he was. "It would have been a funny image though, seeing you drive around with a huge piano tied to your motorcycle. I bet people pointed and stared when you were on your way here. I wonder if anyone took any pictures, it's too bad I didn't get to see it." 

"Shut up!" The piano slipped out of Cloud's grasp and pushed him back, causing him to fall against the stairs. The pull of gravity made the piano fall on Cloud, harshly pass over him, and continue slipping down the stairs with Reno holding on to it. The Turk climbed on top of the piano, unable to stop its treacherous descent down the stairs, while Cloud desperately called, "Reno, get off the piano and stop it!" 

Reno jumped off the piano, landing on Cloud and pushing him on the stairs again. "Thanks for catching me, I owe you one," Reno got to his feet, seemingly unharmed, and down below, the piano reached the end of the stairs with a loud destructive crash. 

Cloud's back was killing him, and Tifa would really kill him when she found out that Rufus' piano was destroyed, thus annihilating the deal to erase her electricity bill debt. To top it all up, Cloud would probably have to pay for the ruined piano. "Reno!"

Reno bolted up the stairs at an inhuman speed, with a murderous Cloud dashing after him, ready to rip him apart with his bare hands. The two reached the top floor at record breaking speed, and continued towards Rufus' office. "President!" Reno ran circles around Rufus' desk with an enraged Cloud close behind. "I brought someone who has something to tell you!" 

Reno's second mission had been secretly accomplished, to destroy the piano and have Cloud somehow take part in it, even if it was accidental and unwilling. Now Rufus had Cloud right where he wanted him... 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 59: Piano Trickery 

Rufus was getting dizzy watching the chase around his desk, consisting of Reno running for his life and Cloud trying to take it away. The president cleared his throat and the world seemed to freeze under his icy glare. Both Reno and Cloud could merely turn their heads towards Rufus from the same places where they stood. "Where is my piano?" 

Cloud's stiffness disappeared and his body felt like jelly. Rufus was holding all the cards and Cloud didn't want Tifa, Marlene and Denzel to be left without electricity and who knows what else. "I... he dropped it," Cloud pointed at Reno. 

Reno raised his arms in defense, "I did not! You let it go first!" 

"Enough!" The two bickering men were silenced by the president again. Rufus sighed and massaged his temples. "If only I had a cargo elevator this wouldn't have happened. No matter how many times I tell the World Restoration Organization that Shinra is reformed, they won't believe me. Reeve keeps saying that we don't need cargo elevators if we're only working with managing data; he thinks we're going to hide weapons up here if we're given the means. I even had to hire the carpenters to come up here and build my desk in the office, just so I could have a decent sized desk to work on." More like a gigantic desk, but at least that solved the mystery about how it got there without a cargo elevator. 

"The piano..." Cloud stared at his feet, "and Tifa's electricity bills..." 

"It's alright, even if I was the one who proposed this deal, I fully intended on taking care of those bills. In fact, would you give this envelope to Tifa? It has the receipts that certify that her electricity bills have been fully paid up to date." Rufus stepped around his huge desk and handed the envelope to a shocked Cloud. "Don't worry about the piano; I'll have someone take care of it. Oh, if only Reeve had been more reasonable about the cargo elevator..." Rufus dramatized. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Some time later, at the WRO headquarters, Cloud persuaded Reeve into letting Rufus have a cargo elevator at the new Shinra headquarters. By persuaded I mean he criticized Reeve's cruel mistrust, despite Rufus' acts of kindness which proved that he had changed, while making choking motions that made Reeve feel very threatened and intimidated. 

Cloud would have waved his sword around for effect, but the unfortunate delivery boy found that it was missing. The receptionist testified that it was confiscated in a random security visit from the WRO, while Cloud was battling it out with Reno and the piano on the stairs. "I want my sword back too!" 

"I assure you, I don't know what you're talking about," Reeve truthfully replied. 

Then the door to Reeve's office was opened and two men walked in, carrying a large sword together with great effort. "Mr. Tuesti, where do you want us to put this?" 

Cloud glared daggers at Reeve and grabbed his sword. "I thought we were on the same side! I thought you really wanted to help the planet!" He was having a horrible day and finally snapped in an emotional breakdown. "Are you just searching for power?" Cloud yelled. 

"No, of course not! I'm sure this is just a misunderstanding! The cargo elevator... consider it done. In fact, we will not only authorize it, but the WRO will also finance its construction as well!" Reeve pleaded. 

"Fine, just make sure you don't go back on your word," Cloud stomped out of Reeve's office and left the WRO headquarters. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Later, Rufus was at his office when he received a call from Cloud. "Is that so? Then you were able to reason with him? Wonderful, I commend you on your skills as a negotiator. No problem; don't worry about that, and thank you." Rufus hung up with a wide grin on his face. "Reno, you can tell the Junon division we will be ready to receive the new shipment as soon as the cargo elevator is complete." 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Meanwhile, at the WRO's headquarters, Reeve had calmed down enough to demand an explanation from the two employees that brought in the sword. 

"He said it was an antique decoration for your office, a gift," one of the employees stammered. 

"Who said that?" Reeve asked. 

"The man who brought the sword, we don't know his name," the other employee replied. "It was a bald man wearing a suit and sunglasses." 

Reeve twitched, they had been deceived. "Tricky Shinra..." 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 60: Missing 

"He didn't deliver it?" Tifa's statement was full of worry, as if the item to be delivered would decide the fate of the entire world. 

"No, and if I don't receive it soon..." Vincent looked at his golden claw; it was already starting to lose its shine and he needed more polish. 

"Cloud was happy with how well his delivery business has been doing lately. He wouldn't miss out on a delivery. Do you think something happened to him?" Cloud was strong, as strong as a first class soldier, even if he was never officially ranked as one. But Tifa still worried about him, what if that business consultant Cloud went to see at Shinra said something mean that threw him into another depression? "Poor Cloud..." 

"Shall we search for him?" Vincent asked, Cloud had his polish and he couldn't wait for it any longer. 

"Yes, I'll close the Seventh Heaven for now and search too." So it was done, Tifa and Vincent searched for Cloud all over Midgar. 

While time passed and their search remained fruitless, their worries increased. They also requested the help of their friends but none had seen the delivery boy recently. Finally, Tifa made the choice to hire the Turks for an emergency mission. 

"I see..." Tseng paused to give the situation some thought. The emergency request was welcomed, since that would mean he could take a break from working as a business consultant and get back into the action. 

"What about my ranch?" The chocobo rancher asked. Truthfully, he didn't understand anything Tseng said anyway. It wasn't that the Turk leader spoke in particularly complex terms, the rancher was simply outdated. 

"Just keep doing what you've been doing so far." It was terrible advice and Tseng knew it, but he also knew that the rancher would continue to do so even if he was strongly advised against it. 

Once the chocobo rancher was gone, Tseng called the other Turks for an emergency meeting and realized that one of them was missing. "Where's Reno?" 

Rude and Elena did not have an answer for that question and Tifa frowned, because if Reno was missing, then that was reason enough to believe he was to blame. When in doubt, blame Reno, because most, if not all the time, you'll be right. 

Thanks to the tracking device on Reno's PHS, finding him was easy, and they also found Cloud in Costa del Sol. Both Cloud and Reno were badly sunburned and in pain, but that didn't save Reno from being scolded by Tseng. 

Tifa however, was far more forgiving to Cloud, "I'm glad you're alright!" 

Tifa gave Cloud a hug which he would have loved if he wasn't so sunburned. "Ow! Don't do that!" Cloud jumped away from Tifa and saw her upset expression when her affection was apparently rejected. "Tifa, I..." 

"Fine, be that way you ingrate!" Tifa fumed and stomped away muttering something about ungrateful idiots. 

Meanwhile, Vincent stood to the side looking upset and feeling ignored. "What about my polish?" 

To be Continued

Missions 51 was inspired by les yeux sans visage who asked what happened to Reno's stalker. Mission 52's concept is from by Rei Mumei. The girl who wanted Reno as her present in Mission 54 is the body of thoughts made from the love of all the Reno fan girls. The sister of the Reno fan girl body of thoughts is a similar being, but she was made from the thoughts of the fan girls of a different bishounen. The idea for Mission 54 came from a conversation I had with Snow. Mission 56 was requested by xOx-Just-Like-Yesterday-xOx. The Costa del Sol saga includes Mission 55 and Mission 60, requested by Sharem. I also credit Sharem for the term "sleep-killing" used on Mission 51. The piano saga was inspired by kikofreako.


	7. Chapter 7

Missions: Report VII 

Mission 61: Green 

He heard about it but he took it literally, it was something Reno would do. Green this, green that, Reno didn't particularly like the color green, he didn't know anyone who did, as even the rich Rufus Shinra preferred gold. Reno liked the bright and cheerful red, like his hair, Elena liked pastel colors such as sky blue and soft yellow, Tseng liked the business-like navy and Rude liked the dark and mysterious black, like his shades. None of them particularly liked green. 

Who would like green? Maybe emerald, but to call it that would make it sound elegant. Emerald is not the same as green, emerald is a jewel and green is the color of one's face when one is sick. Green is the color that left the area around Midgar and caused so much trouble because Avalanche wanted it back, green is... Wait, that's it! 

Reno jumped from his desk at the Turks' office, causing the other Turks to glance at him with half interest for a brief moment before going back to their respective paperwork. Little did they know that Reno had reached a conclusion in his philosophical musings about the color green and its implications. He concluded that, despite the color not being pleasant at all and Reno's personal least favorite, opposite of red; Avalanche liked the color. Thus he concluded that even if she was not seen wearing it, Tifa liked green as well. 

As Reno bolted out of the Turks' office and, too tired of his antics, no one bothered to stop him, the mischievous redhead never thought that maybe, just maybe, the entire thing about green this and green that was a metaphor not to be taken literally. Thus, he continued to take it literally and take matters into his own hands. It was for the best, Reno honestly thought it was. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Reno entered the Seventh Heaven with a mischievous look that warned Tifa of the coming trouble. "Reno, what are you planning?" 

"I'm so cool," Reno grinned ear to ear. "I have a ton of fan girls too!" 

Tifa rolled her eyes, "well I'm glad somebody's self-esteem is doing well, too bad I can't say the same for Cloud." 

"They like the red hair," Reno stated, and Tifa gave him a blank look, the Turk was being more random than usual. Then Reno elaborated, "the fan girls, they like it." 

"That's nice," Tifa wasn't sure where Reno was going with this conversation. 

"Hey Tifa, don't you think Cloud and I are like opposites?" This was the moment of truth, the time to confirm his theory. 

"Yes, and that's just the way I like it," Tifa replied. 

"I thought so, and you like that green stuff the WRO keeps talking about too?" Reno asked. 

Tifa nodded, "I think it's a great initiative to help preserve the environment." 

"Got it!" Reno dashed up the stairs. "I'm going to help Cloud be the opposite of me!"

Tifa blinked, "the opposite?" But Cloud was already the opposite of Reno, he was currently sad and quiet while Reno was loud and cheerful. 

A few minutes passed and Tifa decided it was time to drag Reno back down stairs. Even if he wasn't trying to influence Cloud to be like him this time, this was Reno and he always caused trouble. 

Later, after Reno left the Seventh Heaven, everything continued at peace and Tifa thought she had stopped any possible disasters from happening, but she was wrong. In those few minutes that Reno was upstairs unsupervised, he had already set his plan into motion. 

The opposite of red was green, and by the power of shampoo, Cloud would really become the opposite of Reno. Then maybe, just maybe, Tifa would like him more and confess her feelings instead of waiting for Cloud to do so. It was all for the best, a good deed well done. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 62: Competition 

Cloud pouted and glared at Rufus, but the pretty president remained unfazed, he was used to the usual glares and stares. Admittedly, it was the loving stares that scared him, since those usually came accompanied by the dark intentions of a fan girl who wanted to kidnap Rufus and do who knows what; he didn't want to find out. Fortunately, there were no fan girl stalkers in the area, but unfortunately there was one very upset Cloud Strife. 

"Your evil is rubbing off on Tifa," Cloud observed. Reno was a regular customer at the Seventh Heaven for a number of obvious reasons. He ended up bringing Rude, Tseng and Elena to become regular customers as well. 

Later even Rufus became curious, and though at first reluctant, he too started visiting the Seventh Heaven more often, usually in disguise. But even when he wore that onyx wig, there was still a special shine to it that could only be found in the hair of Rufus Shinra, even when it was not his own natural gold. To Cloud's comment, Rufus replied by simply running his fingers through his natural hair, since there was no need to disguise himself given that they were upstairs and away from prying eyes, and smiling confidently as if silently communicating that he always got what he wanted. Sadly, Cloud knew it was true. 

Cloud looked horrified all of a sudden. "Stay away from Tifa!" He wailed, "you're trying to steal her away aren't you?" 

"What are you talking about? I'm just being friendly," Rufus tried to clarify, but Cloud wasn't buying it. 

Then Tseng placed his hand on Cloud's shoulder and shook his head. "With Avalanche fading into memories, Tifa does not currently possess a position that could influence the city and benefit Rufus. Therefore, he has no reason to attempt to use her, and thus will not try to date her." 

Cloud looked relived and Rufus pouted. "You're making it sound as if I would only date someone for a benefit, as if I'm some kind of-" 

"There are children in the room," Tifa decided it was about time to speak up. There were indeed two kids in the room, Marlene and Denzel. The others who were present included Rufus, Cloud, Tifa, Tseng, Elena, Reno and Rude. It should be noted that Tifa had kindly given Reno a huge piece of bubblegum which was currently keeping him quiet, save for the sound of chewing. 

"I'm just saving your life..." Tseng pointed out. 

Rufus decided not to dignify the Turk leader with an answer and simply looked away and ran his fingers through his hair again as he always did. 

"I really don't think this is evil," Tifa tried to explain. "It's for your own good and Rufus has generously offered to provide the materials. We're only trying to help you, Cloud." Tifa smiled and looked at Cloud's unsure expression, feeling a little guilty, but then she eyed the DDR equipment and decided that she didn't feel guilty anymore. "Playing DDR will help you relax and let out all your tensions," and Rufus so kindly provided the machine, though his intentions were obviously to be amused by watching Cloud jump around. "Shall we begin; Rude has already volunteered to be your first opponent." 

Rude and Cloud locked eyes with challenging stares like two skilled samurai ready to fight to the death. With the prize of impressing Tifa, the two men took their positions in the DDR pads and the battle began. 

In the end, as the DDR tournament progressed, Cloud defeated one opponent after another, except for Tifa, because no one ever beat Tifa at DDR. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 63: Marble Distress 

Never before had Reno thought he would bring this upon himself. He had actually volunteered to help Cloud with one of his deliveries and he didn't regret it, at least not yet. Cloud had received a delivery request to take a block of marble to Vincent. Obviously such a delivery would be challenging at best, and a joke from Reno at worse. Cloud assumed the latter, told Tifa, which in retrospect did make him look wimpy as Reno foolishly pointed out, and the redhead was cornered in the Seventh Heaven and accused. 

However, a lucky call revealed that Vincent did order the block of marble and it wasn't just Reno playing a joke on Cloud in his name. Thus the adventure of Reno and Cloud delivering marble to Vincent began. 

"If we put the marble in a helicopter, the delivery will be much faster and easier." Cloud's line of thought was logical and convenient. The marble block was large enough to sculpt a life size statue of a person, and thus it would be uncomfortable to carry it on Fenrir. Cloud had carried large deliveries on his motorcycle before, such as a piano, but it was difficult to keep it balanced and it made people stare. 

"No can do," Reno shook his head. "It's too heavy and the chopper won't take off." 

"I think it will still be able to take off. I know Shinra helicopters are made to be able to carry heavy artillery, even heavier than this block of marble." Cloud tried to defend his point but deep down, he knew he wasn't getting any real help from Reno. 

"Rufus would kill me?" Reno threw out another excuse. 

Cloud pouted, "you're not being helpful at all!" In the end he tied the marble to Fenrir and prepared to be on his way. 

"I'll follow you from the sky and... navigate... so you don't get lost... yeah." In truth, Reno just wanted a bird's eye view of the fun, because this was Cloud Strife he was watching, and things always went wrong for him. Reno wanted to catch a good video of the action. 

"No, you're coming with me," without giving Reno any room to protest, literally, Cloud hopped on Fenrir and pulled Reno on to sit behind him, squished between Cloud's back and the block of marble that was tied to Fenrir. Thankfully, Cloud had removed his sword and placed it on Fenrir's carrying space so that was one uncomfortable danger Reno avoided, but of course, he was still uncomfortable. 

Cloud wisely decided to avoid the heavy traffic roads, which led him to take a little known unpaved shortcut through the wastelands with the sand annoyingly blowing in the air and sticking to everything. 

"Do you know how long it will take to get this sand off my hair?" Reno complained, he had his goggles over his eyes now, as did Cloud for protection against the sand. "If my hair isn't shiny and cool the fangirls will be disappointed! I can't do that to them." 

"If you don't keep quiet they'll be more disappointed because you'll be dead," Cloud warned. 

A few minutes passed in silence. Though Reno couldn't see it from his position pressed against Cloud's back and with the marble block pressed against his back, the delivery boy's eyes had started glowing with intense mako. It was one of those times when Cloud's memories surfaced on their own and could not be pushed away. Thunder echoed and the skies turned dark, signaling the coming of rain. Zack Fair had joined the life stream in scenery like this one. All of this combined was too much for Cloud and he lost control of Fenrir, sliding down a hill of loose sand and into a natural sandy pitfall. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Reno was known to be a troublemaker. Ever since he was little it had been that way. Later, when he was a teenager he found his way to Shinra along side his best friend Rude and through a series of events that Reno would remember as fun, Rude would refer to as disorganized but necessary, and others would simply call chaotic, they ended up joining the Turks. 

Reno had been on many dangerous missions with the Turks, everything from infiltration, to sabotage, to kidnapping and even the elimination of certain obstacles. That was what the Turks did, to put it negatively. It was a job that not everyone could handle, but Reno certainly could. 

Reno liked to think of himself as fearless and strong, though others would call him rash and cocky. Somehow, the Turks always finished their missions, because they're Turks and that's what they do. One way or another, they make things work. 

However, Reno could never foresee what was to occur. He thought he could get a laugh out of accompanying Cloud on his delivery. Reno's mission was to help deliver a block of marble to Vincent for sculpting purposes, or at least that's what his mission officially was. In truth, Reno's real mission was simply to have fun at Cloud's account. But after taking a shortcut riding on Fenrir through the wasteland to avoid the heavy traffic of the highway and the curious stares at the large block of marble tied to the motorcycle, Cloud had become distracted with a sad memory linked to his dear friend Zack Fair, and lost control of Fenrir, trapping both himself and Reno in a natural pitfall. 

Reno was trapped, in pain, beaten and bruised. He narrowly escaped being crushed by the block of marble or Fenrir, but currently he faced a fate that was perhaps more frightening than the possibility of being sent to the life stream a few years too early, consoling Cloud Strife. 

"Stop that!" Reno pouted and got to his feet, dusting himself off as best as he could. "You big baby..." 

Cloud only cried harder, which made Reno wonder how in the world did Tifa maintain her sanity if she had to deal with these episodes. 

"Alright, alright, don't cry!" Reno was at a loss for what to do. He mentally told himself to get things together and deal with this. "Don't give up?" Reno attempted to give Cloud some kind words, though they sounded unsure. 

Then Cloud miraculously stopped crying and in a split second pushed Fenrir, along with the block of marble out of the pitfall. "Come on!" He extended his hand to help Reno out. 

Surprised and unsure, Reno accepted the help and after getting back on the path asked, "how did you do that?" 

"I remembered Zack and was sad because I miss him, we were always great friends. But then you told me not to give up and I remembered Zack always used to tell me that so I didn't give up!" 

Reno nodded slowly. Cloud just had one of the fastest and most drastic mood swings he had ever seen, and people dared to say Reno was random. 

On the bright side, Cloud and Reno did manage to deliver the block of marble to Vincent without too many additional difficulties, though Vincent did wonder why they were covered in sand. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 64: Dancing Pains 

"Tell me again how this will make the world a better place?" Rufus requested. 

With a deep sigh and practiced patience, Tseng repeated his monologue, "Shinra has promised to give people what they want and help them to reach a better future in happiness and prosperity. This means that if they want this, admittedly ridiculous form of fan service, they must get it. Besides, I honestly don't think it's so bad, just absurd." Tseng spoke these words with a perfectly composed expression, while Rufus nodded like a bobble head. 

"Yes, yes, I see. Just a moment then, there is some very important business I need to attend to." With that announcement, and the silent promise of some extra difficulties for the Turks, Rufus walked into the conference room at the Shinra Headquarters. The room held the members of the press who would follow the selected contestants to the Gold Saucer where a Dance Dance Revolution contest would take place, to be broadcasted world wide. Rufus was terrible at the game and always tripped over his own feet. 

The young president reasoned that if he was going to trip, he might as well do it without music and with as few witnesses as possible, other than those needed to assert that he did in fact trip. Thus Rufus faked his fall, though he tried to do it so realistically he lost his balance and truly fell into a sitting position on the floor, thanking every entity for the thickness of the carpet, nevertheless it still hurt. 

"Oh, my ankle!" Rufus screamed in feigned agony. "It's broken!" 

That is the story of how Tseng, Leader of the Turks, well known workaholic, and loyal babysitter of Rufus' every whim, ended up carrying the supposedly injured president to the infirmary, to be given lollipops by a pretty nurse, while the doctor wrote his dramatic verdict about poor Rufus' terrible, though in reality non-existent, injury. 

Because of this, Reno and Rude were chosen as Rufus' replacements at the DDR contest against Cloud Strife, who was said to have been trained by the DDR legend herself, Tifa Lockhart. Needless to say, Reno was certainly energetic about it, as he was about everything. 

When the time of the contest came, a solemn, yet perfectly groomed, as usual, Rufus watched from a wheelchair, taking the extend of his fake injury to the extremes, claiming that he could not walk due to the pain of his broken ankle. But he was given vast credit for at least showing up anyway. It wouldn't be the first time he faked a major injury, but people couldn't help it but to feel sorry for the pretty boy whenever he wanted them to. 

Cloud danced to the beat of the music, capturing the attention of some of the female audience, while many others were focused on Reno. All male eyes were on Tifa, who cheered for Cloud by dancing on the sidelines. She thought she could help Cloud by showing him how it's done, but she succeeded in dooming her DDR padawan by distracting him and making him miss the arrows on the screen, while he stared at her, and glared at all the men looking at her. 

However, the DDR duel took an unexpected turn when Reno, who was moving out of rhythm but moving a lot and very fast, tripped over his own feet and actually did twist his ankle, thus being forced to forfeit the match, with Cloud winning by default.

Next up came Rude, to take Reno's place in the next round. Rude was the man with the seemingly stiff posture, expressionless face, and rarely heard voice, so Cloud thought he had this won. Yet somehow, though Rude's face was devoid of the evidence of effort, the bald Turk never missed a single arrow, which frustrated Cloud, who was trying so hard. 

With Tifa forgotten due to the strong battle vibes of rivalry coming from Cloud and Rude, the entire crowd focused on them, save for a few girls who were still more concerned with Rufus or Reno; but both Cloud and Rude had their fair share of admirers. 

Cloud pushed on, willing his feet to move faster and more precisely, but his effort could not match Rude's skill. Effortlessly, Rude continued to carry out the song to perfection, while Cloud became clumsy by frustration, even with his nearly limitless Soldier energy. 

Then it happened, both men missed their steps, trying to move faster than they could control. They tripped over their own feet and let out unanimous yelps of pain as they both gained matching twisted ankles. It was especially shocking for Rude, since his voice was rarely heard. 

Rude regained his composure and limped away quietly, while Cloud made childish pouty-faces and was consoled by Tifa. Consequently, the DDR competition ended without a winner. 

The moral of the story is that for every injury Rufus gets away with faking, the Turks, and sometimes Cloud, have to take it. But then, that's not as much of a moral, as it is a well known fact. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 65: Poison 

He had very good reasons to suspect and among those reasons was Cloud Strife, though given the situation, Tifa was the most likely suspect, after all, she had all the chances in the world to do this, though she lacked the motivation. Cloud on the other hand, as much as Reno denied it, had every right to be mad and could have sabotaged the drink made by Tifa. Why didn't Tifa bring it to the counter herself? 

Poison couldn't be part of the situation, could it?. Cloud carried the glass the short distance, just a few steps away, because Tifa was busy making the next drink. Even so, Reno was sure that in the short time Cloud blocked the view of the glass with his body, anything could have happened, he could have slipped something lethal into the drink. 

It was a seemingly easy mission for Reno and Rude. All they had to do was try Tifa's new menu of drinks and tell her which they liked best. Cloud didn't understand why Tifa would hire the Turks to do something they would do for free, but she said something about showing her support to the reformed Shinra. 

As Reno's thoughts returned to the possible attempt of poisoning before him, he realized there were other points to consider. Even if Cloud had the motivation for the crime and the means to commit his revenge, there was still the fact that Tifa was involved. However, it would be obvious Cloud was the real culprit and Reno wouldn't put it past him to openly admit it. Tifa would be off the case and regardless of what Shinra may do to avenge Reno, Cloud's revenge would have been served. 

Sure this wasn't the only means available to the spiky haired blond, but it was the most effective. Cloud could start an all out battle with Reno, but the Turk had endurance, speed and a few tricks of his own, there was no way Cloud could finish him off on time before someone interfered and stopped the fight. Poison was the easiest way. 

The redhead continued to deliberate while the glasses piled on the counter in front of him. He could feel Rude's confused stare as if wondering why Reno didn't touch any of the glasses in front of him, even if Rude was consuming his samples as fast as they came. 

Picking up the first drink Cloud had brought, Reno looked at the glass dubiously. "Think they're trying to poison me?" Rude shook his head and Reno decided to be brave. He drained his glass in one gulp and immediately regretted it. "Ugh, yuck!" He swallowed with some difficulty. 

Tifa looked surprised and a little hurt, "you don't like it?" 

Reno shook his head, "it's not your fault, Tifa," he glared at Cloud. 

"No, it's alright, you can be honest with me, I really appreciate the constructive criticism." Tifa looked determined, "I'll try harder, I'll definitely make a much better drink. I'll study new recipes all day today and mix more drinks!" 

"All day? What about our date?" Cloud complained. 

"I'm sorry Cloud, why don't you go out by yourself, since you already took the day off? I need to do what's best for the business and be ready," Tifa had decided and wouldn't change her mind. 

"It's not your fault; I put pepper in Reno's drink to get back at him. Don't cancel our date!" Cloud confessed. 

"You don't have to make up a story to make me feel better," Tifa insisted, "like I said, I appreciate constructive criticism and I made up my mind." 

"I'll stay here with you..." Cloud sighed in defeat while Reno was relived to find out he wasn't poisoned after all. 

"Absolutely not, I don't want you to waste your day off watching me read recipes and mix drinks, you're going out and having fun," Tifa ordered. 

Cloud frowned; he knew there was no arguing with Tifa. Not only did their date get cancelled, but he was kicked out of the Seventh Heaven while Tifa spent time making drinks for Reno and Rude. Karma was never on Cloud's side. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 66: Mystery Box 

Reno dashed towards the elevator, dodging bullets, he didn't know what was in the box he held, but he knew it had to be important. The elevator doors opened revealing Elena, but Reno was still too far to get in and Barret was catching up. "Elena! Take this to Rufus!" He threw the box. 

Elena was surprised but caught the box nonetheless and in a rush of Turk instinct, she punched the elevator button to go up and the glass case rose. 

Barret shot at the glass, but it had been fortified and made bulletproof. While Barret tried his luck with the glass, Reno dashed towards the stairs. Barret chased after him, resolving that Elena would probably disable the elevators or arrange an ambush if he tried to take them. 

As the gun arm man rushed up the stairs, cursing the redhead's speed, Reno crawled out from under the stairs grinning. He rushed to take the elevator to the final floor to wait for Barret. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

"Sir, we have no time for this! Avalanche is invading us!" Elena yelled as she punched and kicked Rufus' office door to no avail. 

"I said I won't be seen like this!" Rufus yelled from inside the sealed office. 

"Sir, be reasonable, Elena is-" Tseng was interrupted; he was in the office with Rufus and Rude. 

"No!" The president shouted. 

Reno arrived and wondered what this was about. Elena saw him and tossed the box at him. "Rufus says he doesn't want women to see him in that state, whatever that means." Then she announced, "Open the door, Reno is going in, I won't look." 

Reno didn't know what this was about, but before entering the office, he warned, "Mr. Gun Arm is coming up the stairs," and went into the office where Rufus, Tseng and Rude were. 

"Do I fight him alone?" The door to the president's office had already closed. "Fine, I'm a Turk, I can handle him." Elena adjusted her gloves, put on her shiny new knuckles and prepared the battle field by setting up a trap, she froze the last few steps and waited. 

Barret came running up and slipped, letting out a mighty yelp and a few stray bullets. Elena jumped on the fallen Barret, his spine pressing painfully against the stairs. She threw a wave of ice at him, freezing him up to the neck. She secured one foot over his frozen gun arm just in case and swiftly punched him repeatedly on the face. 

After Barret was beaten to unconsciousness, Elena pulled out a screwdriver from her jacket, a Turk was always prepared. She chiseled the gun arm out of the ice, then proceeded to take it apart, leaving him with only a metal stub. Whenever Barret showed signs of waking up during the process, Elena would beat him into unconsciousness again. 

Finally, Rufus stepped out of the office, looking perfectly normal and peeked at the door that led to the stairs. "What happened?" 

"It was really funny, he saw me in the city and asked what was in the box, so I said it was a secret and he started chasing me saying it was a secret weapon!" Reno was probably the only one truly amused by the ordeal. 

"You mean I could have just explained it wasn't?" Elena was both shocked and angry.

"Do you know what this will do to Shinra's image? Listen everyone, here's the plan. If Elena gave Barret enough of a concussion to make him forget what happened, we're in the clear. We'll just tell him he fell and we kindly helped him. If he still remembers what's going on when he wakes up, we'll have to take some extra steps. Elena, if anyone asks, tell them he attacked you out of misplaced prejudice towards Turks and try to look scared and defenseless," Rufus instructed. 

Elena nodded, "understood!" She was much smaller than Barret and by appearance easy to overpower, but after the incident in which she was kidnapped by Don Corneo in Wutai, Elena had been training hard to be lethal and she had become a true Turk. 

"Tseng, if it comes down to it, I'm sending you as the ambassador of peace to Strife's group, try to negotiate with them. As far as I know, they are aware of Barret's temper and might believe that he lost it. Elena, you're going with Tseng, try to look like you've been crying and cling to Tseng as if you're scared, you have to convince them you're the victim," Rufus continued his plan. 

"Yes, sir," Tseng was a bit unsure if it would work, but he would try his best. Elena seemed happy with the idea of playing actress with Tseng as her co-star. 

"Rude, you're on guard duty," though it sounded as if Rude would be guarding Rufus, that was not the case as the president soon clarified, "you'll be guarding Reno to make sure he doesn't cause any more trouble." 

"Me?" Reno protested, but Rude decided it was best for all of them if he dragged his partner away from the scene. 

"Places everyone! Get some medics in here, put the gun arm back together, but make sure it doesn't have any ammunition," suddenly his Turks paused and stared at Rufus. "What?" 

"Is that what you didn't want me to see? I get it, you think it's embarrassing enough to be seen that way by other men, you couldn't stand any women seeing that," Elena observed Rufus' hair. 

The president's hair had been normal when he exited the office, but now it spiked in every direction as if it stood up from the force of his brain plotting. Rufus gasped as he realized what was going on and rushed back to his office. The mystery box contained hair gel... but it wasn't his prefered brand. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 67: Communication 

Cloud had specifically requested that the Turk to handle his mission should not be Reno or Rude. Rude had been Cloud's rival for Tifa, thus the blond knew he couldn't trust the other man with this mission. Reno was Reno; he ruined everything so he couldn't be trusted either. 

It was Tseng who first showed up for the mysterious mission, which Cloud was expected to explain. "It's... like... um... you need to... you just have too..." 

Tseng did not understand. Cloud had been muttering incoherently for the past fifteen minutes in the Turks office, currently occupied only by the Turk leader and the delivery boy who insisted he had to explain in private. "Pardon?" 

"Tifa... me... tell... you..." Cloud's face was a brilliant shade of red as he stared at his feet in absolute embarrassment. He couldn't believe he was resorting to this, but he had to, it was the only thing that would work. He had tried to do things the other way around but something always came up and he was getting desperate. 

"I don't understand," Tseng wondered if all the mako in his system was making Cloud's brain come undone. From what Tseng heard, it wouldn't be the first time Cloud was left with an IQ of zero and able to voice only incomplete incoherencies. 

"Me... Tifa... you!" Cloud pushed the words out. 

"Do you want me to call Tifa to come pick you up? Why don't you wait for her in the medical center, I'll escort you there," Tseng offered. 

"No! No! That's not it!" Cloud tried to explain. 

There was a knock on the door followed by Elena's voice, "I finished the report!" 

"Come in Elena and don't let your guard down," Tseng gave Cloud a warning look. 

Elena gave Tseng the aforementioned report, all the while keeping her suspicious eyes on Cloud, "what's wrong with him?" 

"I don't know," Tseng whispered back. "He came here to hire either you or me for a mission, then lost his mind while trying to explain what it was." 

Cloud heard the hushed whispers and pouted, "I'm not insane!" 

"Now Cloud, calm down," Elena spoke gently, "tell us what's wrong, we're only trying to help you," her tone and chosen words only made her sound more suspicious. 

"You-tell-me-Tifa!" Cloud blurted out, his face red like a tomato. 

Elena laughed, "is that all? Don't worry Tseng, he's not crazy, he was just having some trouble communicating. I'll take this mission and don't worry, I'll be casual; Tifa will never know you asked." 

Cloud breathed in relief, "thank you." That was it, it was done, now all he had to do was wait. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Some time later, Cloud was cleaning his room when Tifa stood at the door. "Cloud, can I talk to you?" 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" 

Tifa took a deep breath, "I was talking to someone and I realized how that maybe the only way for us to be able to tell each other how we feel is if I take the first step. Maybe you've tried to tell me before, but maybe you were interrupted. Anyway, lets not put it off, be honest Cloud, do you love me like I love you?" 

"No way, no way!" 

Tifa was both furious and hurt. Elena's guess had been wrong and Tifa also misinterpreted the signs. Without another word, she stormed away. 

Feeling nervous and impatient for Elena to give Tifa the hint that would make her go talk to him, Cloud had occupied himself in cleaning his room. He put on a tiny pair of wireless earphones that were barely visible inside his ears and further hidden by his hair. He tried to focus on the song to calm down, but got a little too caught up with it, singing along with the most unfortunate lyrics at the worse time possible. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 68: Smart 

Reno stood dumb-folded, further proving the point that Rufus had just expressed when he called the Turks to his office that morning. "I'm not stupid!" The denial only made him sound more lacking in the brain department, as anyone who was smart, should not need to point it out. 

Rufus was feeling nice that morning and decided to elaborate, "I know you're not stupid, you have some useful skills," building explosives, finding blackmail, sneaking around, surviving being thrown against walls and off buildings, piloting a vast variety of vehicles, getting drunk on orange juice, among other talents. "The point is people think you look stupid." 

"I look cool!" Reno insisted, "I have fan girls!" Not just fan girls, but also a ghostly stalker, a shape shifter body of thoughts, a being created by the love of his fan girls, far more powerful than any remnant of Sephiroth ever was. It was a scary thought, but also something that filled him with pride. 

"We all do," Rufus reminded, though clearly he was less happy about it than Reno, as the distraction sometimes became annoying to his work, while Reno welcomed all distractions during work. 

"I have fan boys," Elena grinned, the discovery had been truly amazing to her as she had been feeling ignored among the Turks, but she soon realized that perhaps it was not so unique after all, "but I guess you all do too." 

The four men in the office cringed, "there's no need to discuss this," Rufus half growled, he didn't need to remember the fan boys. "Anyway, the point is that for the sake of public relations I'm giving all of you the mission to make Reno look smart; that is all, you are dismissed." 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Tseng, being the leader, decided to give the issue the first attempt. He made Reno sit down at the Turks office and began to brush his hair. Of course Reno didn't sit still, so he had Rude hold him in place. "Some of this... just like that... okay, you're ready!" 

Reno looked in the mirror with a tortured expression. His hair was flat and well brushed, not a single hair out of place. Plus the sticky stuff Tseng put on it made it appear darker instead of the overly bright red that made him stand out. 

"Go walk around the city to show how smart you look," Tseng ordered, despite Reno's complaints, pouts and sad kitten eyes, "that's an order, Reno! Rude, make him go." 

xoxox xox xoxox 

At the end of the day Rufus viewed the results of an online survey, Reno was still thought of as stupid and no one really liked the unidentified new Turk whom they did not believe to be Reno. He couldn't possibly be Reno, his hair wasn't bright enough and his expression was sad and uncomfortable instead of cheery. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Having failed, Tseng stepped aside to allow Rude to give the mission a try on the next day. By then Reno's hair was fixed to his bright messy style and he was feeling much better. 

Rude tried to make Reno appear smart by stopping him from saying anything silly. However, try as he may to get Reno to stay silent, it never lasted long and Reno would always blurt out some random silly comment about something or other. The quiet Turk gave up mid day and allowed the Rookie to give it a shot. 

Elena's idea was simple but classic; she got a pair of glasses and had Reno wear them. They were not nerdy bottle-bottoms, as that would be too excessive, instead the glasses has a classy elegant frame that looked pretty good. The Turks thought that Elena had found the solution to their mission, but then Reno started running into walls and tripping over his own feet. Alas, the glasses were not regular glass as initially assumed, but actually prescription and they did not match Reno's eyes at all.

Elena had apparently found them while cleaning Healin Lodge in an old box labeled 'brother', though no one really knew why Rufus kept such things. She had mistakenly assumed the glasses, despite the box's mysterious label, belonged to Rufus and he had them as a non-prescription accessory, since the Turks knew he didn't really need them. As a result of Reno's clumsiness, despite looking cool, his level of stupidity went up on the public polls. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

The next day happened to be a Sunday and though Tseng wanted to continue the mission until it was done, Reno snuck away. The other Turks, under Tseng's workaholic insistence, tracked Reno down to Rocket Town. 

Puzzled by his location, the Turks observed Reno quietly as he helped Cid with his airship. They knew Reno loved flying, though he wasn't as obvious about it as Cid. They also knew that they had actually become friends due to their mutual interest in flying machines after Shinra and the former Avalanche made peace. What they did not know was that Reno had such a geeky side to him, actually calling the airship parts by their technical names and using terminology that most regular people might not understand at all, while discussing the inner workings of the airship's design. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

When Monday came around, Rufus was surprised by the public opinion survey results many of which labeled Reno as some kind of mechanical and aviation engineering geek. Cid was angry that his airship parts were filmed, while the Turks secretly filmed Reno for the purposes of their mission, but he was assured his copyright would be protected by Shinra and didn't make too much of a fuss after being bribed with some shiny new airship parts. 

None the less, the general public was not happy, Reno was not supposed to be that smart, it didn't make any sense. They feared the contradiction was due to some kind of severe mutation he had kept hidden for years and was finally becoming too unstable to suppress. Surely the redhead Turk would soon become insane and start burning down random little towns all over the planet. 

Resigned to the inevitable failure of their mission, the Turks decided to tell people that the video was a fake, and that the geek talk was a voice-over by a paid actor, because Reno wasn't even smart enough to read those big words from paper. People believed it immediately and calmed down. 

Rufus ultimately canceled the mission, concluding that trying too hard to get approval was not worth it and that unless you want to be labeled as a mutant freak, you should just be yourself. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 69: Air Show 

A connection that leads to friendship can also lead to ruin. One man's treasure is another's trash and two men's misery is the joy of the world. Between the flames, wreckage, festive confetti and arguing of "it's your fault!" and "no, it's your fault!" two men miraculously survive with seemingly harmless scratches that will sting terribly when the first aid arrives to prove that sometimes the cure is worse than the illness. 

"Tiny Bronco II," Cid agonized. 

"Radioactive Cake," Reno joined in. There was a pause in which Reno received odd stares. "What? I can name my airplane whatever I want!" 

Then the agony continued. "Why?!" Cid and Reno cried out in pain, more so for their beloved flying machines than for themselves and outside of the Seventh Heaven, the crowd's cheers roared like cruel barbarians witnessing the public execution of two innocents. 

When Reno began to frequent Rocket Town to help Cid with his airship work, since Reno was also very interested in flying, everyone thought it would end in disaster. However, time passed and things became calmer than ever before. Reno had a hobby to keep him busy under the watchful eye of Cid, which prevented him from causing too much trouble. 

Cid had someone to share his obsession with who didn't know more than him, but knew enough to keep up with some instruction. He had Shera to share his engineering with, but then her geeky rocket scientist side would surface and Cid hated to be corrected, he would much rather learn through trial and error, with him conducting the trials and Reno, the sacrificial guinea-pig, dealing with the consequences of the errors. 

Of course such a lovely friendship was too good to be true and one day Cid and Reno ended up arguing about who was the best pilot, which led to a competition in the air that would go down in history as the best air show ever. They flew above the city of Edge, spun in mid air, made sharp turns and let out a tail of smoke to write in the sky. Albeit many would criticize their spelling and grammar, the crowd was nonetheless very impressed. 

Then they got distracted, absorbed in the joy of flying and their own maneuvers in the sky, off in their own little worlds, thinking that the sky belong to no one else. That's when they lost track of each other and crashed in mid air, both airplanes exploding in a rush of fireworks in the sky. They had been playing to throw out the fireworks along with a load of confetti in the next part of their act, competing for the most impressive display, but the crash detonated them all at once. 

Everyone assumed it was all part of the show and what a show it was. Reno and Cid landed in parachutes among the cheering crowd and the rain of confetti. Shera, Tifa, Cloud, Rufus and the other Turks were among the crowd that gathered in the streets of Edge after the announcement of the greatest air show ever was made on Shinra's television network and website. Reno did not get Rufus' authorization for that, but the show had been a great success so Rufus decided it was for the best. 

The crowd was still cheering loudly as the surviving pilots were taken inside the Seventh Heaven where their multiple scratches were cleaned with stinging disinfectant and bandaged properly. The two men were still mourning their airplanes and blaming each other when Rufus made an announcement, "I expect you to be ready for another show next week," all the witnesses, despite the state the pilots were left in, had loved the show and cheered for Rufus' great idea, expressing their happiness at his sponsorship of the next event. 

Reno and Cid were speechless for a moment before exploding in a fit of complaints, objections, grumbles and whining that turned out to be useless anyway; these people did not understand the sorrowful sacrifice of a personally customized airplane. After all, one man's treasure is another's trash and two men's misery is the joy of the world. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 70: Breaking the Limits 

"Reno, shut up or you'll ruin the picture and for goodness' sake, Cloud smile!" Tifa had suspiciously insisted to take a picture of Reno, Cloud and Rufus together and the three men had no choice but to comply, Rufus strangely easily, Reno without argument, but without stopping his current ramble and Cloud dragging his feet and frowning, he didn't feel photogenic. 

Reno kept quiet for a split second before going on about how Tifa should get his good side, but that it didn't matter too much because he was awesome from any angle. "Reno, shut up!" Rufus scolded, then once the redhead was quiet, this time for just long enough, as the three continued posing for the camera. 

Tifa gave up on making Cloud smile, settling for his pitiful grin and took the picture. "One more," Tifa joined them, handing the camera to Rufus. 

Rufus was about to protest about not appearing in the picture if he was the one taking it, but remembered his mission, having been caught up on looking good for the camera before. This time after the click of the camera there was the click of handcuffs, the sneaky Tifa had handcuffed Reno and Cloud together. Then Rufus announced, "Reno, your mission is to test the limit break theory by staying handcuffed to Cloud for twenty-four hours!" 

"I don't want to be stuck with Mr. Emo for three days!" Reno complained. 

Cloud could only twitch and mutter, "not happening." 

"One day, twenty-four hours is one day," Rufus corrected, feeling kind of sorry for Cloud, but not enough to let go of his amusement. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

It had been only fifteen minutes and Reno and Cloud were already driving each other crazy, Rufus had retreated to the safety of his office, leaving the bribed Tifa in charge of the limit break study. "I can't take it anymore, he's too emo!" Reno pinched Cloud's cheeks and stretched his face up in a weird smile. 

"Stop it!" Cloud tried to push Reno away, forgetting they were handcuffed and was dragged along with the redhead, both of them falling on the floor. 

"Get off, Cloud, you're heavy!" Reno complained, as he and Cloud scrambled to their feet while Tifa laughed. 

"Are you calling me fat?" Cloud glared, now he would have something else to be emo about. A sudden staring contest ensued until Cloud blinked and Reno began to celebrate his victory, while Cloud continued to pout, "I'm going out to make a delivery." 

"Not like this," Reno lifted his hand along with Cloud's, the silver handcuffs still joining their wrists. 

"I have to do something to keep busy, you're driving me insane!" Cloud argued in desperation. 

"No, you're driving me insane!" Reno argued back, while Tifa continued to laugh at their antics, feeling a little cruel, but most of all amused. 

They shoved each other away, dragging the other along until they tried to move away, walking in parallel motions, faster and faster until they ran, throwing childish insults at each other such as chocobo-head and tomato-head. The race continued outside the Seventh Heaven, with Tifa chasing after them, they pushed random people aside, invoking their anger and began to use materia at each other, missing their real target or being caught in the blast and leaving destruction in their path. 

Realizing the situation was out of control, Tifa tried to stop them, but it was too late. However, it seemed that everything would be alright and the destruction would end when Reno clumsily got himself and Cloud trapped inside a pyramid. 

"This is your fault," Cloud grumbled. 

"No, it's your fault!" Reno argued. 

Tifa watched them from outside the pyramid, "I'm not letting you out of there until you're ready to behave and stop destroying things." 

"Fine, be that way, we'll let ourselves out," Reno retorted. 

"How are we going to do that?" Cloud felt helpless and claustrophobic. "I thought the pyramids could only be broken from the outside." 

"You think I don't know how to break out of my own pyramid? Grandpa will let us out." Reno appeared to be sure enough that it would work. 

"Your grandfather?" Cloud questioned, he had never really seen anyone from Reno's family except once catching a glance at Rita when she came to visit Edge one day. She was cheerful, party-loving and looked more like Reno's big sister than his mother. Cloud knew he should stay away, one crazy redhead was already too much. 

"Kind of," Reno grinned as the materia glowed. 

"Ramuh? What will happen if you summon him here?" Cloud doubted that it was a good idea when they were trapped in such close quarters. 

"Guys, I don't like the glow of materia I'm seeing in there," Tifa warned, though when Cloud joined in to release his summons as well, having decided that the possible consequences couldn't be worse than the current situation, she was wise enough to run for cover. 

The pyramid broke in a huge explosion as the summons were released, the full force of their attack being thrown all around, perhaps even stronger due to being compressed in the pyramid and suddenly let out when it broke. Needless to say, they caused a disarray of a disaster zone. In the middle of it all, looking bruised and burned, there stood Reno and Cloud, still handcuffed to each other, but they somehow knew they wouldn't be stuck together for much longer, they had already broken the limits of tolerable destruction. 

To be Continued

Mission 62 was inspired by demonlifehealer. The marble in Mission 63 was requested by Rei Mumei. In Mission 64 the DDR part was inspired by a review from Prisonerksc2-303. Mission 65 was requested by kikofreako, the writing prompt was: Reno looked at the glass dubiously, "think they're trying to poison me?" The concept used in Mission 66 is from a review from demonlifehealer, Rufus' plotting making his hair spike from all the thinking. Mission 67 requested by SugarHoney91, the concept was Tifa telling Cloud how she feels. Mission 68 was requested by Naruta13, to make Reno look smart. The glasses were Lazard's. Mission 69 is for Dragon Reverb, the concept was Reno and Cid doing an air show.


	8. Chapter 8

Missions: Report VIII 

Mission 71: Time Bomb 

It all began with Reno's bright idea and Cloud's stupid acceptance of that bright idea. This was nothing new, as trouble usually begins with one of Reno's ideas. Marlene's birthday had gone very well, though Barret wasn't pleased that Shinra had sent a representative with a gift, that had been Reno's mission. Barret kept a close eye on said gift but later deemed it harmless when he saw it was some kind of model building kit. What could it hurt to piece together toys, even if they were Shinra toys? The man with the gun arm had been going to anger management training at Tifa's insistence and became a little more tolerant of Shinra, though he did it with gritted teeth and angry glares. 

It was the day after Marlene's birthday when Reno was hanging around the Seventh Heaven as he usually did, along with his red chocobo, Blaze. Cloud had no deliveries that day, Tifa was there as well, being the proprietary of the business and Barret had stayed over for an extra day. Marlene and Denzel were upstairs playing with the new toys she got for her birthday. Denzel was thankful Marlene wasn't one of those girly girls who played with dolls or else she would force him to play with her and he didn't want to do that. All the girls around them were a bit tomboyish anyway, so Marlene wasn't a pink princess either. 

Marlene went downstairs to show everyone her creation, a small time bomb she made from the building kit Reno got her for her birthday in the name of Shinra, further upgraded with parts from the expansion packs Reno talked Cloud into getting, assuring that explosives were the perfect gifts for a girl who was becoming a young lady, because women love explosives. "Look what I made!" Marlene held up the round device that ticked suspiciously. 

Denzel didn't know what that thing was; he didn't know what the kit was for because neither of them read the instructions. The device didn't appear to be special, it wasn't a car or airplane or train, just a round thing, yet Marlene assured she had put it together correctly by instinct or something like that, thus Denzel wisely decided to be cautious. 

"How nice," Tifa wondered what the ticking was for and spotted a small display with red numbers. It wasn't the time of the day, but a number counting backwards, perhaps a sort of chronometer. "You see, Barret? I told you everything would be fine, this is a very good gift with intellectual value that encourages creativity." She passed it along for everyone to get the chance to see Marlene's creation, while Barret grumbled quietly and counted to ten. 

Reno examined the time bomb, he knew exactly what it was, "here Cloud, you hold it." 

Cloud didn't like the look in Reno's eyes, he should have known listening to him and giving Marlene that time bomb building kit was a bad idea. "What do I do with it?" 

"Pass it to me," Tifa encouraged, convinced that it was nothing but a harmless hot potato game, maybe the round device would play music when the time ran out, then the one holding it would have to sing along. Tifa received the bomb and passed it to Denzel who had a bad feeling about it and tossed it forward as soon as he got it. 

Barret caught the bomb and it beeped. Marlene ran for cover behind the counter and Denzel followed her, not really knowing why, but he knew it was best not to question his survival instinct. "Take cover!" Reno yelled. Blaze jumped over the counter following Reno while Tifa stood confused until Cloud tackled her behind the counter, she didn't see the explosion that followed, but they all heard it. 

When they peeked out from behind the counter, with Tifa scolding Cloud for being so wild, Barret was letting out a stream of colorful curses, his gun arm was damaged with sparks flying from it as it went haywire and a rain of bullets followed. All those present took cover again, until the ammunition ran out and the crisis passed. 

"Barret, how could you!" Tifa scolded angrily. "We were just joking around; you don't have to be such a sore loser! It was cheating to run away from the hot potato, but you didn't have to overreact like that. You made a mess, the walls are full of holes and you broke Marlene's toy. You should be ashamed of yourself, just be thankful no one got hurt." 

"I didn't do it, this thing blew up on its own!" Barret argued. 

"Nonsense, it's just a toy, it's perfectly safe!" Tifa insisted, scolding and upset. 

"It's from Shinra!" Barret emphasized, frustrated and angry. 

"Cloud made sure it was alright and he even got the expansion packs to match the starter kit, it was a perfectly safe toy, right Cloud?" Cloud nodded his head at Tifa's critical look, unable to utter a single word. He knew that opening his mouth would inevitably lead him to inserting his foot in it. "Barret, I expect you to clean this mess!" Tifa ordered. 

"But my arm isn't working, besides, I'm telling you that thing was a real bomb, it blew up!" Barret complained. 

"That's enough!" Tifa's glare made all those present back away slowly. "You will clean this up and fix the holes in the walls, now!" Defeated, Barret went off to fix the damage, grumbling about the evils of Shinra. Tifa took a deep breath, then tried to look calm so the others would stop looking so frightened, "I'm sorry about your toy, Marlene." 

"That's okay," Marlene wasn't sure what there was to be sorry about, the bomb had worked exactly as it was supposed to. She knew she was being mischievous, but there was a certain rush of satisfaction that came upon getting away with it. 

"I have to go now," Reno decided it was best to leave before someone blamed him for what happened, "come on Blaze, time to go home." 

"I have to go make a delivery," Cloud made up an excuse to leave. 

"I thought you didn't have any deliveries for today, Tifa recalled. 

"I forgot about it, but I just remembered it so I have to go now," Cloud, Reno and Blaze left. 

Tifa watched them exit the Seventh Heaven suspiciously, but she soon shrugged it off and let them be. They were probably running off to bet on the chocobo races or something, Blaze was not only fast but also well trained as a battle chocobo since Reno had been taking him to work with him since he was a chicobo. Reno was banned from the Gold Saucer, but that didn't stop him from sneaking in and entering the races before anyone could stop him. Surely they were just running away from the possibility of being asked to help Barret clean, not that Tifa was planning to do that, it was his mess to fix all by himself. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 72: Delivery Boy 

Cloud lay in bed in his pajamas, light blue adorned with pictures of little clouds. He was blissfully staring at the ceiling, he didn't need to get up today, he had the day off from his deliveries due to having hurt his toes. It was Reno's fault of course; most of Cloud's disasters were Reno's fault. To compensate for the incident, Reno was given the mission to go on Cloud's deliveries, which was harder than it sounded.

xoxox xox xoxox 

"Come in, come in!" Mukki insisted when he saw the new delivery boy. "You're so much more cheerful then Cloudy, don't get me wrong I love Cloudy, but he's always so gloomy." 

"I'm only here to deliver this box," Reno was certain he didn't want to know what was in the box. 

"No, no, you have to come in!" Mukki smiled, looking even creepier in his pink sweat suit, he had apparently been getting ready to start exercising. "Your hair is so red and shiny; you must let me brush it!" 

Reno backed away slowly, he felt sorry for Cloud, if this was his job no wonder he was depressed. Reno was really starting to worry, when a loud "wark!" put Mukki in his place. 

Mukki looked at the big red bird, so brightly colored and festive, but so dangerous and threatening. What if the chocobo pecked his face full of holes? "He doesn't bite, right? Oh those lovely feathers, may I have some to decorate my hair?" 

"Wark!" Blaze spread his wings threateningly, causing Mukki to jump back. 

Relieved that he had his dear chocobo with him, Reno held out a clipboard, "sign here!" 

Mukki took the offered pen with a shaking hand and signed, taking the box and watching as the cute new delivery boy hopped on the fabulous but dangerous red chocobo and dashed away like a run away prince from a fairy tale. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

The next delivery was similar to the first in terms of the client, but quite different in other aspects, while still remaining alike. "I thought I banned you!" Dio was sure he would never be free of the red haired trouble maker running around his Gold Saucer. 

"I'm here to bring a package, that's all," Reno handed Dio the box who signed for it without complaints. "Since I'm here, I might as well have a look around..." 

"No, no, you are banned! The chocobo on the other hand is another story. I watched the last race and let me say I've never seen such a magnificent creature." Dio looked at Blaze with adoration, which caused the chocobo to back away. "The strength, the speed, the endurance, the elegance, this chocobo is special!" 

Dio was in the middle of his speech when Reno hit him on the head with his electro-rod, "stay away from my baby!" Then he hopped on Blaze again and they hurried away. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

"We have one more delivery for today," Reno petted Blaze; he didn't know how he would have survived the day without him. Fearing the worse, Reno jumped off the chocobo in front of the house of the last delivery and rung the doorbell. 

The door was opened by a little old lady who looked harmless, "is that box for me?" 

"Yes it is and I need your autograph right here," the lady signed and received the box. That last delivery was easy so Reno was relieved. 

"You look more cheerful today, Cloud, that's good. Is that the red haired boy who's always picking on you, Reno was it? I knew you two were good friends deep down. How about some cookies?" The old lady offered. 

Reno could not turn down cookies so he happily agreed, not even bothering to clarify that he wasn't Cloud and Blaze wasn't him. The old lady really needed to go to the eye doctor. 

"Have you thought about what I asked you before?" The lady inquired while Reno and Blaze were happily eating cookies. "It would make me so very happy." 

Reno had no idea what the old lady was talking about, but she was the sweet grandmotherly type, whatever she wanted couldn't be bad. "Sure, I'll do it, no problem." 

"You will? Oh thank you, how about we get started on the preparations tomorrow?" The old lady smiled happily. 

"Sounds good to me!" Reno had no idea what he was agreeing to, but it wasn't his problem anyway, tomorrow Cloud would go back to making deliveries. Besides, how much trouble could this be? It was just offering a kind old lady some help; Cloud would have probably done it anyway. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

The next day at the Seventh Heaven, Cloud was about to leave to go on deliveries, his recovery vacation was over. He went down stairs to have some breakfast and was greeted by a newspaper to the face thrown by Tifa, "you have no shame!" 

Cloud examined the news article on the page that collided with his face. It was an announcement proclaiming that a certain rich old lady was engaged to a much younger man by the name of Cloud Strife. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 73: Baby Vincent 

As it always happened with DDR, everyone gets competitive and tries much harder than they would have otherwise. Some make it a duel, such as Cloud and Rude. Others just want to have fun and instead trip over their own feet, like Reno. There are also those who win with ease without trying too hard, like Tifa. Such is the way of the DDR. 

There is also the classic occasion of inevitably dropping something while trying to follow the arrows. The case was not Rude, though it would have been ironic if he dropped his sunglasses then stepped on them while playing DDR, since it was Reno who usually clumsily stepped on Rude's sunglasses. This time instead, the one who dropped something was Vincent of all people. The item, light as a feather, slipped out mysteriously from under his cloak and was blown away by the breeze of the red cloak as Vincent danced. 

The item was a picture which fell at Marlene's feet. She curiously picked it up and returned it to Vincent when he was done with the DDR song, asking loudly and cheerfully, "is this your baby picture?" 

Vincent tried to take the picture immediately, but Tifa's hand shot out first and grabbed it, "let me see! Aw, how cute!" With her announcement the Seventh Heaven, which had been declared the official DDR battle arena, was filled with curiosity and the picture was inevitably passed around, much to Vincent's annoyance. 

Since he knew they wouldn't stop asking, Vincent explained, "I found those pictures in the Shinra Mansion," among some old things that used to belong to his father and were set aside buried under a mountain of other random things long ago. 

"This is the baby I was looking for!" Rufus exclaimed when the picture was passed to him after going through the Turks. The baby's big bright red eyes matched the Shinra logo perfectly and they stood out against the child's ghostly pale skin and long black hair, it was like a black and white picture with one detail in a bright color. 

Everyone was confused and Vincent had to asked, "why would you be looking for my baby picture?" 

"Not yours specifically," Rufus explained, "I was looking for a baby to feature on the ads promoting the new line of Shinra baby toys. This baby will be the new face of Shinra!" Rufus held up the picture proudly. 

Vincent snatched away the picture and hid it in his cloak, "I'm not a baby anymore." 

"You don't need to worry, I'll just have my people recreate a computer generated version of you as a baby, it will be perfectly realistic, I'm sure," Rufus reasoned. This time everyone was in his favor, encouraging Vincent to appear on Shinra's ads. Even Barret, who clearly hated Shinra, decided that it was a good idea so that Vincent could influence them for the better, since it was clear Shinra would never just go away. 

Vincent frowned, in an expression much like an emo Cloud, different from his baby picture where no one could tell if he was pouting or grinning. He knew he was doomed as long as that picture existed, so there was only one thing to do. He retrieved the picture from his cloak along with a lighter, because real men always carry lighters even if they have no use for them, then he burned the picture to ashes. 

Before Tifa decided he needed to be decapitated for the mess. Vincent scooped up the ashes in a napkin and handed it to Rufus, "you may use my baby picture if you wish," he was certain there was no other picture aside from the one that became ashes in existence, so he assumed he was safe. Having his baby picture all over Shinra would be worse than dealing with everyone's complaints about his action anyway. 

Rufus grinned and handed the ashes back to Vincent, "you should keep that one, I already have a copy." Simultaneously Tseng, Elena, Reno and Rude showed their PHS' where Vincent's baby picture was displayed in perfect high definition, in even better quality than it had been on paper. "It's already been sent to the databases at Shinra and we have many secret backups." 

Vincent was about to protest but stopped, he understood he wouldn't be able to win anymore; he too had been a Turk after all. Turks never let an opportunity to gather blackmail slip by and once they have it, there's no stopping them. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 74: Tricky 

"I'll do it!" Yuffie exclaimed at the top of her lungs as she entered the Seventh Heaven. 

Tifa, Reno and Vincent looked towards the new arrival, taking note of her unusual attire. "What are you going to do and why are you dressed like that?" Tifa inquired. 

Before Yuffie could say anything, Reno cut in, "is there a party? Why haven't I been invited? I'm going to crash it if you don't invite me!" Determined, Reno stood up and marched away, he stopped, turned back, finished his drink which had already been paid for, then marched towards the door again. "You just wait; I'll have the best samurai costume in the entire party!" He ran outside. 

Yuffie pouted and crossed her arms indignantly stomping her foot. Her wooden sandal sounded off against the floor, "samurai? I'm a ninja and there's no party!" Reno was already gone and could not hear this. 

"Then why are you dressed like that?" Tifa repeated the question. 

Yuffie was wearing a royal blue kimono with pictures of golden shurikens on it. "I just thought I should wear something special today since it's my first day as a model," Yuffie grinned from ear to ear and posed with one hand behind her head and the other at her waist. 

"Really, you're a model?" Tifa wasn't expecting that, "when did it happen?" 

"Oh you know," Yuffie made her way to the bar and sat down next to the quiet Vincent, "stardom came so fast!" 

Tifa rolled her eyes, "don't let it go to your head." 

Yuffie flipped her hair; she was wearing a big golden bow on her head, to match the one around her waist. "Don't worry, we won't forget all the little people when we're famous, right Vincent?" 

"If you say so," Vincent muttered, he wasn't sure he wanted to be included in the conversation and didn't know why he was being included. 

"Look at him, sitting there getting inspired," Yuffie laughed, "so, when will we be getting started?" 

Tifa looked in confusion between Yuffie and Vincent, the bartender's perplexity matched that of the man in the red cloak. He spoke uncertain, "what do you mean we?" 

"I model, you sculpt, that's how it works," Yuffie reviewed, "I'm the answer to your request. Remember how you needed a model for your sculptures? Well, I'm here!" 

Vincent shook his head, "I don't need a model to base my sculptures on, I need some tools to help model the sculptures," he remembered his innocent request from not too long ago. He had asked Reeve if he had any tools he could borrow, but Reeve sent him to Rufus, who must have passed the mission on to the Turks, who misinterpreted his request. 

"What about my modeling career?" Yuffie dramatized, "my fifteen minutes of fame can't end now, not before they even start!" She pouted indignantly, "just what are you sculpting anyway? What could be better than me?" 

"I promised Cid I would sculpt a rocket for him, in a much smaller size than a real one of course. I also told Nanaki I would sculpt him next, in life size, he wants to put the statue next to Seto," Vincent explained. 

"Can you sculpt me next?" Tifa suddenly chirped. 

"Very well, I will add you to the waiting list" Vincent agreed, "I will sculpt the rocket, Nanaki and then Tifa, after that I will rest." 

Yuffie gritted her teeth in indignation, "what about me?" Before Vincent could answer, she hissed, "fine, be that way, you're probably intimidated because you know there's no way you could capture my true beauty!" She got up and began to leave, "I'm still keeping my payment!" She waved some pictures around; they were of Cloud playing with dolls. 

"I don't want to know," Vincent looked away. 

"It can't be," Tifa gasped in shock as Yuffie left the Seventh Heaven, "I requested a mission for Reno to play dolls with Marlene, I wanted to help Cloud get back at him, but somehow Reno must have tricked Cloud into taking his place and got some blackmail out of it too." 

"Turks are tricky," Vincent simply stated. 

Tifa eyed him suspiciously, "didn't you used to be a Turk?" 

Vincent cleared his throat and tried to change the subject, "so, do you think Reno really believed Yuffie was dressed up for a costume party or was he putting up an act to escape?" 

"I don't know," Tifa replied, "Turks are tricky." 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 75: Prank 

He was terrified and he didn't know it was the work of karma guided by his own hands, but that aside he was very afraid. He had a good reason to fear for his life if he was ever discovered, but he was unaware of it, instead fearing because of something else. 

Reno of the Turks, the resident troublemaker of Edge had done it again; he sabotaged Cloud's shampoo, sneaking upstairs and down again unnoticed. He was surprised to arrive at the Seventh Heaven to see Cloud at the counter, while the delicious scents coming from the kitchen told him that Tifa was there, cooking. 

The delivery boy's hair was just as blond as ever and Reno pouted, impatient for his trick to work. He couldn't have discovered the prank, he would have complained if that was the case. Was it just that Cloud stopped washing his hair? That would be gross. 

Then Tifa exited the kitchen behind the counter, her hair a bright red. Since her hair was black, and black is a stubborn color when it comes to changing, it took a few washes for it to lighten and become red. 

Tifa knew Reno would be insane to try to prank her; he always played jokes on Cloud, but never her. She was the bartender and cook who made his meals and drinks, no one was stupid enough to mess with the person that handled their food, not even Reno. Thus she blamed it on the shampoo; it was a new brand that she was trying for the first time. Even so, it wasn't so bad, her hair looked nice. 

Reno remembered how he once walked into the Seventh Heaven to find Cloud hugging Tifa while calling out his name. He didn't know that Cloud was only complaining to Tifa and found the scene creepy. Terrified Reno ran away, he thought Tifa had dyed her hair red as part of a Reno cosplay to please Cloud. He never once questioned that the sabotaged shampoo bottle belonged to Cloud, he could totally picture him using girly shampoo. 

Tifa found Reno running away to be odd, but assumed he remembered he had something to do. Cloud didn't understand, Tifa had not complained about her hair so he thought she dyed it on purpose. Cloud didn't like it because it was Reno's color, but he didn't say that to Tifa to avoid offending her. 

Reno came to several conclusions that day. One, despite the creepiness of the situation, Tifa looked good as a redhead. Two, Cloud did not wash his hair anymore. Three, Cloud was obsessed with him. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 76: Look 

Reno of the Turks, red hair, goggles, silly grin, hardly ever shuts up. Rude of the Turks, no hair, sunglasses, serious expression, hardly ever speaks. Total opposites, best friends. Unlike Rude, Reno liked pranks, from the silly to the elaborate, though the simple improvised jokes were his favorites. 

"Hey Rude, look behind you, it's a giant lime green moogle!" It was a simple joke as old as time, but Reno could never get Rude to fall for it and look. The redhead pouted as Rude ignored him and continued enjoying his food. The Turks were at the Seventh Heaven where Tifa always welcomed them as her best customers, much to Cloud's annoyance. 

"Give up," Tifa laughed, "no one falls for that kind of joke, unless it's an idiot." 

Cue Cloud, the delivery boy went downstairs with his last box of the day. "I'm going on my last delivery now, I'll be back soon." 

"Okay," Tifa smiled, she had some secret plans. 

"Cloud look out, Sephiroth is right behind you and it looks like he's going to glomp you like a fan girl!" Reno pointed to the empty space behind Cloud. 

Cloud jumped in shock, his expression terrified. He dropped the box, its contents shattering on impact. He drew his sword and prepared to defend himself against... air. "There's nothing here!" 

A collective fit of laughter invaded the Seventh Heaven, "made you look!" Reno choked out his mocking words between laughs, "you fall for it every time!" 

"Sephiroth hugging Cloud is less likely than the giant lime green moogle," Tifa sighed, "I rest my case," Cloud could be rather dense at times. That was the reason why Tifa planned to do something special for Cloud that would let him know beyond the shadow of a doubt that she was interested in him. 

"You!" Cloud turned his rage towards Reno. 

"Cloud!" The delivery boy froze at Tifa's scolding voice. She raised her index finger moving it from side to side in a sign of 'no'. 

Cloud pouted, put away his sword and picked up the box he dropped. He stomped out of the Seventh Heaven angrily. Tifa never took his side when he wanted to kill Reno, life wasn't fair. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

When Cloud returned, Tifa had already put her plan into action. She was wrapped up as a present waiting for Cloud to find her. Unfortunately, she fell asleep in her box, which Cloud mistakenly delivered to Rufus. At least he didn't drop the box, but that also meant Tifa didn't wake up until she was in Rufus' office, with Cloud gone. Tifa stormed out in a fury, Cloud would pay for this. 

Just outside of Rufus' office Rude and Reno were walking down the hall. Tifa exited the office and went in the opposite direction towards the elevator. "Rude look, it's Tifa and she's wrapped up like a present!" Reno pointed. 

Rude paid his partner no mind and kept walking without looking back. 

"I'm serious, she's right there. It's Tifa in gift wrap, look!" Reno tugged on Rude's arm, but the tall man could not be moved. "I'm telling the truth this time, honest!" Rude disappeared down the hall with Reno uselessly trying to drag him in the opposite direction. Instead the redhead was dragged along as Rude walked, unable to make the larger man turn around. Tifa left and Rude never knew what he had missed. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 77: Paintball 

Reno smiled as sweetly as he could and Reeve backed away. He was stressed enough as it was, the last thing he needed was Reno showing up by surprise at his WRO office. "I was thinking," the conversation was off to a bad start. When Reno bothered to think about something it was because he was plotting mischief. "You look really stressed so I thought I should help you relax. The president says I'm not embracing the new Shinra enough. I asked him if hugging the building would be enough, but he didn't sound satisfied." Reno remembered the odd looks he got while attempting to hug the building, his arms outstretched against the wall. "Anyway, I'm doing a good deed here so just go with it. I'm taking you to the shooting range for a game of paintball." 

"No!" Reeve screamed in (rather squeaky) agony. It was too late, Reno had already decided that it would be done. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

The day came and the Turks lined up in their paintball suits at the outdoor shooting range. Tseng was briefing them as if they were about to go into a real battle field. Reeve arrived right on time being carried by Cloud. "Put me down! Have you forgotten what I've done for you, ingrate!" 

Cloud set the frightened Reeve down, "sorry, the Turks paid me to deliver you here. They said they would put me out of business if I refused." His advertisement did say he delivered any kind of cargo. That did not exclude living cargo of the kicking and screaming variety. He really needed to work on a new ad. 

Tseng looked completely serious, "that is our target." He pointed at Reeve, sounding very much like an army general. "Let the battle begin!" Sometimes, you just had to go with the flow. Sometimes, you just had to listen to Reno even if his ideas were a little crazy. It was especially one of those times when the possibility surfaced that Reno had found a new victim. He had someone to bother outside of Shinra and the Turks, for the sake of their own peace and quiet, would support that. 

Frightened beyond belief, Reeve let out a high pitched squeak and dashed away. He didn't even bother to suit up or grab a paintball gun. He knew he wouldn't stand a chance either way. 

"Fire!" Tseng announced, he started sounding more like an executioner than an army general. Cloud jumped aside as Tseng, Reno, Rude and Elena began to shoot paint at their helpless victim. Soon Reeve was coated in red, blue, green and yellow. 

Not daring to risk his life, Cloud took cover behind the equipment shed. It was the only really safe place in the large land of the shooting range. He peeked out and yelled advice, but didn't do much else. He wanted to be safe but couldn't help it but to watch the event unfold. He made a mental note not to get on the Turks' bad side. He knew firsthand how lethal Reno could be with a prank. Getting the Turks mad was a death wish. Perhaps they had been holding back all along. 

The multicolored Reeve crawled away from the merciless Turks. He saw a pair of shoes and looked up to see Rufus Shinra, all geared up for paintball. "You came to save me!" A flicker of hope came and went. 

Rufus grinned, all the frustrations that Reno caused him resurfaced in his memory. Misery loves company. "You know, my weapon of choice is a gun." The last thing Reeve saw before passing out, was a massive storm of black paint. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 78: Turbulence 

"Reno," Elena hissed quietly as she entered the pilot's cabin of Rufus' private jet. "Why are the motion sensor's in the cargo hold going off?" 

Seconds passed and there was no reply. 

"Reno!" Elena called again louder. She listened and realized that Reno was absentmindedly humming something. Annoyed, she pulled one side of the headphones he was wearing, the sound of music escaping, then she let it go. 

"Ow!" Reno complained as the headphone recoiled and collided with his right ear. "What are you doing over here, Elena? Change of plans?" 

"Yes, but not in the flight schedule. Our plans for a peaceful trip have been canceled. We have an intruder in the cargo hall. He's probably out to kill the president. I told you to check the jet but you just had to go to that souvenir shop." 

"Quit whining, why didn't you check the jet yourself?" Reno retorted. 

"Because I was guarding the president!" Elena argued. Reno set the jet to auto pilot and exited the cabin followed by Elena. "Where are you going?" 

"To get rid of the intruder you can't get rid of yourself," Reno replied smugly. 

Elena pouted and glared, "I didn't say I couldn't take care of this myself. I just said that it's your fault it happened!" 

"That still doesn't solve it," Reno pouted in returned and they began a staring contest. 

The contest was broken by loud footsteps, signaling that the intruder was entering the passenger area ready for a fight. Rufus woke up from his in flight nap and yawned loudly. "What's that noise?" 

"Turbulence!" Reno and Elena replied at the same time, their rushed combined voices reaching a high volume. 

Rufus frowned, "you don't have to yell and since when does turbulence make any sound?" 

"It's special turbulence..." Elena smiled innocently while Reno bolted to the end of the hall. 

"What's his problem?" Rufus looked to the end of the hall to see Reno leaning on the door connecting the upper area to the cargo hall below. 

"Exercise," Elena guessed. She tried to find something to distract Rufus with, "um... sir, no offense but your hair is... well, kind of messy." It was not a lie; Rufus' hair had somehow been ruffled out of place while he slept. It was Reno's idea of a stupid joke. 

"It is?" Without a second to waste, Rufus rushed to the bathroom and locked himself in. He examined his hair in the mirror and pulled out several brushes, combs and hair products from a few compartments. 

While Rufus was oblivious, the intruder knocked down the cargo hall door, throwing Reno several feet forward. The redhead scrambled to his feet as the tall and muscular intruder approached. "I'm going to crash this plane with your leader on it," he laughed evilly and dashed like a hundred ton runaway train towards the pilot's cabin. 

"Stop him!" Elena yelled. She and Reno each grabbed one of the big man's large arms, but were easily thrown away. 

"You're not getting away with this!" Reno was the first to recover. He jumped on the man's back, hitting him on the head with his electro-rod repeatedly. The man couldn't get rid of Reno, but he wouldn't get knocked out and kept yelling threats at the 'secret agent' as he referred to Reno. 

"Turn the volume down!" Called Rufus' voice from inside the bathroom. 

The intruder threw Reno off him, but Reno kept jumping back and hitting him repeatedly. "Stubborn secret agent!" The intruder growled grabbing Reno by the neck. 

BANG! The large intruder fell limp as blood flowed from the back of his head. 

"Get him off, get him off, get him off!" Reno struggled to escape from the weight of the corpse that fell on him until he finally managed to crawl out. 

"I... I did it, I stopped the crisis!" Elena cheered. 

Reno curiously looked at the weapon she held. "Is that Tseng's gun? Why do you have it? I knew it you are sleeping together!" 

Elena's face turned tomato red, "what?!" She tried to explain, "It's just that Tseng forgot it at my apartment, that's all. He was there for... work." 

Reno didn't buy the excuses, "a man doesn't trust a woman with his weapon unless he trusts her with his weapon." 

"That was redundant and made no sense," Elena observed. 

"Never mind, let's clean up this mess," Reno concluded. The Turks quickly cleaned up the mess, hid the body and mopped the floor. 

By the time Rufus was done with his hair, everything was back to normal. He sat in his comfy chair calmly. Reno had returned to the pilot's cabin and Elena hovered nearby as if waiting to see if he wanted something. In truth, she wanted to make sure Rufus didn't realize what was going on. "I would like a cocktail... and you should play that movie from before, it sounded good. What was it, some kind of spy movie?" 

Elena smiled innocently, "yes." Thus the flight continued and there was no more turbulence. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 79: Brothers 

"I'm what?" To say Cloud Strife was shocked was the understatement of the century. "That's a lie!" It better be a lie, he desperately needed it to be a lie. "You're lying; you made that up to bother me, you..." He stopped short of breath and leaned back on the front counter of the Seventh Heaven. 

Behind that very same counter Tifa stood frozen like a statue, eyes wide, mouth open, every inch completely still, save for the tightening of her grip around the glass she had been cleaning when she heard the news. The glass gave in and shattered, causing Tifa to jump in pain and disappear into the kitchen to clean her hand. 

Cloud didn't notice the event that had transpired with Tifa and the glass behind him. He just stared forward at Tseng. This was Tseng of the Turks, the serious and responsible leader not known for his pranks. He wasn't Reno, his words were not so easily disregarded. Cloud wanted him to be Reno so he could roll his eyes and ignore him, maybe even swing his sword at him. But this was still Tseng, the leader, the serious one, the one who wouldn't play such a cruel joke on him. 

"I wish I was..." Tseng admitted, he knew that the truth would be difficult to handle for both Strife and the president. Reno of course knew, but he was back at headquarters bothering Rufus against his better judgment. However, it wouldn't be long before he realized that it was best not to infuriate the man who paid him and moved on to bother Strife. 

"She never told me," Cloud gasped breathlessly. "She would have told me." He clung to the possibility of everything being one big mistake. 

"Think about it," Tseng reason, his expression as serious as ever. "Would she have told you? He came and went, he left, just like that. It was a remote town in the middle of nowhere. He didn't need to worry about his reputation out there. There's no other explanation about why she wouldn't tell you, she couldn't, it must have been... difficult." 

Tifa reappeared from the kitchen and took her previous spot behind the counter in silence. She didn't hurt her hand too badly, just a few shallow cuts that would no doubt begin to fade by the next day. 

"Shinra Mansion," those two words left Cloud's lips and he shivered involuntarily. Maybe that was the reason why he went to that little town, maybe he stayed there, then they met and... he didn't want to think about it He desperately didn't want to believe it to be true. He bit his lip to stop the agonizing scream that threatened to escape his throat at the realization that it could be very true. 

Then it happened, Rufus Shinra walked into the Seventh Heaven dragging Reno by the ear. The redhead complained every step of the way, as it was natural, but the blond president didn't release him until they stood right in front of the counter, facing cloud. "Strife," Cloud jumped upon being addressed by Rufus. 

"Strife," the ex-soldier repeated, "yes, Strife, not Shinra." 

"Why is it my fault?" Reno protested, rubbing his pained ear. "Everyone believed it. Elena was already making a fuss before I realized what was going on. Even Tseng and Rude believed it." 

"I know," Rufus voiced, "it was all my fault for being unclear, I was upset and caused a misunderstanding. I don't blame you, Reno, I just needed to let out my stress on someone. Take it like a Turk," he sounded almost apologetic, but not quite, certainly not. There was a pause before Rufus' voice turned aggressive again, "actually, it is your fault, because you're the one who let her out in the first place!" 

"Rufus," Cloud's expectant voice interrupted the exchange between Rufus and Reno. "What does this mean?" 

"The Turks overheard me." Rufus paused, searching for the right words to phrase it. 

"Ranting," Reno supplied. 

Ignoring Reno, Rufus continued, "thinking aloud about having recently discovered that Dark Nation's puppies are not pedigree. Reno stupidly let her run off while he wasted time at the Seventh Heaven, instead of walking her like he was supposed to. Recently I acquired some documents that indicated I might have had a sibling, or rather half sibling from Nibelheim. The man in question, still a boy then, was confirmed to have died in the Nibelheim fire. The timing was just bad I suppose. The two events have nothing to do with each other, but speaking of both things all at once made the Turks misunderstand and somehow believe that we were brothers." 

"Then we're not?" Cloud held his breath waiting for the absolute confirmation. 

"No," Rufus confirmed. 

Cloud let out a breath of relief, "that's good to know." 

Rufus pouted, "what's that supposed to mean?" Indignantly, because truly, he didn't want Cloud as his brother, but really, Cloud should have been honored, Rufus left, dragging Reno out by the ear again. 

Cloud just stood there looking like a huge weight had been thrown and consequently lifted off his shoulders. He found that he at least had that much to be thankful for, he wasn't a Shinra, never mind the benefits that could bring to a poor broke guy like him, he didn't think that deeply about it. Tseng soon followed after Reno and Rufus, which left Cloud to loiter around the bar and Tifa to go about her tasks of cleaning glasses that were already clean out of lack of anything better to do. 

Cloud was feeling peaceful, for the most part, until the next day, Reno showed up with a wagon full of puppies and tricked him into taking one. After all, Rufus' couldn't keep them all, plus it would be good for Shinra's image if they gave away puppies. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 80: Cookies 

Hello door, meet key card. It was the story of Shinra and it happened every time all the time. When ever an employee, be it someone totally dispensable as most were, a high executive, or a Turk, came and went around the building, they had to use keycards, otherwise the doors simply would not open past a certain level. 

"Mr. Turk!" That's why Reno never suspected the little girl to come so close to causing disaster. Of course she was too young to actually work for Shinra, that fact was obvious when Reno looked down at the little voice. She must be the daughter of an executive; she must have gotten bored and wandered off, getting lost in the large facilities. 

"Hey kid, are you lost? Whose office are you looking for?" At least the child was smart enough to know he was a Turk. Some of the adult employees sometimes couldn't tell who was a Turk and who was a regular Shinra employee and it made Reno wonder how they managed to keep their jobs if they didn't even know that. 

The little girl shook her head then set her oversized plastic bag on the floor in front of her and took a few cookie boxes out of it to show them to Reno. "I'm selling cookies! I have chocolate covered, chocolate chip, salty, cheesy, and vanilla." 

"You're some kind of girl scout?" So it turned out the kid wasn't lost, she was off to do business while her parent worked, or at least that's what Reno assumed. 

The little girl nodded, "yup! Do you want to buy a box of cookies? They're only ten gil." She proceeded to use the sad kitten eyes tactic, though the pictures on the boxes were already effective enough. 

Reno didn't know how they did it, but when ever he looked at those pictures in the cookie boxes he wanted to devour all the delicious cookies inside. It was late and Rufus had not left Shinra Headquarters. At that rate, it would be several hours before Reno had the chance to eat a decent dinner, but if there were cookies available for him to take back to the office, then he might as well have that for dinner while he guarded Rufus. It wasn't all that rare; Reno was known to stuff his face with sweets any time, for any reason, sweets which he more often than not stole from Rude. Reno's stomach growled, encouraging his choice to purchase the cookies, "alright, I'll buy the cookies." Thus it was done, and the girl ended up selling her last dozen cookie boxes. 

As Reno made his way to Rufus' office with the bag full of cookie boxes, he felt odd. Turks didn't go around buying cookies from girl scouts; it just wasn't Turk-like. Then there was that little voice in the back of his head, that Reno was certain had been permanently silenced long ago, which told him he might be rewarded for his kindness.

Then Tseng of all people received him with a relieved sounding "great job handling the situation," as soon as Reno entered Rufus' office. The president, who looked like he was suffering from a stress induced headache, nodded in acknowledgement while Reno stood there in surprise. 

"What did I do? I mean, I fully accept the credit but I want to hear some feedback and stuff." Maybe, just maybe, that little voice was right, and an act of kindness, even if it was driven by hunger, would be rewarded after all. 

"An employee, or I should say an ex-employee, of Shinra stole some secret data and hid it in a cookie box that was left unattended on a neighboring desk. We suspect he knew the cookies belonged to another employee's daughter and he planned to later buy the cookie box to get the data out undetected. Fortunately, though the security camera in that particular corner of the office was sabotaged, most likely by the same culprit, someone saw this man putting something in a cookie box, thought it was suspicious, and reported it. Rude, Elena and I put the pieces together with our investigation while you were missing. But since you recovered the data without alerting anyone of the situation and also made the Turks look good by buying the cookies, I will overlook your momentary disappearance, just his once," Tseng explained. 

"Finally, it's about time this was solved," Rufus ran his fingers through his hair then announced, "I'm tired and I still have a headache. Tseng, Elena, I'll leave this matter to you. Reno, Rude, to the chopper, take me home." 

Tseng and Elena took the bags full of cookie boxes from Reno, "my cookies!" Reno complained. 

That caused Rufus to cringe and growl, "shut up!" 

Wanting to avoid trouble, and possibly doom, Rude clasped his hand over Reno's mouth and dragged him away; because when Rufus had a headache, he started shooting when people didn't shut up. Some rewards are worse than no reward at all... 

To be Continued

Mission 72 was requested by Sharem. Mission 73 was requested by Sonica Foxie. Mission 74 is for kikofreako and Firehedgehog. Mission 75 is for demonlifehealer. Mission 77 is based on the Shinra RPG from the shinra database live journal community. Mission 78 was inspired by the movie Knight and Day.


	9. Chapter 9

Missions: Report IX 

Mission: 81: Deadly Game 

The box was small, which instead of calming Cloud, it made him suspect. He handled the box with the outmost care, as if fearing that a sudden movement would make it explode. 

"It's an emergency!" Reno had said, then switched to a very serious tone. "I have a mission for you. I have already contacted someone at Shinra; if you go to the lobby and speak to the receptionist you will receive a box. Deliver it to Rocket Town." 

"I'm telling you, you don't need to do that!" Cid's voice was heard in the background, along with the sound of items being tossed aside, it was very suspicious indeed. 

Cloud did pick up the box. The receptionist looked calm, likely had no idea what this was about. But Cloud had a theory and it wasn't looking good. He assumed that the box contained some sort of miniature explosive that was super powerful despite its compacted size. Or maybe it was the control that would detonate a previously hidden bomb. Cloud didn't know, and he didn't want to find out the hard way. 

None the less, he couldn't very well leave the box in the hands of Shinra, so he pretended to accept his delivery mission and took it. Then he hurried to Rocket Town to get some answers, Cid sounded like he knew something, in fact, he sounded as if he could be in trouble. But the pilot could hold his own in a fight and he should be fine as long as the Turks didn't have the box, now in Cloud's possession. 

The delivery boy was tired, exhausted even, but this was no time to rest. Upon his arrival in Rocket Town, Cloud carefully cradled the box in his hands and searched for Cid, sneaking around as if expecting to be ambushed. Shinra was supposed to be reformed, but apparently that was no longer true. 

Quietly and quickly, Cloud snuck into Cid's backyard, hiding behind the latest airplane Cid was working on. He softly opened the back door and peeked in. "Cid? Shera?" Cloud whispered, but there was no answer. He listened and heard voices, laughter, and sounds that didn't quite fit in with the situation he theorize was taking place. 

Cloud entered the house, tiptoeing towards the source of the sound. He observed the group that was apparently carefree. A yawn escaped Cloud, much louder than he intended, and the Turks and pilot noticed his precense. 

"Didn't hear you come in Cloud," the house was a mess, but Cid didn't seem to mind. It looked like there really had been an assault, save for the fact that the Turks were happily sitting around Cid's table eating the snacks Shera brought them, and Cid didn't mind that fact. 

"What happened here? What is this?" Cloud held up the little box. 

Cid took the box and Cloud gasped at the pilot's careless handling of the tiny box. "I lost my playing cards. I told Reno he didn't have to send for another deck because I was sure I would find them, but I never did." Cid explained, opening the little box to reveal that it contained a deck of cards. 

"Hey Cid, are we going to play sometime this century?" Reno complained. He was tired of waiting. 

"Shut up and drink your tea, I'm coming." Cid shuffled the cards as he walked to the table. "Are you staying too?" 

Cloud could only blink and nod dumbly. He rushed to make this delivery, despite being in desperate need of rest, and it turned out that there was no battle, no danger, no secret attacks and no explosives, just a normal deck of cards. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 82: An Unwelcome Favor 

"Delivery for Reno," Cloud called out, but it was Rude who opened the door. 

"Next door," the bald Turk quietly spoke. 

"Um, sorry," Cloud went off to deliver the package to the correct address this time, and was about to knock on the door when he spotted a note attached to said door. The delivery boy read the note aloud, "I'm not here, leave my package with Rude." He shrugged and returned to Rude's door, knocking on it again. 

Rude opened the door and found Cloud, whom he had sent away a mere few seconds ago. 

"Reno left a note on the door saying I should leave his package with you." Cloud handed Rude the box. 

Rude received it, this was nothing new coming from Reno. "Sign?" 

"Oh yes, you need to sign this, Reno is supposed to sign it, but I think it's okay if you sign it in his name." Cloud had learned that sometimes a fake signature looked more real than a real one, especially when the one with the real signature was lazy and got someone else to sign for him all the time. Reno wasn't the only one who did that, and Cloud had learned from experience not to say no to a forged signature. 

Rude signed the receipt, kept the package, and Cloud went on his way. 

The same scenario was repeated several times over the past few evenings. It continued until one day Cloud was able to catch Reno returning to his apartment after a mission. "Reno!" 

The redhead, rushed to get inside, closed the door and locked it. 

Needless to say, Cloud was surprised by the action. "Reno, your package!" 

There was no answer. 

"Reno!" Cloud continued to call. 

Still, there was no answer. 

"Reno!" Cloud would not give up. 

Realizing that he had no choice, Reno finally replied, "read the note!" 

But Cloud continued knocking on the door, "I already read it, but this time you're here!" 

"Do what the note says!" Reno insisted. 

"Why?" Cloud was tired of bothering Rude with Reno's packages. How lazy could the redhead be? Besides, the entire situation looked suspicious, and Cloud was starting to think that Reno was up to some mischief. 

"Because you know you want to," Reno's answer was as confusing as it could be. 

"What do you mean?" Cloud asked. 

Reno opened the door of his apartment a few inches and peeked out at the puzzled Cloud, "go, I'm doing you a favor, so go." 

"A favor? You're not even the one paying for these packages, it's some guy called Kurt Nores that keeps sending you things..." Cloud paused, Kurt Nores... if the letters were rearranged it spelled Reno Turks. "Why would you mail yourself?" 

"So you have the chance to talk to Rude. I don't think things are going well with Tifa, so I'm helping you both get over your broken hearts together as friends who share the same pain... and I'm amusing myself at the same time," Reno admitted. 

With mischievous, gossip spreading people like Reno around, Cloud would never be allowed to have peace. The delivery boy didn't know how it was possible that Rude had not killed Reno yet. However, Cloud did not have Rude's patience, and that is how Reno ended up running for his life again. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 83: Clock Parts 

It was the second time that week that Cloud had attempted to kill Reno, and the week wasn't even half over, though Cloud wasn't the only one who was trying to kill Reno that week. Some would think the redhead had nine lives, or over nine thousand lives, because the amount of miraculous escapes he made was truly amazing. Yet, even with so many close calls, Reno never learned to be quiet. 

It wasn't that he was trying to cause Cloud any harm, not this time. In fact, Reno was only trying to help. But alas, Reno is Reno, and something is bound to go wrong, simply because he is Reno. 

Cloud's delivery was rather simple in the sense that the item to be delivered was nothing dangerous, overly fragile, or alive, though he was advised to be careful with it. The route was one that Cloud knew well, he had gone from Edge to Kalm and back again many times over his career as a delivery boy. However, there was a catch, because just like there's always trouble when Reno is involved, there is always a catch when Cloud is involved. This time the catch was a race. 

Cloud had taken one look at the competition and assumed victory would be his. The clock parts he was supposed to transport were crucial for the newly developed clock making industry of Kalm and needed to be delivered on time... no pun intended. So to choose a delivery boy for this task, a race was held. Competing against a mailman in an oversized van and a kid in a bicycle, Cloud thought he had this in the bag... but he was wrong. 

"Cloud!" When Cloud arrived with the first clock part, out of the five that had to be delivered from different locations and times that day, he found Reno and ignored him. But Reno didn't like being ignored and jumped in front of Cloud. "Didn't you hear me?" 

"I'm busy working," Cloud didn't stop walking. 

"I know all about the race and I'll help," Reno offered. "It's been made the Turks' mission to make the world a better place and so on, and that includes helping you. Rufus wants to show his good will, I think. I know this great shortcut-" 

"Stop!" Cloud hurried his pace and continued hastily walking towards the Kalm clock store, almost running. 

"Listen to me," Reno insisted. 

"I don't want or need a shortcut. I can handle this." Cloud entered the store and delivered the box, coming out a few minutes later with some new directions. 

"Trust me, you need the shortcut." Reno was waiting for Cloud outside the store. "Besides, it's not cheating. You can take whatever road you want in the race, so why not take the shortcut?" 

"Shut up, Reno," Cloud refused to listen and headed back to Fenrir. "I can win this race by myself. I don't need your help. Don't think that just because I spared your life it means I've forgotten about what you did." 

"Alright, alright, I get it!" Reno attempted to explain his good intentions once more. "You have to hear me out; I was at the Gold Saucer, betting at the chocobo races when I heard-" 

"About the shortcut?" Cloud interrupted, "I don't care." The delivery boy raced off full speed on his motorcycle, leaving the Turk behind. 

The distant echo of Reno's voice reached Cloud with a "don't say I didn't warn you!" 

xoxox xox xoxox 

It was not until it was too late that Cloud found a big traffic jam in the main road, the cars were so close to each other that even though Fenrir was smaller than a car, Cloud couldn't slip past them. Was that what Reno tried to warn him about? 

"Cloud!" No... No, no, no! "Cloudy!" That voice, Cloud was afraid to look at the car in the lane beside him, but his head unwillingly turned towards the voice. "Are you going to Dio's special wrestling event too? I didn't expect this many people to go, just look at the traffic. I hope we get there on time. I'm sure glad I found you, this traffic jam would be so boring without someone to talk to. You should give me your cellphone number and your email so we can talk some time. How have you been, Cloudy?" 

Mukki, it was Mukki in the car beside him and calling him Cloudy no less, while having the nerve to ask for his number and email. Cloud twitched and made a mental note to kill Reno for not properly warning him about Dio's event, which was what Cloud guessed Reno had heard about at the Gold Saucer. 

It was true that Reno did try to warn him and Cloud didn't listen, but after all those 'it's not your fault' hypnotism and therapy sessions he took to get over his previous depression, Cloud was unable to blame himself for anything, even if it was his fault. At least Cloud wasn't the 'Lord of the Emoness' anymore, but that only meant he had more energy to try to kill Reno later. 

As for the race, the mailman avoided the traffic jams, but thinking he had won, because surely the spiky haired blond was stuck in traffic, he stopped at a donut shop and got distracted. Meanwhile, the boy in the bike, though he was the slowest of the three, due to his mode of transportation, was the one to win the race. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 84: Pumpkins and Pokemon 

"The pumpkins," Cloud delivered the box to Rufus, who was now wearing clothes that Cloud knew he saw somewhere before, possibly on TV. The cap looked especially familiar, though it was a miracle in itself that Rufus would hide the hair he was so proud of. 

"Good, now you can help with another thing," Rufus decided. 

But Cloud shook his head; he needed to take a break before he had a breakdown. "I think that's enough work for today-" 

"No! You're the only one who can do this! Reno, explain the new job!" Rufus left the explanations to , which was usually a bad idea. But the entire thing had been Reno's idea in the first place and for once, Rufus didn't think it was possible for him to mess up the plan. 

Cloud could only stare as Reno appeared in front of him, dressed in yellow, with bunny-like ears, red cheeks and a zigzag tail. Then he realized where he had seen Rufus' outfit before, he was that trainer from Pokemon. Marlene and Denzel watched that show all the time. After the initial shock wore off, Cloud laughed like he never laughed before. 

Reno wasn't really bothered by it because he honestly didn't mind the silly costume. "Pay attention, I'm telling you about your new job! Anyway, like I was saying, we're getting all the Shinra employees together for the Halloween party and everyone's invited. We're also getting everyone who ever worked for Shinra to come, it was my idea. I only told Rufus about it to annoy that vampire because... well he's kind of fun to annoy. So you have to talk to him and get him to come and make him be a little more original and dress up as something other than a vampire." 

"Vampire?" Cloud asked between laughs. 

"Yes, Vincent, the vampire!" Reno explained. 

"I don't think he'll be too happy about being called a vampire," Cloud laughed some more, "but I'll tell him to come." Because if Reno was Pikachu and Rufus was Ash, then there was a chance that the other Turks were dressed up as Pokemon too, and that was too fun to miss. In fact, Cloud would tell all his friends about it. 

"Just make sure he doesn't come as a vampire, because he looks like a vampire all the time and that's boring. That's his costume over there, take it to him." Reno pointed at a box, which Cloud took along when he went to talk to Vincent, who was going to visit the Seventh Heaven along with everyone else that day. 

When Cloud arrived at the Seventh Heaven, everyone was already gathered there. Cloud told them about the Poke-Turks and they all wanted to see them. Now it was all a matter of getting Vincent to agree to wear whatever costume was in the box so they could help Cloud finish his job and be welcomed to the Shinra party. 

Alas their hopes were brought down when Vincent firmly declared, "I am not going to dress up as a purple butterfly!" But they would not give up. 

"Butterfree," Marlene corrected as she shared a knowing look with Denzel. Older people couldn't even say the names of Pokemon right. 

Obviously, the group wouldn't take no for an answer, especially since they might get kicked out of the Shinra party before they got to bother the Turks about their silly costumes because they were Cloud's friends, and Cloud was the one who couldn't finish his latest odd delivery, to deliver Vincent in a Butterfree costume. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Children ran around stuffing their faces with candy and comparing their costumes with other kids. Rufus' image improved, as did the image of the Turks. Pikachu, Squirtle, Charmander, Pidgeotto and the ex-Turk, Butterfree. 

Rude was by far the most quiet and serious pokemon anyone ever saw, he had only said one word during the entire night after receiving many pokes from random kids, "charmander." Which would have been translated, if anyone understood pokemon language, into "I'm pissed off," but no one quite caught it. 

Elena's element was ice, so she ended up as the cute little turtle pokemon, who stayed close to the leader bird during the entire time, occasionally feeding him because, while it was possible to be able to pick up items with her blue gloves, Tseng couldn't do anything with his wings. 

Reno was actually enjoying the party; none of Cloud's friends could annoy him because he liked being a Pikachu. Leave it to Reno to have fun with all the silliness. He also took some time to annoy Vincent and make fun of the costume he was forced to wear by group pressure and children's sad looks. Feeling himself about to lose his temper, the "vampire Butterfree" as Reno called him, made a silent vow to stop procrastinating in what needed to be done, rid the world of a certain annoying Pikachu. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 85: Poker 

Between making deliveries, Cloud Strife returned to the Seventh Heaven and watched the different stages of the Turks' boredom. At first they simply lacked something to do, after being used to staying busy all the time, before Reno make possible customers think twice about hiring them, so they went to the Seventh Heaven and just sat there. Then they were beginning to be bothered by the fact that they had nothing to do. 

Cloud came and went, and watched as the boredom progressed. They tried to make small talk, they stared at the walls, they ate, they drank and finally, they just hung around idly. The boredom could be felt in the air, leaving the Seventh Heaven with a heavy atmosphere. 

But this was none of Cloud's business, unlike the Turks, he had plenty of work to do, to earn a fraction of the gil they earned, which was rather frustrating, but the delivery boy would bear with it. One after another, the packages Cloud had to deliver became less and less, and one after another the minutes of the afternoon ticked away slowly. 

The next time Cloud returned from a delivery and picked up another group of packages, because he could only carry so many at once on Fenrir, Tseng and Elena had left. "They went out together," Tifa had casually mentioned and Cloud eyed Rude suspiciously, as if warning the Turk not to try to ask Tifa out while he was gone delivering more packages. 

Once again, Strife Delivery Service was on the case. Cloud rushed around the streets of Midgar delivering more packages. At least his business was doing better than usual, but of course there had to be a catch, Cloud had plenty of work when the Turks did not, thus leaving Tifa alone with them. His only consolation was that Reno was also there to occasionally make a silly joke and shatter the possibility of a developing romantic atmosphere between Rude and Tifa. 

"Just a few more packages to go," Cloud told himself. But as he entered the Seventh Heaven, the packages that needed to be delivered were the last thing on his mind. "Reno, what are you doing?" 

"Drinking a strawberry smoothie," Reno replied. 

"I can see that, but..." Cloud trailed off from the sheer random weirdness of the situation in front of him. 

"Yes, it's spiked, just in case you're wondering," Reno answered the unasked question. 

"Where's your shirt?" Cloud finally asked. 

Reno pointed at the end of the counter, "there, it's not for keeps, I can have it back at five. Marlene and Denzel are with Elmyra so we played poker." 

"Strip poker..." Cloud had a bad feeling about this. But fortunately Tifa's clothes were not among the pile. "So you lost?" 

"Not really," Reno replied. After all he still had his pants and goggles, though he lacked his jacket, shirt and shoes. Reno and Rude never found out that Tifa could clearly see their cards reflected on their sunglasses and goggles respectively, and she never mentioned it. All is fair and love, war and card games. 

Cloud's eyes went wide, along with Reno's clothes there were other clothes on the pile, an entire other Turk suit. "Rude..." 

"He's helping Tifa clean the kitchen," no sooner had the words left Reno's mouth, Cloud had already jumped over the counter and ran into the kitchen. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 86: Scarred for Life 

Cloud only had to deliver one more package, just one and he would be done with his work for the day. Barret had come over and was staying for a few days. During that time, Cloud had set aside a moment to try to have a man to man talk with Barret. Barret knew Tifa well enough from the days of Avalanche and though he was now a widow, Barret had once been married. 

Putting all those facts together, Cloud thought that he could request some advice about making his relationship with Tifa progress, and first of all start. Thus the previous night, Cloud told Barret about his problem and received some advice. To summarize, Barret told him to "be more direct and say what you need to say!" 

Cloud just couldn't get himself to say anything straight out in the past. It wasn't that he didn't try, because he certainly did. Cloud tried to express his feelings time and again, but saying how he felt wasn't his forte. He still tried though, even if he ended up tongue tied and embarrassed as if he was still the child he was back in Nibelheim. 

Regardless of all those troubles, Cloud Strife was feeling determined. After he finished today's work, he would ask Tifa out on a date. He had already asked Barret to stay with Marlene and Denzel, to which Barret happily agreed the previous day. Then Tifa would be free of her usual babysitting duties and able to go out with Cloud. The delivery boy would finally push the words out and ask Tifa on a date, he would, he was certain he could do it this time. As Barrett pointed out, he just had to say it, there was nothing overly complicated about it. 

However, Cloud never expected his last delivery of the day to take such a strange turn. It was simple enough, the location was the very Seventh Heaven where he lived and he knew what the package contained. When Barret made the order he wasn't sure about the zip code, and since Cloud was a delivery boy, it was only logical to ask him about it, even if it was only a small technicality since Cloud would end up taking the package from Junon to the Seventh Heaven anyway. 

As expected, Cloud knew the answer to Barret's zip code question and it was then that the blond found out that Barret's package was supposed to contain the Special Edition Super Deluxe Gun Service Kit. It was a practical assortment of different tools and utensils used to clean and maintain guns, or gun arms in Barret's case. 

Then it happened, the event that would leave poor Cloud scarred for life, the image that would forever be burnt into his mind, never to leave the vast abyss of his darkest nightmares. When Cloud went upstairs to deliver Barret's package, he found Barret admiring himself in the mirror wearing a pink tutu, while growling curses under his breath. 

Cloud's jaw dropped as he stood there wide eyed and frozen at the door. He wanted to scream in both fear and agony, but his throat refused to produce any sounds. He wanted to run away and not stop until he was on the other side of the planet, but his legs refused to move. 

Cloud's grip started to become weak, until the package slipped out of his hands and the audible noise of the impact upon the floor caused by the box, containing the Special Edition Super Deluxe Gun Service Kit, alerted Barret to his presence. "Cloud!"

He ran; Cloud Strife finally managed to wake up from his shocked daze and he ran for dear life, dashing down the stairs and tripping over his own feet in his desperate haste. 

"Cloud, are you okay?" Tifa had been coincidentally mopping the area at the base of the stairs and witnessed the spectacle of Cloud tumbling down. She immediately tossed the mop aside, and away from Cloud's mouth. It wasn't done on purpose, Cloud came so fast that Tifa simply didn't have time to react and move the mop out of his path, much less attempt to catch him. But she did help him to his feet. 

Cloud made a pained face, not only because of the fall, but because of the taste the mop had left in his mouth. Although none of that was as bad as the terrible trauma he had suffered seeing none other than Barret wearing a pink tutu. "Ba-ba-ba..." his voice had still not fully recovered. 

"Come here, sit down," Tifa helped Cloud towards one of the tables in the restaurant area, in front of which they sat. "Did it hurt that much?" The fall certainly looked painful, but Cloud was strong. Even so, Tifa knew very well that even the strongest person could feel pain. She tried her best to console Cloud, gently patting his back tracing circles and allowing him to rest his head on her chest. 

Cloud brushed madly, but didn't say a word. Unfortunately he was far too traumatized by what he had recently witnessed to be able to fully enjoy being so close to his crush. 

"Is he okay?" Cloud jumped upon hearing Barret's voice and immediately became alert. 

"Cloud fell down the stairs, it must have really hurt." Tifa spoke in a sweet and loving tone, as if her concern for Cloud had made her momentarily forget anything else she might have been thinking of. 

"You gotta watch where you're goin'!" Barret commented; he wasn't in the mood to deal with anything. 

Cloud could only blink in surprise at Tifa's lack of mention of Barret's clothes, which still included a pink tutu. Further confusing the already confused delivery boy, Reno entered the Seventh Heaven along with Marlene and Denzel, who giggled quietly and ate their ice-cream. 

"Here's your ice-cream!" Reno cheerfully handed Tifa her cone of vanilla, which had partially melted on the way there. 

None the less, Tifa said, "thank you," perhaps more so because Reno had actually managed to make it to the ice-cream shop down the street and back without getting into trouble while Marlene and Denzel were with him. 

"No problem," Reno grinned at Barret, who glared at the redhead using every last ounce of self control he had left to stop himself from killing the Turk there and then. "Hey Cloud, you look pale!" Barret growled as if telling Reno that he better leave soon. Reno grinned some more, finally said, "I'll be going back to work now," and left the Seventh Heaven. 

Barret huffed and went back upstairs, while Tifa ate her ice-cream. "If I had known you would be back by now I would have told Reno to bring another ice-cream. Do you want to share this?" 

Cloud only blinked, tilting his head to the side in confusion. "Um..." No one had said anything about Barret's pink tutu, so he felt it was best not to say anything about it either. Maybe he was hallucinating, or maybe there was something wrong with his eyes. "No, that's okay; I have to go out again anyway. I'm going to try to get an appointment with an eye doctor." 

"Oh, yes, I understand. It's good to have an eye exam every now and then." Especially for mako eyes, Tifa only thought that last part, deciding it was best not to say it aloud so as to avoid adding to Cloud's worries, since he already looked worried enough as it was. 

Cloud nodded and left. He had a perfectly good opportunity to ask Tifa to go out with him and he wasted it. In fact, he didn't even enjoy his consolation time close to Tifa as much as he could have. It was all because no one else said anything about what was plainly obvious to him; Barret was wearing a pink tutu. 

Cloud's fragile mind decided that he was wrong. There was nothing to fear, Barret had not randomly started wearing pink tutus, Cloud's eyes were merely tired. Maybe he needed glasses or contact lenses and the pink blur that was the tutu around Barret would disappear. 

Because Cloud didn't ask about Barret's pink tutu, no one ever told him, they simply assumed that he knew. Tifa had assumed that Barret himself had told Cloud how he got into that predicament while they were upstairs. As for Barret, he would rather not bring up the subject at all, so if no one asked, he had no reason to explain. 

In truth, Reno had challenged Barret to a card castle building competition. The loser would wear a pink tutu and buy ice-cream for all the others present, which at the time included Tifa, Marlene and Denzel. Barret's right arm was robotic and not too steady due to needing maintenance, plus Reno had been getting plenty of practice building card castles on his desk while procrastinating to do Shinra paper work. As a result, Barret never stood a chance. 

Thanks to a merciful persuasive speech from Tifa, Reno agreed to cut Barret some slack and allow him to serve his punishment while hiding in the Seventh Heaven, instead of having him go to the ice-cream shop in a pink tutu. However, Barret still had to pay for the ice-cream, which Reno went to get along with Marlene and Denzel.

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 87: Paper Boy 

Of all the delivery jobs, after delivering pizza and letters, delivering newspapers was one of the most well known, though not the safest. Stories were told about how paperboys were chased by dogs like miniature mailmen. Also, in some stories, the paperboys didn't play the victim but the villain. Those villainous paperboys broke windows and hit heads with their news filled projectiles before fleeing the scene never to be caught. 

To summarize, the name of paperboys was stained as either strong evil doers or weak victims, but never valiant heroes. One man, who was possibly one of the oldest papermen ever, as he could definitely not be called a paperboy anymore, was determined to change that. His name was Cloud Strife. 

"You name it; we deliver it," was the motto of Strife Delivery Service and people could easily say the word "newspaper." Thus Cloud was stuck with the job of delivering newspapers. He rode on Fenrir, which was quite different from the usual paperboy bikes, and caught the attention of the citizens more than the titular page of the newspapers he delivered. 

"Newspaper!" Cloud called out, while trying his best to focus on diminishing the red tint that spread across his cheeks every time he voiced that word. 

Tifa had told Cloud time and again that it was an honest job, and that Denzel and Marlene were still one or two years away from becoming interested in the position, so he wasn't stealing some poor child's possibility to earn some extra money. Thus in the end, Cloud accepted the job. 

"Newspaper!" Cloud couldn't afford to get fired, so if he was told to call out like that, no matter how silly he felt, he would force himself to do it. 

"So it was true!" Reno jumped out from behind the Healin Lodge main entrance door, after Cloud failed to spot him looking out the window next to it before yelling his paperboy battle cry. Worse yet, Reno had a camera and was snapping away picture after picture. 

"Stop!" Cloud defended himself in the first none deadly way he could think of, he threw a newspaper at Reno. But being Reno, he was used to having people lose their patience with his antics and start throwing things at him, so he skillfully avoided the newspaper. However, Cloud didn't stop there, he started throwing newspaper after newspaper, trying to knock Reno out, or at least knock the camera out of his hands. 

Finally one of the newspapers hit Reno on the head and knocked off his precious goggles. The redhead gasped and let the camera, which he had borrowed without permission from Rufus, slide out of his hands. "My goggles! This means war!" Reno picked up the fallen projectiles and began the newspaper counter attack against Cloud, who continued to return fire. 

"Cloud Strife!" Reeve had not received his morning newspaper, so he went to see what the holdup was about. Since Reeve was the one who pulled some strings and got the paperboy job for Cloud, he felt in part responsible for the safe and timely delivery of the newspapers. 

Cloud froze mid-throw and Reno's newspaper hit him square in the nose. Cloud woke up from his daze not bothering to return fire anymore, and looked at Reeve, then at the newspapers scattered all over the ground, then finally at Reno to whom he pointed at accusingly. "It was his fault!" 

While Reeve gave them both a talk about responsibility and respecting other people's newspapers, Reno blatantly ignored him and Cloud nodded automatically. None of them noticed Elena at the top of the Healin Lodge stairs with a video camera. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 88: Insurance 

Rufus Shinra was very pleased, his face not matching the situation at all. However, there were no cameras or paparazzi there to capture his unfitting expression and somewhat cruel joy. To his benefit, the accident had not been fatal, he wasn't heartless, he was simply amused. 

"I'm really sorry," Cloud had not stopped staring at the floor of Reeve's office at the World Restoration Organization Headquarters since he and Rufus, along with Reno, who was the president's bodyguard for the day, arrived. "Really, I am!" He lifted his gaze a little, but lowered it to the floor again when he caught sight of Reeve's stern look. He was just like a little boy who broke something important and wanted to convince his parents that his guilt was so great he required no further punishment to learn his lesson. 

"Accidents happen," the victorious grin never left Rufus' face as he placed his hand on Cloud's shoulder. 

More so than feeling supported, Cloud felt like Rufus was rubbing salt on the wound, metaphorically speaking, for his actual wound had already been taken care of. It was a small scratch, but Rufus insisted on Cloud accepting his kindness and sent Reno, the closest Turk at the time, to give him first aid. As a result Cloud now sported a chocobo decorated band-aid on his right arm. 

"Yeah, accidents happen!" Reno agreed grinning like a Cheshire cat, then the cat turned into a sad kitten as he looked at Rufus, "the president is always forgiving, right?" 

"Most of the time," Rufus warned, he didn't want Reno to go crashing any of the Shinra owned vehicles for fun thinking he could get away with it, not that Cloud's crash had been the redhead's fault; for once, Reno was not to blame for the latest accident. 

Reeve sighed deeply and massaged his temples, his headache ever growing. "Insurance, insurance..." he muttered. Cloud appeared to be sincerely sorry for the occurrence, albeit regardless of that, Reeve would have to pay for his good will. 

Cloud had not been doing so well in his delivery business lately, it's not that he didn't get any delivery requests at all, but rather that the few he got led to less than pleasant experiences of varied natures and causes, with Reno being the main cause of Cloud's misery. 

Because of that, Reeve decided to be nice and talk, meaning persuade, meaning pressure, meaning whine at, Rufus so that the young president would give Cloud some jobs, preferably jobs that didn't involve any interaction with Reno. Rufus eventually agreed on one condition, with Reeve having given Cloud his recommendation, the final vote of confidence came in the form of an insurance contract where Reeve would take care of all the expenses involved in restoring everything to the way it was if Cloud ever messed up a job, provided that the delivery boy was the one at fault and that it could be proven that Reno was not in the ten mile radius at the time of the problem. 

Several witnesses could testify that Reno was in Healin Lodge when Cloud's accident outside Edge occurred, just over ten miles away. Thus as stated by the contract, Reeve had to uphold his end of the deal. "Fine, I'll pay for the cargo that was destroyed, what was it anyway?" 

"A fruit basket," Cloud muttered. 

"It was a good will present from Shinra to the mayor of Kalm," Rufus elaborated, because that sounded so much cooler than just saying fruit basket. "That's not all you have to pay for, the contract states you have to restore everything to the way it was, Cloud here needs Fenrir repaired; we wouldn't want him to go out of business, right?" 

"No we wouldn't," Reeve growled and Cloud cringed. 

"I said I was sorry," the delivery boy whimpered. 

"A contract is a contract," Reeve accepted his fate with a grim expression. "Alright, I will pay for Fenrir's full repairs and the fruit basket." 

"Good will present," Rufus corrected, "and don't forget Cloud's medical bill." 

"For what?" Reeve could see nothing wrong with Cloud's health. 

"That!" Rufus pointed at the band-aid on Cloud's arm, as if telling Reeve with his expression that he was oh so insensitive for not noticing. "Reno had to give him first aid, so you'll have to pay his medical bill." 

"Reno is not a doctor," Reeve pointed out, annoyed at the redhead's amusement with the entire conversation. He must have been very entertained to be this quiet. 

"That's my point, he's a Turk, he's an all purpose being trained to offer transportation in a variety of vehicles, go on undercover missions, and act as a heroic knight when needed. Transportation, Undercover, Knight, that's what a Turk is. He's more expensive than a doctor and he gave Cloud his services today," Rufus insisted. 

Reeve felt his head pounding; he knew there was no way he could win this argument no matter how much logic he threw out, Rufus was too good at bending it. "Transportation, undercover and knight? What about the R? Reaper?" 

"Don't get off topic!" Rufus defended. 

"Alright, you've won," Reeve just wanted them to leave so he could rest after getting some pain killers for his headache. "I'll pay for the fruit basket," Rufus pouted and Reeve corrected himself, "I mean the good will present, Fenrir and Reno, is that all?"

"I suppose that will do," Rufus grinned victoriously, "we'll be going now, have a nice day," he stepped out of Reeve's office followed by Reno, while Cloud stayed behind, frozen like a statue, staring at his shoes. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

"You know," Reno began as he and Rufus got on the WRO building's elevator, "Mr. Cat Lover is just going to ask for more funds from Shinra to take care of all the expenses. Speaking of which, will I get a bonus for playing doctor?" 

Rufus frowned, "it's about the principal, but you just had to point that out and ruin it. I'm not giving you a bonus; in fact, the next WRO donation is coming out of your paycheck!" 

For the rest of the day Reno tried to talk, meaning persuade, meaning pressure, meaning whine at, Rufus so that he wouldn't give his paycheck to the WRO. Unfortunately Rufus was very stubborn. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Back at Reeve's office, Cloud still stood there unmoving, until Reeve sent him away with a tired expression, "you can leave too." 

"Sorry," Cloud apologized once more before rushing out of the office. He cared about Zack and Aeris, he really did. But couldn't they give him those spiritual messages and otherworldly pep talks when he wasn't driving? 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 89: Limit Break Theory 

Far from being a limit break, it was a limitless break, as Edge was now a broken city, with random explosions all over the place and chaos, panic and turmoil reigning supreme. To think it all started because of one man's foolish curiosity and another man's foolish agreement. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Many people had heard the phrase 'necessity is the mother of invention' at some point in their lives. It was a reference to the adaptability of the human race and how they rose to the occasion simply because they needed to, even if they had been powerless to do anything before even if they wanted to. 

The realization that there is no other choice, the understanding that it's do or die, the rush of adrenaline and the knowledge that the only hope left is the hope you create with your own power, can push one beyond the limits that seemed to be unreachable before. 

It is said that everyone has that potential, but few find themselves in a situation so dire that they awaken it. Although sometimes, even if the situation demands it, that potential is not reached because the lack of belief that it can be done is interpreted by fate as a lack of desire to accomplish it. Miracles only come to those who confidently believe in them with unwavering faith. 

That aside, there could be other ways to test that theory, the limit break theory. If only the mental state and rush of adrenaline could be simulated, the possibilities could be amazing, or perhaps fatal. It might have been a fifty-fifty chance if not worse, but that was enough for it to catch Rufus' attention when Reno came into his office one day and started rambling about how many crazy deliveries Cloud could make before going on what Reno called a "super mega ultra uber awesome pwnage l337 delivery limit break of doom FTW!" 

It was an interesting theory, Rufus had to admit, and what was even more peculiar was who brought this theory to his attention. To think Reno of all people would come up with a good idea, something that he could use to make transporting goods from point A to point B that much more cost effective. 

Rufus paused, shook his head and took a deep breath. He reached for the com-system and pressed the button, opening a communication link with the secretary positioned behind a desk in a much smaller office next to his. "Bring me a very large cup of extra strong super caffeinated coffee, no milk, and make sure to put fifty spoons of sugar in it." Normally, one would blame craziness on too much caffeine and sugar, but this level of insanity was so great it had to be caused by a severe lack of the aforementioned substances. 

Time ticked away as Reno rambled about his great idea with Rufus filtering out the sound as a well practiced habit. The door to the office was opened and the secretary came in with Rufus' coffee, setting it on the desk and quietly leaving before she caught whatever madness inducing virus the Turk and the president might have. 

Rufus drank his cup of coffee without stopping, then took another deep breath after he was done, setting the empty cup on the desk. He waited for it to take effect, but somehow he was still inclined to listen to Reno's idea, which still appeared to be interesting. Maybe he was losing his mind for good. 

"Alright," Rufus finally agreed, "you can test the limit break theory on Strife." 

Rufus was feeling mischievous and he did have a lot of caffeine and sugar in his system, so instead of giving Cloud a lot of crazy deliveries to make, he paid Tifa, who needed the money since she had Marlene, Denzel, Cloud and herself to feed, a generous bribe to assist him on catching the delivery boy off guard and handcuffing him to the unsuspecting redhead Turk. Little did he know that because of this situation, Edge would be doomed. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Mission 90: The Perfect Gift 

Cloud Strife cursed his luck; he should have known that cruel fate would have him stuck with Reno again. While Cloud took care of buying some polish so that Vincent could keep his golden claw and shoes all nice and shiny, Reno poked a pyramid of polish cans that was neatly arranged on display at the store. The frustrated blond delivery boy had told his annoying redhead companion to stop several times, but Reno being Reno, did not heed the warning until the pyramid of cans fell apart loudly. 

"I'm warning you," the store manager, who was stuck playing cashier for the day as well, gave Cloud a seriously creepy look. "If your friend broke anything you'll have to pay for it," the man reminded Cloud of Mukki, which made everything that much more scary. 

"He's not my friend," Cloud argued, as Reno came running away from the scene of the crime. 

Reno grinned casually at Cloud, "ready to leave, pal?" 

The man who looked like Mukki took Cloud's gil, which the delivery boy had hastily dropped on the counter rather than handing it in, gave him a suspicious look, up and down, then finally bagged the polish can and gave it to Cloud. He then went off to examine the damage on the other side of the small store, while keeping an eye on the two men. Cloud grumbled and hurried out of the store. "Where do you think you're going?" The manager called after them. 

"I didn't do anything!" Reno exclaimed, "that noise came from outside, the pyramid is fine, see?" He pointed while trying to look innocent. 

The manager looked towards the pyramid which was behind a small aisle, he could see the can of polish on the very top peeking out above the aisle, encased in a strange glass-like structure, though that might just be the light bouncing off the shiny cans, there was no other logical explanation. "I suppose you can go, but I'll be watching you when you come back, I'll be watching you both." Another of his detailed looks, up and down, sent both Cloud and Reno running out of the store making a silent vow never to return. 

They were out front in the parking lot where their rides, a black motorcycle and a red chocobo respectively, were waiting for them. A loud crash was heard as Cloud got on Fenrir and Reno hopped on Blaze. "You used one of your pyramids to keep the pyramid of cans in the store from falling, didn't you?" 

"Yeah, and it sounds like that guy just broke it," confirming Reno's theory, the manager came running out of the store shouting at them. "Good thing Blaze can outrun Fenrir!" It was a fact that had saved Reno's life many times when he went too far into Cloud's bad side. A split second later, in a blur of bright red, the speedy red chocobo disappeared in the distance with Reno riding him. Cloud was soon to follow, hastily starting up Fenrir after clumsily dropping the keys twice and getting away without a second to spare. 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Cloud got back to the Seventh Heaven, where Vincent was waiting for the polish, it made no sense why he would hire Cloud instead of just going to the store himself. The unfortunate delivery boy discovered that Reno was there as well, with his red chocobo companion being praised and spoiled by Denzel and Marlene because Blaze was just too cute. 

Glaring at Reno who had ditched him in a dangerous situation, Cloud pouted deeply and stomped over to the bar where Reno and Vincent were sitting, the former testing the latter's patience with his constant rambling. "I brought your polish," he told Vincent, then looked at Reno accusingly, "and I came out of everything alive in case anyone cares!" 

Vincent accepted the polish with a quiet, "thank you," and handed Cloud a bag of gil, much too big for just the polish, there was a tip included, but it wasn't all a tip. "Don't forget my other request; I must go now, so I will trust you to have it ready on time." The silent dark haired man hurried out of the Seventh Heaven before he lost the will to resist the temptation of killing Reno. 

"I guess I'm off to work again..." Cloud headed for the door and Reno followed him. 

"C'mon Blaze, time to go, you can play with your friends later," the redhead and the red chocobo hurried after Cloud, who was not happy to be followed. 

"Why are you following me?" Cloud was still angry about being abandoned with that creepy Mukki-look-alike at the store. 

"I know about your secret mission," Reno suddenly spoke in a serious tone as if it was a scene from a suspenseful movie. 

Cloud became serious as well, with a warning look that told Reno not to give away too much information, especially not in their current location. "I thought Shinra might participate, I guess I have no choice but to let you tag along, it's worse if you do this on your own." 

xoxox xox xoxox 

Twenty minutes later, Cloud, Reno and Blaze were walking through the Edge mall thinking about what to buy for Marlene's birthday. Vincent thought it would be rude to let a young lady's birthday pass without some form of congratulations, thus he sent Cloud to find a gift, since he considered himself to be a little behind in the times to be able to accurate choose something Marlene would like. Tifa was busy baking a cake and other treats, thus she entrusted Cloud with the same mission and now Cloud found out Shinra had decided to conduct some public relations and sent Reno as their representative to deliver a birthday gift for Marlene. 

"When I got this mission, I thought they just wanted to keep me busy to get rid of me," Reno refused to shut up, making random conversation with Cloud as they walked, "but then I realize they just had no idea what to buy and thought I might get a good idea because I always get good ideas, so Shinra is counting on me!" 

"I think they really did want to get rid of you," Cloud grumbled. "Either way, I don't know what to get." 

"I'm getting her a time bomb building kit, so you can get an expansion pack for it with parts and extra stuff so the gifts will match," Reno replied. 

He received an odd look from Cloud as soon as the blond realized it was not a joke, "what?" 

Reno proceeded to explain the logic behind his brilliant idea, "Marlene is still young, but she's growing up and I thought a girl her age would prefer to be treated like a young woman rather than a kid." 

"What does a bomb have to do with that?" Cloud failed to see the logic. 

"Women like that kind of thing," Reno stated as a matter of fact, "don't you know anything? Women love weapons of mass destruction and anything that creates flashy explosions. Marlene is turning into a young lady, so pretty soon she'll be interested in all that stuff." 

Cloud opened his mouth and closed it again like a fish. He was in no way an expert on the subject and for all he knew Reno's theory about a young lady approaching adolescence might be true. "Are you sure about that?" 

Reno nodded, he was a Turk, the kind of women he was around were all cruel sadists even if they hid it underneath a sweet appearance, though one could theorize that Turk or not, all women were sadistic by nature. Even the rookie had a very scary side that Reno knew not to provoke. 

"Well, if you're sure..." Cloud paused, the dilemma was not truly solved, they knew what to get but not where to get it, "so where do we find a time bomb kit and expansion packs?" 

Reno laughed at the obvious question, "we're in Edge's mall, we can find anything here!" Then the trio of two men and a chocobo went off to find what they were sure would be the perfect gift. 

End

Mission 81 was requested by Snow, the concept was deck of playing cards. Missions 83, 84 and 86 was requested by Rei Mumei. I got the idea for Mission 88 from Kaarina Helvete. Mission 89 was inspired by a review from Holly-Sama. Mission 90 was requested by Sharem.

**Author's Note:**

> Fantasy Bit: http://mikari.piratesboard.net
> 
> Deviant Art: http://mikaristar.deviantart.com
> 
> Fanart Central: http://fanart-central.net/user/AzureMikari/


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